Title: Trial of the Century / Rise of the Birthday Gnome
Description: Happy Birthday DP!
Description: Happy Birthday DP!
GoldenSama - August 9, 2007 09:02 AM (GMT)
SUPER KIMI AND WONDER SAMA
Trial Of The Century
Teh City District Court
Defense Lobby
9:50 PM
The Defense Lobby was not known for comfort. The room was small with a white-tiled floor and matching walls. A tall white column stood in the corner of the room, and against it rested a potted plant. A funny little painting hung above a old, red leather couch. Two guards stood at the tall wooden doors that led into the courtroom, both were stoic and seemed to ignore the two people in the room.
In the middle of the room were two young people. The one sitting on the couch looked rather nervous, constantly checking his watch. He wore a uniform that was mostly white, but included blue boots and gloves. He also had on dark sunglasses. This man had, up until a few months ago, been one of the worst villains to ever threaten Teh City. Now, though, he was living a much quieter – and far more helpful – life as a “semi-hero”.
To his left was a younger girl with rich brown hair who wore a lab coat over what looked like a school uniform. Pink glasses were fixed over her eyes and she wore rubber gloves; a strange sight to some, but she did not seem too out of place here.
“Relax!” Ema Skye piped up, looking over to Phazon. “I'm sure your lawyer is just... uh... caught in traffic.”
“I hope that's the reason, but . . . I don't know, I think I'm going to regret hiring this particular lawyer.” Phazon scratched his head. “Then again, it was the best I could do on such short notice.”
Suddenly the door opened and in walked two familiar faces. The first was tall and male. He wore a blue suit, his attorney's badge pinned to the collar, and he had spiked-up brown hair. He also had a look on his face as if he was really enjoying himself. Standing beside him was a shorter girl with brown haired tied up in a top-knot. She was dressed in a odd training uniform that made her look like she belonged in a ninja movie. Her arms were crossed and she looked annoyed.
Had it been Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey, perhaps Phazon would not have been so nervous.
Instantly the lawyer reached for something out of his pocket; it was a silver Nintendo DS. He quickly began to play it, seemingly ignoring Phazon, Ema and the girl at his side.
“... What are you doing?” The girl asked, trying to hold back her annoyance.
“I'm almost to the first day of trial on the second case of the second game.” The boy replied, not looking up from the dual screens.
“... We have a real trial. RIGHT NOW.” The girl was losing her patience.
“Yeah, yeah, we have till midnight; that's like two hours. I'm sure we'll be fine.” The boy was more involved with his game; as if it was consuming all of his free time.
Finally reaching her boiling point, the girl grabbed the DS and held it in front of her. The boy made a gurgling sound and shivered a bit, almost as if not having the DS in his hands had suddenly weakened him.
“My precious... give me back my precious!” The boy demanded.
“No!” The girl growled.
The boy paused for a moment, and then he bopped her on the head. As she winced and grabbed her head he snatched the DS away from her and resumed his in-game conversation with Lotta Hart. The girl began to shake, kicked him in the shin, and stole back the game once more! This time she stuffed it in her pocket and growled at him.
“Gah! Don't steal my stuff!” The boy protested.
“As soon as this curse is broken and I'M the hero again, I'm kicking your ass!” Kimi replied grumpily.
Sama scratched his neck and sweat dropped. “Aww, come on Kimi-chan! I'm just playing.”
“Hate to interrupt,” Phazon cleared his throat. “But you DO realize that if this trial doesn't end with a 'not guilty' by midnight, a evil magical gnome will kill me, attain invincibility and go on a non-stop rampage of death and destruction the likes of which the world has never before known?”
Sama and Kimi both sweat dropped.
“Sorry, I'm not used to wearing blue.” Sama coughed weakly. “Anyway, don't worry about it! We have a whole TWO HOURS to do what usually takes three days... which sounds bad, I know, but I've been playing Phoenix Wright non-stop for four days. Seriously, I haven't eaten or slept. . . I can win this case easy!”
“Well, it was nice living while it lasted.” Kimi sighed.
“... How did I get into this mess?” Phazon wondered quietly, rubbing his now-hurting head.
Those famous words are always followed by a flashback, and the same is true of this moment.
~Flashback~
Phazon's Pad
Living Room
8:23 AM
It was Phazon's birthday, and that meant a party. Of course, he wasn't sure enough time had elapsed between the last time he tried to kill them and when he turned over a new leaf, so instead of trying to get the Flan-I involved, he decided to just keep his birthday a small occasion. Sitting on his couch, Phazon looked over to his companions. His apprentice, TS the Flan-I sat on the other side of the table while the Al Bhed girl, Rikku, who had helped him out before was frantically searching the kitchen for something.
“... Ahh, where is it?”
“Do you have any idea what she's looking for?” TS asked, scratching his head.
“No . . . but there's balloons and party hats, so I have a guess.” Phazon replied.
Finally the blond with the swirling green eyes stepped out of the kitchen and shrugged. “Ah... I think I forgot to buy a cake.”
Phazon shrugged. “Ah, we don't need one--”
“NO CAKE!?” TS looked like he might pass out. “B-B-But we have to have a cake!”
Rikku scratched her head. “Hmm... I know, you should go buy one!”
It took a moment for Phazon to realize she was pointing at him. “W-What? Me? But it's my birthday!”
“Okay then... let me borrow your wallet and I'll go buy one.” Rikku smiled a sly smile.
“Fine, I'm going, I'm going...” Phazon muttered, knowing full well that Rikku was trained as a thief and that meant his wallet was something she could not be trusted with.
Teh Bakery
8:52 AM
Teh Bakery, a favorite spot of Teh City's superhero, was a quaint little shop that always smells wonderful. The line stretches around the sides of the display cases, letting customers eye-shop while waiting to get to the cash register and order. Phazon was looking through the glass cases, looking for a suitable cake when the ding-ding of the bell above the front door sounded. He turned around to see HA the Flan-I taking a spot in line behind him; a incredibly short man with a bushy white beard and a long red hat in a cage he was holding.
“Oi! Didn't expect to run into you here!” HA laughed.
“Yeah, have to buy a cake.” Phazon nodded.
“Oh... well, careful, I saw Kimi and Sama a few blocks away from here and if you run into her it's goodbye to your cake; and any fingers you can't move out of the way quick enough.”
Phazon did not seem to catch the humor of his words, because his senses – which for obvious reasons were very in-tune with the dark side – had picked up on the caged man. HA seemed to notice and quickly explained.
“It's a Birthday Gnome.” HA nodded proudly. “I bought it from those guys selling all of Sauron's old things.”
“Birthday Gnome?” Phazon raised an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah! They're great! Immense magical powers – practically Beyonder-level universal bending stuff; but they've got more restrictions on 'em than a Genie.” HA grinned, clearly pleased with his purchase.
“Why is it called a 'Birthday Gnome'?” Phazon found the choice of name odd.
“Oh, 'cause if you run across one on your birthday, it'll get a twinkle in it's eye, snap it's fingers and mess with your whole universe. It'll put you in a dangerous situation, and you have till midnight to escape . . . if you don't; BOOM! It eats your stomach and become invincible. Then it goes on a murderous rampage, leaving behind death, darkness and despair the likes of which none can imagine in it's wake. Luckily it can only do that if you see one on your birthday, so they're pretty safe as pets most of the year.”
Phazon yelped. “C-Can it tell it's your birthday just by looking at you?”
“I sure can, bub!” The Birthday Gnome sat up in the cage and flashed a toothy grin full of fangs at Phazon. “Invincibility, here I come!”
The last thing he remembered hearing was the snapping of the Gnome's fingers.
Teh City Park
Statue of Ace
9:02 AM
'Uhh... my head... it hurts so much... and my eyes are blurry... and that ringing, is that my ears...?'
The formerly-Darth Phazon woke up with his gloved hand clutched to his head. At first, his vision was a total mess; but it quickly returned to normal. He looked up to see the giant bronze statue of Ace Ventura that sat in the southern end of Teh Park. He noticed almost immediately the strange red stains on the statue. Then he heard the ringing again and realized it had not been his ears; it was a cell phone!
Looking down, he found a cell phone on the ground . . . it was in a hand. That hand was connected to a wrist, which was connected to a arm, which (bad-song-pun-skipped) was connected to a dead body. Phazon jumped up and realized he had been lying on the ground close to a dead person . . . and what's worse, he was covered in the poor fellow's blood!
“... This won't end well.” Phazon groaned.
“FREEZE! Don't move! Hands on your head!”
“If I can't move, how do I get my hands on my head?”
K & Co. Law Offices
Sama's Desk
9:19 AM
“AHHHHH! THIS IS HORRIBLE! TRAGIC! AWFUL, EVEN!”
“I know! The whole universe just got turned upside down and suddenly I'm wearing these weird clothes!”
“What? No! My DS! I ran out of charge! WHY!?”
The sound of a teenage superhero kicking her sidekick in the head is usually a lot louder, and followed by a loud crash. In this case, Sama only doubled over in pain – he did not go flying into a wall.
“Bah! My powers are gone!”
“I fink yew bwoke fy bose.”
Kimi and Sama had suddenly found themselves in a law office instead of a giant tower shaped like the tenth letter of the alphabet. Sama had not noticed because he had his nose buried in the screens of his DS; Kimi on the other hand was a bit perplexed.
“Hey Kimi, did you redecorate?” Sama blinked, looking around the law office.
“Do I ever do any work?” Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“... Good point... and I know I didn't... Zim would have broke stuff, and Joha would have made me do it... so... who did it?” Sama blinked.
The door was flung open at that moment as another two people ran into the room. The first was TS whom they had briefly met when Pepsi threatened the world; and the second was Rikku, who had been there, but had not talked with Kimi or Sama on that occasion.
“Hey! You're the lawyer, right?” TS asked as he tried to catch his breath; apparently they had ran all the way to the Law Office. Kimi blinked and looked even more confused.
“Lawyer? Who? I'm a superhero . . . even if right now I'm dressed like a hippie . . .” Kimi scratched her head, confounded by the whole situation.
“Well, we were told a great lawyer works here and we need some hel-- Sama!” Rikku paused mid-sentence.
“Eh? ... Do I know you...?” Sama blinked; and for the second time that day he was kicked in the face.
“It's me, Rikku! We met when you were staying in Bikanel.”
“Ooooh!” Sama nodded. “Yeah, I remember you!” His face suddenly took on a irritated expression. “Cid blamed me for stealing that Gil and sent a crazy robot spider to hunt me down – and then it turned out YOU were the thief all along!”
Rikku coughed. “Oh... you remember that too, huh?”
Sama scratched the back of his head. “Yeah . . . but, then again, I did steal a sphere or two, so I guess I wasn't exactly innocent...”
“Hey!” TS called, tapping his foot impatiently. “We haven't got time for all this . . . we have to clear Phazon's name!”
“Oh! Right!” Rikku nodded, clapping her hands together.
“What happened?” Kimi raised a eyebrow.
“Well, when we found him, he was in the Detention Center.” TS explained. “Apparently they think he killed someone.”
“Which he didn't!” Rikku added loudly as she saw Kimi open her mouth. It seemed that the Al Bhed girl knew what the question would be.
“And you came here . . . because you thought we were lawyers?” Sama blinked
“You ARE lawyers.” A loud voice said from behind. Quickly the four people in the room spun around wildly, looking for any sight they could find. Instead of a person, they found a familiar snake-sized leech curled on the floor.
“AHH! SHANNON!” Sama quickly jumped behind his desk and began to shake. The anaconda-like leech seemed to have taken a fancy to him... or at least the taste of his head.
“Relax. It's just me.” The leech announced, and it was then that Kimi recognized the voice.
“HA!?” Kimi gasped, her jaw dropping. Sama poked his head up cautiously and peered out at the leech. TS blinked, he was confused about the whole situation already, and this was not helping. Rikku raised a eyebrow and shot a silent glance at Kimi as if asking whether or not this was for real.
“Listen up kiddos! We're caught in a Birthday Clock.” HA said dramatically, but no one else seemed to understand the gravity of his words. He sweat dropped and shook his head. “Long story short, a Birthday Gnome screwed up our universe. You got turned into a lawyer, and you became a Spirit Medium. You've got to get Phazon found 'Not Guilty' by Midnight... or else the Birthday Gnome will kill him and gain invincibility. Then... well, shows over. For good.”
Sama gulped. Kimi blinked.
“So... it turned you into a helpful leech?” Kimi blinked.
“Yeah... heh, the gnome didn't like me much...” HA coughed. “I guess 'cause I threatened to feed him to Shannon if he got me mad...”
“Hold on!” TS interrupted. “You mean we're all doomed if we don't win Phazon's trial?”
“That's exactly what I mean!” HA replied with a sigh. “We've only got a matter of hours until the trial, so we better get ready.”
“OR,” Kimi interrupted. “We could find this Gnome and hurt him. That usually works whenever the whole universe is about to be destroyed.”
“She has a point.” TS nodded.
“Unfortunately, even if we killed the Gnome, if Phazon loses that trial he'll still come back to life and become invincible.” HA sighed. “Those Birthday Gnomes are pesky little devils. Still... if we capture him, it could make things easier in the long run.”
“What do you mean?” Sama asked with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew the answer would not be good news.
“The Gnome is going to do whatever it can to make sure we lose. It can't just up and kill Phazon; it's like a game to the gnome, and the rules have to be followed.” HA explained. “Bottom line: Only way we'll get out of this mess is to get Phazon found not guilty.”
“And we are sure he's not guilty, right?” Kimi asked skeptically.
“Hey! I know he tried to kill you guys before and everything... but he's changed! He only became evil because of Soda! He wouldn't kill anyone.” Rikku nodded.
“Alright... then I'll take the case!” Sama said, banging his right fist into his left hand. Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“You? What kind of experience could YOU have as a lawyer.”
“I've been addicted to Phoenix Wright for days and I watch a lot of Boston Legal.” Sama replied at once.
Kimi slapped her head.
Teh City Park
Statue of Ace
9:45 AM
“Hmm... So this is the crime scene.” Sama nodded, rubbing his chin. The group of four had arrived at the crime scene and were now looking for clues as to what could have happened. Kimi shook her head.
“We're superheroes, not detectives. How are we supposed to solve this?” Kimi scratched her head.
“Easy! We just point and click! Information will be displayed about anything we click on.” Sama nodded.
“... Maybe hiring a lawyer whose only experience is a video game was a bad idea.” TS coughed.
“Hey! I get experience from TV too!” Sama shot back.
Rikku shrugged. “I guess the gnome decided to do things this way so we wouldn't have much of a chance.”
Sama made a whimpering sound. “Doesn't anybody here have some faith in my abilities to win a trial?”
“Not a chance, pal!”
It was better than a cricket chirping – at least that was what the sidekick-turned-attorney thought when he heard the voice. Kimi was the first to turn to the speaker and the first to groan.
“Coojie! You look ridiculous in that outfit.”
Darth Rowen was a long-time enemy of the crime fighting duo and their allies. Usually he walked around dressed in black ninja clothes and a red cape. Today, however, he was wearing a over-sized trench coat and a fedora hat. He raised an eyebrow.
“Speaking of looking ridiculous...” Rowen replied with a smug little smirk. Kimi clenched her fists and looked as if she'd run over and punch him, but perhaps out of fear of tripping over the spirit medium's robes she was wearing, she stayed put.
“Wait... you're Gumshoe? That Gnome made a villain become the cop!?” Sama crossed his arms. “Just great.”
“Gnome? Pfft, don't know what you mean. While being a cop is the exact opposite of being a super villain, if it means we're still on opposite sides I guess I just learned to like my new job.” Rowen grinned.
“Soon as we fix the universe, we have to hurt him for this.” Kimi grumbled.
Rowen then laughed a bit. “Well losers, I'd love to stay and fight, but I think I'd rather crush you in court. Heh... getting to embarrass you both in front of a crowded audience... Now that's something I could get used to.”
“Of course, if you do win we all die.” Rikku pointed out.
Darth Rowen paused. “... Naw... I'm sure whatever happened to the universe was for the side of evil. Crushing you guys tonight in court will mean when the universe is fixed, CHoW and I will rule the world... or something.” He did seem a bit confused by the whole situation, but he shrugged and ran off.
“Well that could have gone worse.” TS said optimistically.
Sama laughed in a nervous way. Instantly three pairs of eyes were staring at him with annoyed glared. “I-It's just... in the game... Gumshoe... that's who Rowen is emulating... is suppose to provide helpful information... and since he didn't...”
“HEY! Don't you dare say you can't win!” Rikku jabbed a finger against his chest. “Even if that Gnome is doing everything he can to screw this up, we can still win this trial!”
“No, you can't. At least, not without me!”
Another surprise voice from the side (as seems to happen a lot, I notice) and once more heads spun around. (I hope nobody hurts their neck doing that so much...)
A cocoa-haired girl stood before them, dressed in a ordinary high school uniform... with rubber gloves, a lab coat and large pink sunglasses over top of it. “Name's Ema Skye, Scientific Investigator! If you really want to solve this case, I can help.”
“Can you help us?” TS asked with a cautious and hoping smile.
“Sure can!” Ema nodded, adjusting her glasses. “Here, have some luminol! Spray it everywhere and watch the clues appear!”
Handing a large bottle to Sama, Ema had no idea the trouble she was about to cause. Sama grinned from ear to ear and started spraying luminol everywhere he could see: The statue, the ground, even in other people's faces.
“Pah! STOP THAT!” Kimi quickly took the bottle from her sidekick after he had drenched the entire area in the florescent spray. Sama crossed his arms, but Kimi refused to return the bottle, instead handing it over to Ema. The teenage CSI, however, was not paying much attention. Her pink sunglasses allowed her to view the results of the spray, and what she saw was . . . surprising.
“Oh wow... This is a huge clue!” Ema nodded.
“Excellent! Then we'd better head to the Detention Center and meet with Phazon.” Sama announced.
From the top of the statues' head, a tiny pair of eyes flashed dangerously below. The Birthday Gnome was not pleased.
Detention Center
Visitor's Room
10:00 AM
“... Wow.”
The situation had been explained in full to Phazon by TS, who was but one of the five people sitting on the other side of a glass wall from him. Kimi, Sama, Rikku, TS and Ema had piled into the small visitor's area to speak with him. Right now, though, things did not look very good for anyone.
“So you said Rowen was the detective?” Phazon asked, making sure he understood everything.
“Yeah, it was Coojie alright. Though he seemed less bent on killing us for a change.” Kimi nodded.
Sama added: “Probably because he didn't have any powers either.”
Phazon was not as amused, though. “Then... the Prosecutor at trial...”
Sama nodded. “Yeah! I've been going crazy trying to figure out who it could be! I mean, if I'm emulating Phoenix, then the Prosecutor must be standing in for Edgeworth... that would mean they'd have to be my rival, but also someone a lot like me who did my job previous to me but now does the exact opposite... I just can't imagine who that could be.”
Kimi blinked and looked over to him. “PLEASE tell me that was sarcasm.”
Sama gulped. “Uhh... of course it was! I-I know, but, uh, just in case anyone else hasn't figured it out, maybe you should say it. T-That way I'll know if you're right and can tell you so.”
Kimi ignored him. Ema leaned in to the glass and held up a photograph. “Don't worry, this is a picture of the luminol we sprayed... see that clue?”
Phazon's jaw dropped. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yes!” Ema nodded excitedly.
“And that would mean...” Phazon trailed off.
Ema grinned. “Exactly! We'll win for sure with this evidence!”
TS, however, seemed uneasy about the whole thing. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair for a moment until he finally stood up and said what was on his mind. “It's a little too easy, don't you think? That Gnome will do something to mess with us in court.”
“Naw! HA said he'd figure out a way to fight back, remember?” Sama reminded him with optimism in his voice.
“I hope so...” Phazon replied. “Because we're running out of time.”
“... actually it's only 10:04.” Rikku announced as she looked at the clock.
Phazon paused. “Oh.” He sat in silence for a moment and then shrugged. “That seems slightly less dramatic.”
“Don't worry!” Sama said cheerfully. “We have a lot of leftover time now, but the trial we only get two hours for – and we have to do what should take days! It'll be next-to-impossible!”
Behind his sunglasses, Phazon's eye twitched from annoyance. “That makes me feel so much better.”
The guard who stood behind the glass with Phazon walked over to the window. “Visiting hours are over.” He said in a matter-of-fact voice. He grabbed Phazon by the arm and stood him up roughly. “Come on, bub.”
The guard had led him out the door and halfway down the hall before Phazon realized something was wrong. Something bothered him about the abrupt end to his conversation, and while he had quickly realized what it was, he had not had a chance to do anything about it until this very moment.
Halfway down the hall there was a door on the left. Phazon hurled himself against the guard, knocking him into the door. The impact of the two of them crashing into it was enough to send it sprawling open. Phazon toppled onto the floor, but despite him being between the Flan-I and the door, the guard had not crashed to the floor.
Instead, he was standing on the desk in the door, crouching down on all fours.
“I see you figured it out, eh, bub?” The guard grinned a toothy smile.
“You're the Gnome.” Phazon narrowed his eyes, though with the sunglasses it was hard to tell. “Trying to stop me from surviving this trial.”
“Hoho! Haha! Hehe! You're right, bub!” The Gnome growled, turning back into his true form. He flashed his fangs once more and crossed his arms proudly. “And you can't win, no no no! I stacked the deck in my favor! I'm going to be the winner and you're going to be the loser: That's just how it is!”
Phazon was a good guy now, but an old dog never forgets his tricks. He reached into his right boot and took out a small object that looked like a chap stick. However, it was smooth and made of metal, with a small button on the side. The Gnome jumped forward but Phazon pressed that button and tossed the 'chap stick' right at him. Just as the Gnome came within a inch of the stick, it exploded leaving a cloud of purple dust.
“GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRAGGGGGGGGH!” The Gnome bellowed out in pain, fell on the floor and began to roll around on his back. His tiny hands, which looked more like claws now, were covering his face. The white beard seemed to be wild and tattered and his red triangle hat was slouching. Phazon kicked the Gnome across the room like a soccer ball and then bolted out the door.
Unfortunately...
“FREEZE!” He found himself face to face with Rowen, who was stilled dressed like a typical movie detective. With a revolver pointed at his chest and no Flan-I powers to protect him, Phazon knew he could not escape. From behind Rowen, he heard hands clapping.
“Well, well, well... the once 'Dark Lord' has been reduced to a mere puppet.” A man stood behind Rowen and he wore a red suit with a frilly lace puff coming out of the front and the sleeves. His face probably had a smirk running across his lips, but it was impossible to tell with the black helmet covering it.
“You're wearing a frilly, lace suit and that ridiculous helmet and you're going to mock me?” Phazon raised a brow. “I think that speaks for itself.”
CHoW took a Edgeworth-style bow. “Laugh if you want to, but you won't win the day. I'm not sure what happened to cause all of this, but I do know one thing: Getting you found 'Guilty' means beating Kimi and Sama – and that's motivation enough for me!”
For a brief moment, Phazon thought about explaining about the Birthday Gnome and the impending destruction of the known universe. Yet, he knew by now the Gnome had vanished from the side room they had fought in and he had no proof. He also knew that CHoW wouldn't believe him, thinking it was part of some escape attempt.
With no other choice, Phazon surrendered.
Teh City District Court
Defense Lobby
9:58 PM
“Hey, out of curiosity, what did you guys do all day after you left the detention center?” Phazon asked, looking over to the other people who had packed themselves into the Defense Lobby.
“We went to a buffet.” Kimi nodded. “All you can eat, which without my superpowers wasn't as much as normal. Then we hit the comic book store, and then we went to a Go-Kart place.”
Phazon felt like he might cry. Instead he muttered something under his breath and sat down on the small crimson colored couch. Looking back up to the crime fighters, scientific investigator, professional thief and his own Flan-I apprentice standing around him, he did feel a bit better. While it was irritating to learn that, with his life and the fate of the universe on the line they had been goofing off, he still felt oddly calm. Perhaps it was because he had seen Kimi and Sama manage to do the impossible on several occasions in the past.
“Alright, time for court.” The Bailiff had just walked over to the group. For a second, Phazon was hesitate, remembering the incident from earlier. However, the bailiff quickly walked away and dispelled the notion that he was actually a evil beyonder-level gnome. Turning once more to the superhero duo, Phazon scratched his neck.
“I hope you came up with a plan while riding those Go-Karts.”
Sama nodded. “Relax... we got this one in the bag. No problem!”
Teh City District Court
Courtroom No. 4
10:00 PM
The Courtroom was a small, uncomfortable place. To the right side of the room was a wooden table where the prosecutor stood; CHoW was behind it and while he looked out of place without a cape, Hawaiian shirt and wearing red, he seemed to be perfectly happy. On the left, at a matching table, stood Sama with Kimi right beside him.
Phazon was seated elsewhere, while TS, Rikku and Ema had gathered in the audience. Also in the audience were two hooded strangers, and in the seat beside them the giant serpent-sized leech that HA had been transformed into was curled up, but actively watching.
“Is the prosecution ready?” In the middle of the room, just in front of the witness stand, was a giant podium. At the top sat the judge; in this case it was Spoony.
“We are, your honor.” CHoW grinned, shooting a glance to Rowen in the stands. They clearly had something planned.
“What about the defense?” Judge Spoon asked as he turned to face Sama.
Sama scratched his head. “Not really... oww! I mean, yeah, yeah we are.” After being elbowed in the side by Kimi he remembered they had only two hours to conduct the trial, lest the world should come to an end.
“Very well.” Spoony said seriously as he turned his sights back to Prosecutor CHoW. “You may call your first witness.”
Phazon looked directly at the Prosecutor's Bench and he saw something that unnerved him. Right behind CHoW sat Rowen, and there was a devilish little smirk on his face. That meant trouble. Phazon had a feeling that, even if they did not know it, the two of them were helping the Gnome. He knew that if he was to have any luck what-so-ever in getting acquitted, stopping the evil Birthday Gnome and restoring the universe to the way it should be it would mean stopping whatever CHoW and Rowen had planned.
“The Prosecution calls Detective Rowen.” CHoW said matter-of-factly. Phazon leaned forward, feeling uneasy about what was going to happen next. He had no idea what – if anything – the others had discovered before they went to the buffet. Still, that gnome was somewhere around here.
Rowen slowly approached the stand in the middle of the room and stood behind the podium. He grinned and shot a glance over to Kimi and Sama. Then he looked to Phazon. Clearly Rowen felt no remorse for using him as a pawn to defeat the heroes. The 'detective' smirked and then cast one final glance at CHoW. CHoW nodded once and then he began to speak.
“Detective, state your name and occupation for the record.” CHoW asked as he crossed his arms.
“Rowen. I'm a detective.” Rowen replied, showing the amusement he felt for the whole situation on his face.
“Shouldn't your occupation be 'crazy ninja psychopath'?” Sama asked.
“The witness has no idea what you're talking about. He's one of the good guys.” It was hard to keep a straight face saying that; but CHoW wears a helmet and that helps a lot.
The gavel of the judge slammed into his podium. “Overruled. I'm afraid I have to penalize you, Mr. Sama.” Spoony hopped off the bench, walked across the room and slapped Sama in the face with the wooden hammer. Sama 'meeped' and jumped back, but the judge was done with the punishment and returned to his seat.
“Wow... they actually hurt you in this court.” Kimi glanced to her sidekick who was, naturally, at her side. “I'm starting to be glad you're taking the led on this adventure.”
“Gee, thanks.” Sama muttered as he rubbed his aching face.
“Detective, you may continue your testimony.” CHoW said, and Phazon could have sworn he heard a snicker from under his breath. He slumped back in his chair, suddenly much more worried about this trial than he had been before.
– Witness Testimony -
I arrived at Teh City Park at a little after nine this morning.
There I found the victim... dead and covered in blood!
The statue of Ventura was also blood-stained... as was the defendant's hands and clothes!
I arrested him right away, without so much as a single question.
“Hmm... that does sound like some incriminating evidence if I ever heard it.” Judge Spoon concluded, nodding. “Alright, you may cross-examine the witness now.”
– Cross Examination -
Phazon was worried... this sounded very bad, and he couldn't find a single hole in Rowen's testimony. Of course, that was because CHoW was doing everything in his power to win. Phazon's fate held no concern to CHoW . . . defeating Kimi and Sama was his only goal. Still, it sounded like Sama had found something at the crime scene... he just hoped it would be enough; or else a gnome was going to feast on his stomach and become invincible!
“Witness! I have a question!” Sama announced, stating the obvious in a overly-dramatic way. “Do you recognize THIS picture?”
Kimi responded by holding up a photograph for Rowen to see. Rowen blinked and nodded, letting out a small laugh.
“Of course! That's the blood on the statue at the scene of the crime.” Rowen's matter-of-fact tone impressed the judge and the audience. With the exception of the two hooded figures next to HA.
“WRONG! Hahahah!” Sama grinned. “Your Honor, this picture was taken AFTER we sprayed the blood – with Luminol!” Sama roared in triumph.
His cries fell on deaf ears, neither Spoony, CHoW or even Rowen seemed to understand how that changed anything at all. Sama sweat dropped and coughed. Kimi shook her head and shot a look at Phazon over in his chair... he at least seemed to have understood and his jaw had dropped.
“... Err... Mr. Rice... what does the blood stain have to do with anything?” Spoony asked, looking a bit peeved.
“Simple... we sprayed the 'blood' with Luminol... and it didn't glow! Ergo: It is not a blood stain!” Sama's voice became dramatic and he pointed a finger in the direction of CHoW.
CHoW grabbed at his heart, Rowen gasped and sputtered and Judge Spoon banged his gavel several times to quiet down the noise in the courtroom.
“Order! Order! Order!” Judge Spoon banged his gavel like crazy. He then looked over at the Prosecutor's table and glared. “Prosecutor CHoW, do you have anything to say about this shocking turn of events?”
CHoW looked flustered. Even with his face hidden, that was clear. He was sweating and fidgeting in his seat. However, a moment later a look of understanding crossed his face. Sama noticed that Professor AGOI had just arrived behind him, leaned forward and whispered something to him.
“Looks like the Professor is the Prosecution's Scientific Investigator.” Kimi crossed her arms.
Sama shrugged. “That makes sense... but it still can't be good for us.”
“Your Honor... I have two rebuttals to that. First of all: If that substance isn't blood, then what is it?” CHoW crossed his arms.
“Cherry Coke.” Sama replied, also crossing his arms.
“A-Are you mad?” CHoW replied, and from the metallic clunk that was sounded it was clear his jaw had dropped.
“Nope. I tested it.” Sama said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“... How?” CHoW asked, in a almost afraid tone.
Sama raised a eyebrow. “I tasted it.”
There was a hushed pause. Even Kimi raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You licked a statue... that you thought was covered in blood?”
“No, no! I licked it AFTER we sprayed the luminol and knew it wasn't blood.” Sama replied.
Kimi scratched her head. “So... you licked those chemicals... and a dirty statue... and old cherry coke?”
CHoW sputtered. “You sick wombat!”
Sama blinked. “Wombat? Where did that come from?”
“Well... Uhh... Wombat... and... YOU LICKED A STATUE!” CHoW growled. Sama objected to that, CHoW objected right back; Sama blasted back with another, then CHoW objected once more. This continued on for quite a while, until, at long last . . .
Judge Spoon had objected. “That's just... let's move on, okay.”
The Professor whispered something else to the Prosecutor from behind the podium and CHoW, remembering his earlier words, regained his composure. He fixed his shirt collar and then said, in a calm, clear voice: “So what?”
Phazon blinked and turned around to look at TS, Rikku and Ema. All three of them returned puzzled expressions and shrugged. When Phazon returned his gaze to CHoW the explanation continued.
“So the stain on the statue was not blood... did you test the stain on the victim, or on the defendant's clothing?” CHoW asked. The moment the question was asked, Sama felt like someone had kicked him in the throat. Phazon groaned and slumped back in his chair. He should have known that this was too good to be true.
Sama quickly turned to Kimi. “I don't suppose you could channel the spirit of our victim, could you?”
Kimi paused and closed her eyes... but after a moment, she sighed and said, with a shake of her head: “I think right now all I'm channeling is a losing vibe.”
The “lawyer” groaned. From his seat, so did his client. Phazon saw a opening to strike, and if the trial had been their only problem then maybe he'd have a chance. However, as his eyes glanced at the clock he gasped.
11:50. Apparently, Sama and CHoW had spent so long objecting to one another in the beginning that they had wasted a great deal of time.
“Ack... Oh... OH!” Kimi yelled loudly, suddenly becoming the focus of attention. She threw the back of her hand against her forehead. “I'm channeling the spirit! Of the victim! Uhh... he says, that he wasn't murdered... he tripped and fell... spilling his cherry coke on a statue! Yeah!”
Spoony gasped. “Wow...”
“WAIT! Aren't you supposed to go all trance-like... and isn't your appearance supposed to change!?” CHoW demanded, pointing his gloved finger at Kimi. She stuck her tongue out at him, knowing that the judge had missed his argument completely.
“Seeing as how the victim's death was an accident and no fault of Phazon's... this court rules that he is --” Spoony was about to make it official, sealing the Birthday Gnome's fate and saving Phazon from what could have been his last few moments of life. Unfortunately, things are never quite that simple.
“NOT SO FAST!” All at once a small lawn gnome appeared on the witness stand. Rowen yelped and jumped back as the gnome snatched the hat off his head and revealed pointed fangs, claws and a horribly wrinkled face. “You're lying! You can't channel the victim: Because I was the victim! It was all a set up!” The Birthday Gnome roared.
Kimi crossed her arms. “So you admit there was no murder?”
“Of course there was no murder!”
“And you admit you're trying to eat Phazon's stomach and become invincible so you can unleash a never-ending spree of violence and chaos unto our world?” She asked once more.
“Yes, yes! I'm all about chaos and – oh butter biscuits.” The Gnome seemed to realized what had just happened.
“'Oh Butter Biscuits'? That's got to be the dumbest thing I ever heard. Who would say some stupid line like that just because something bad happened to them?” Sama asked, raising an eyebrow. Kimi decided not to point out the obvious.
Spoony cleared his throat and raised his gavel. “Well, given this was all a ploy to annihilate all mankind... Phazon, I find you... Not Guilty!”
There was great cheering from the crowd. Rikku jumped for joy, TS pumped his arms and Ema adjusted her glasses and (just for the heck of it) started spraying a bottle of luminol in the air.
CHoW grumbled and slumped into a chair behind the Prosecutor's Podium. “My perfect record... ruined!”
“Uhh... this was your first case.” Rowen reminded him.
CHoW glared and said: “And until this case I had never had a case to lose, so my record was perfect!”
Kimi jumped up onto the podium and stood in a triumphal pose. Then she sighed and climbed back down next to Sama.
“What's wrong?” The sidekick, who was also beside himself with happiness, asked.
“I miss being able to float...” Kimi replied.
“Aww, no worries! I'm sure the universe will be back to normal any second! After all, we won, and it's not like the Gnome can cheat and still attack Phazon.”
Kimi, who knew that sentence was nothing but trouble waiting to happen, punched Sama in the arm preemptively.
“Fools! Foolish fools who foolish dream fools dreams of foolish foolery!” The Gnome roared (in keeping with the theme) and turned his sights on Phazon. “So my Birthday Clock was defeated – it's not midnight yet! I can still attack you and eat your stomach! I CAN STILL BE UNSTOPPABLE!”
Phazon sweat dropped. He knew that, until his birthday ended at 12:01 AM, neither he nor anyone else had their usual powers. The Gnome, on the other hand, could go toe-to-toe with Anti-Amelie on any given day. That Gnome charged at Phazon's seat – but Phazon jumped to the side right as the Gnome sunk his greed little claws into the wooden chair tore it to shreds.
Phazon ran across the courtroom and jumped up onto the Judge's Podium. Spoony fell backwards to make room as the Gnome launched himself at Phazon once more. Thinking fast, Phazon grabbed the judge's gavel and:
SMACK!
With a sound like thunder, the gavel broke against the Gnome's face. The Gnome cried out in pain as its nose was shattered and it fell several feet down to the floor. The Judge's Podium was high up for a human; for a small gnome it was even worse. Phazon jumped down and aimed to stomp on the Gnome, but he vanished away with a pop.
Phazon crashed into the ground and rolled to avoid any serious injury. Unfortunately, one still found him. Not the fall – the fangs! The Gnome had reappeared on his back and was biting his neck and scratching his shoulders. Phazon cried out, but threw himself backwards into the Judge's Podium; smashing the Gnome between his body and the extra-tall desk. The Gnome plopped down to the ground and Phazon ran back to the Defendant's Chair.
“Anybody have a weapon?” He asked, but TS' Flansaber had disappeared earlier, Rikku had left her Cat's Claws back at Phazon's Pad and all Ema had to offer was:
“Luminol?” Phazon blinked as she shoved the bottle into his arms. “I'm not sure this will--”
“That stuff stings if it gets in your eyes!” Ema noted. “It says so on the label.”
The Gnome roared as it regained its composure and jumped from the floor. It charged at Phazon's recklessly, flailing its claws about as it ran. With nothing to lose but his life and the future of the universe, he aimed the bottle of Luminol, adjusted the nozzle from “spray” to “stream” and let loose with a blast of the chemical.
The luminol hit the Birthday Gnome right in his face and the Gnome yelped, falling backwards. A cloud of white steam was billowing off his face and he was moaning and yelping. Phazon aimed for a second shot after seeing the powerful effect, but the Gnome got up and ran for the door.
However, before it could get there the two hooded figures who had sat with HA for the trial leaped into action; slamming shut the giant doors so quickly that the half-blinded-by-luminol gnome could not stop. The Gnome crashed into the doors, rolled backwards and was an easy target for a second spray of Luminol.
With a loud fizz and a screeching hiss, as white smoke engulfed his body, the gnome roared one last time and vanished. Phazon panted a bit and looked up to the two hooded figures; who by now had removed their hoods and revealed themselves as none other than the original hooded and mystery Flan-I, Crystal Rose and her first student and best friend Tazzy Benobi.
“Come on, you knew we'd show up.” Crystal grinned, almost as if talking to some audience that was watching this whole event unfold.
“Even if this time we only get a small part.” Tazzy coughed, almost as if tormenting the author and his inability to fit everyone into a major role in every story.
“Hang on...” Kimi blinked and then a small but intimidatingly devious smile crossed her lips. “If the Gnome is defeated, then...”
“That means...” Sama caught on and grinned.
The two jumped into the middle of the courtroom and, like comic relief villains, they threw off the disguises they had been wearing the whole time and somehow had their usual crime fighting clothes on underneath.
“Prepare for trouble.” Kimi glared.
“Make it double.” Sama grinned.
“Oh no... now they're doing this?” CHoW sighed.
“To protect the world from freaky foodstuff!”
“To kick your asses really rough!”
“Super Kimi!”
“Wonder Sama!”
“Should we run?” Rowen asked.
“Yes, yes we should.” CHoW replied.
“Superheroes blast off at the speed of light!”
“And now here's the part where we win the fight!”
Since Rowen and CHoW were still in the disguises the Gnome's magic had given them, they had no Flansabers to draw. They didn't have time to try to fix this, because Kimi shot forward and in a matter of seconds there was a large dust cloud and many cries of pain from inside it. Sama started to run forward to join in, but he was stopped.
“Hold on! Um... I just wanted to say, thanks... and... I guess you're not as goofy as you were when you stayed at Bikanel.” Rikku admitted.
“Yeah, well, it's amazing what being bludgeoned with magic chopsticks can do for you.” Sama replied.
“Well, you did save Phazon... so I guess we were right not to fire you and hire Alan Shore when we had the chance.” Rikku nodded, remembering back to the encounter at the Go-Kart Place that had resulted in Denny Crane shooting a Go-Kart. Then she hugged him.
“Heh... Rowen and CHoW are getting thrashed, and I even got a hug from a pretty girl! I don't see any possible way this could turn into a bad thing!” Sama grinned, proving that, even by now, he had not learned his lesson about making statements like that.
When Sama heard the voice yell behind him, he turned around... and screamed.
“AHHH! VON KARMA! Not the old, freaky one, but the younger, much prettier but no less scary daughter!” Sama gulped.
“WRONG YOU IDIOT!” The person dressed as Von Karma growled.
“Oh... Blackfire... heh... who'd have thought that would be even worse?” Sama coughed.
CRACK! The whip flew right at it's mark: Sama's head.
“Aww, Potatoes...”
Meanwhile, Phazon was being unusually quiet for a moment of triumph. He saw the now-human-again HA running around with his cage, looking for the missing Birthday Gnome and it had him a bit worried. True, it was 12:07 now and his Birthday was over... but that did not reassure him. That Gnome was a powerful enemy, and there was always next year...
“Hey!” Ema yelled, snapping him into reality. “You used all my Luminol on that Gnome!” She jabbed a finger into his chest.
“Ah... sorry... but I was trying to save all humanity.” Phazon replied, though from the look on Ema's face he knew that did not mean much.
“Well... whatever! I'll just follow you around until you repay me for it!” Ema announced, proving she cared as much for a bottle of luminol as some girls did for bicycles that were mysteriously destroyed by electric mice.
Phazon sweat dropped. “I don't really know what to say to that.”
“Eh, one more ally! I'd say it's good.” TS chimed in.
“Darn it... we were used by some stupid magic Gnome AND we got beaten by Kimi.” CHoW sighed. He and Rowen were now slowly walking the dense, dark Foodstuffs Forest, the location of their Not-So-Secret Secret Lair. Rowen was trudging along behind him, trying to make the best of things.
“Well, at least we aren't in prison. Besides, you'll cheer up soon enough.” Rowen grinned sheepishly. CHoW froze.
“... You know about my birthday, I'd forgotten that.” CHoW groaned.
“Of course! And we're going to have a party, which will help take our minds off the intense pain of super hero punch wounds.”
CHoW shrugged. “Eh, good point. For once, we get the cake... yeah... now that you mention it, I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet birthday.”
As the two walked on towards LASOOF's HQ, a pair of tiny bloodshot eyes peered out from behind a bush. While his vision was not so good due to luminol burns, his hearing was perfect.
“A Birthday, huh, bub?”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARK PHAZON
^_^ Hope you enjoyed it. I know you like Phoenix Wright so I figured you'd enjoy this.
I still have more birthday stories to go... I'm working on 'em. :3
Trial Of The Century
Teh City District Court
Defense Lobby
9:50 PM
The Defense Lobby was not known for comfort. The room was small with a white-tiled floor and matching walls. A tall white column stood in the corner of the room, and against it rested a potted plant. A funny little painting hung above a old, red leather couch. Two guards stood at the tall wooden doors that led into the courtroom, both were stoic and seemed to ignore the two people in the room.
In the middle of the room were two young people. The one sitting on the couch looked rather nervous, constantly checking his watch. He wore a uniform that was mostly white, but included blue boots and gloves. He also had on dark sunglasses. This man had, up until a few months ago, been one of the worst villains to ever threaten Teh City. Now, though, he was living a much quieter – and far more helpful – life as a “semi-hero”.
To his left was a younger girl with rich brown hair who wore a lab coat over what looked like a school uniform. Pink glasses were fixed over her eyes and she wore rubber gloves; a strange sight to some, but she did not seem too out of place here.
“Relax!” Ema Skye piped up, looking over to Phazon. “I'm sure your lawyer is just... uh... caught in traffic.”
“I hope that's the reason, but . . . I don't know, I think I'm going to regret hiring this particular lawyer.” Phazon scratched his head. “Then again, it was the best I could do on such short notice.”
Suddenly the door opened and in walked two familiar faces. The first was tall and male. He wore a blue suit, his attorney's badge pinned to the collar, and he had spiked-up brown hair. He also had a look on his face as if he was really enjoying himself. Standing beside him was a shorter girl with brown haired tied up in a top-knot. She was dressed in a odd training uniform that made her look like she belonged in a ninja movie. Her arms were crossed and she looked annoyed.
Had it been Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey, perhaps Phazon would not have been so nervous.
Instantly the lawyer reached for something out of his pocket; it was a silver Nintendo DS. He quickly began to play it, seemingly ignoring Phazon, Ema and the girl at his side.
“... What are you doing?” The girl asked, trying to hold back her annoyance.
“I'm almost to the first day of trial on the second case of the second game.” The boy replied, not looking up from the dual screens.
“... We have a real trial. RIGHT NOW.” The girl was losing her patience.
“Yeah, yeah, we have till midnight; that's like two hours. I'm sure we'll be fine.” The boy was more involved with his game; as if it was consuming all of his free time.
Finally reaching her boiling point, the girl grabbed the DS and held it in front of her. The boy made a gurgling sound and shivered a bit, almost as if not having the DS in his hands had suddenly weakened him.
“My precious... give me back my precious!” The boy demanded.
“No!” The girl growled.
The boy paused for a moment, and then he bopped her on the head. As she winced and grabbed her head he snatched the DS away from her and resumed his in-game conversation with Lotta Hart. The girl began to shake, kicked him in the shin, and stole back the game once more! This time she stuffed it in her pocket and growled at him.
“Gah! Don't steal my stuff!” The boy protested.
“As soon as this curse is broken and I'M the hero again, I'm kicking your ass!” Kimi replied grumpily.
Sama scratched his neck and sweat dropped. “Aww, come on Kimi-chan! I'm just playing.”
“Hate to interrupt,” Phazon cleared his throat. “But you DO realize that if this trial doesn't end with a 'not guilty' by midnight, a evil magical gnome will kill me, attain invincibility and go on a non-stop rampage of death and destruction the likes of which the world has never before known?”
Sama and Kimi both sweat dropped.
“Sorry, I'm not used to wearing blue.” Sama coughed weakly. “Anyway, don't worry about it! We have a whole TWO HOURS to do what usually takes three days... which sounds bad, I know, but I've been playing Phoenix Wright non-stop for four days. Seriously, I haven't eaten or slept. . . I can win this case easy!”
“Well, it was nice living while it lasted.” Kimi sighed.
“... How did I get into this mess?” Phazon wondered quietly, rubbing his now-hurting head.
Those famous words are always followed by a flashback, and the same is true of this moment.
~Flashback~
Phazon's Pad
Living Room
8:23 AM
It was Phazon's birthday, and that meant a party. Of course, he wasn't sure enough time had elapsed between the last time he tried to kill them and when he turned over a new leaf, so instead of trying to get the Flan-I involved, he decided to just keep his birthday a small occasion. Sitting on his couch, Phazon looked over to his companions. His apprentice, TS the Flan-I sat on the other side of the table while the Al Bhed girl, Rikku, who had helped him out before was frantically searching the kitchen for something.
“... Ahh, where is it?”
“Do you have any idea what she's looking for?” TS asked, scratching his head.
“No . . . but there's balloons and party hats, so I have a guess.” Phazon replied.
Finally the blond with the swirling green eyes stepped out of the kitchen and shrugged. “Ah... I think I forgot to buy a cake.”
Phazon shrugged. “Ah, we don't need one--”
“NO CAKE!?” TS looked like he might pass out. “B-B-But we have to have a cake!”
Rikku scratched her head. “Hmm... I know, you should go buy one!”
It took a moment for Phazon to realize she was pointing at him. “W-What? Me? But it's my birthday!”
“Okay then... let me borrow your wallet and I'll go buy one.” Rikku smiled a sly smile.
“Fine, I'm going, I'm going...” Phazon muttered, knowing full well that Rikku was trained as a thief and that meant his wallet was something she could not be trusted with.
Teh Bakery
8:52 AM
Teh Bakery, a favorite spot of Teh City's superhero, was a quaint little shop that always smells wonderful. The line stretches around the sides of the display cases, letting customers eye-shop while waiting to get to the cash register and order. Phazon was looking through the glass cases, looking for a suitable cake when the ding-ding of the bell above the front door sounded. He turned around to see HA the Flan-I taking a spot in line behind him; a incredibly short man with a bushy white beard and a long red hat in a cage he was holding.
“Oi! Didn't expect to run into you here!” HA laughed.
“Yeah, have to buy a cake.” Phazon nodded.
“Oh... well, careful, I saw Kimi and Sama a few blocks away from here and if you run into her it's goodbye to your cake; and any fingers you can't move out of the way quick enough.”
Phazon did not seem to catch the humor of his words, because his senses – which for obvious reasons were very in-tune with the dark side – had picked up on the caged man. HA seemed to notice and quickly explained.
“It's a Birthday Gnome.” HA nodded proudly. “I bought it from those guys selling all of Sauron's old things.”
“Birthday Gnome?” Phazon raised an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah! They're great! Immense magical powers – practically Beyonder-level universal bending stuff; but they've got more restrictions on 'em than a Genie.” HA grinned, clearly pleased with his purchase.
“Why is it called a 'Birthday Gnome'?” Phazon found the choice of name odd.
“Oh, 'cause if you run across one on your birthday, it'll get a twinkle in it's eye, snap it's fingers and mess with your whole universe. It'll put you in a dangerous situation, and you have till midnight to escape . . . if you don't; BOOM! It eats your stomach and become invincible. Then it goes on a murderous rampage, leaving behind death, darkness and despair the likes of which none can imagine in it's wake. Luckily it can only do that if you see one on your birthday, so they're pretty safe as pets most of the year.”
Phazon yelped. “C-Can it tell it's your birthday just by looking at you?”
“I sure can, bub!” The Birthday Gnome sat up in the cage and flashed a toothy grin full of fangs at Phazon. “Invincibility, here I come!”
The last thing he remembered hearing was the snapping of the Gnome's fingers.
Teh City Park
Statue of Ace
9:02 AM
'Uhh... my head... it hurts so much... and my eyes are blurry... and that ringing, is that my ears...?'
The formerly-Darth Phazon woke up with his gloved hand clutched to his head. At first, his vision was a total mess; but it quickly returned to normal. He looked up to see the giant bronze statue of Ace Ventura that sat in the southern end of Teh Park. He noticed almost immediately the strange red stains on the statue. Then he heard the ringing again and realized it had not been his ears; it was a cell phone!
Looking down, he found a cell phone on the ground . . . it was in a hand. That hand was connected to a wrist, which was connected to a arm, which (bad-song-pun-skipped) was connected to a dead body. Phazon jumped up and realized he had been lying on the ground close to a dead person . . . and what's worse, he was covered in the poor fellow's blood!
“... This won't end well.” Phazon groaned.
“FREEZE! Don't move! Hands on your head!”
“If I can't move, how do I get my hands on my head?”
K & Co. Law Offices
Sama's Desk
9:19 AM
“AHHHHH! THIS IS HORRIBLE! TRAGIC! AWFUL, EVEN!”
“I know! The whole universe just got turned upside down and suddenly I'm wearing these weird clothes!”
“What? No! My DS! I ran out of charge! WHY!?”
The sound of a teenage superhero kicking her sidekick in the head is usually a lot louder, and followed by a loud crash. In this case, Sama only doubled over in pain – he did not go flying into a wall.
“Bah! My powers are gone!”
“I fink yew bwoke fy bose.”
Kimi and Sama had suddenly found themselves in a law office instead of a giant tower shaped like the tenth letter of the alphabet. Sama had not noticed because he had his nose buried in the screens of his DS; Kimi on the other hand was a bit perplexed.
“Hey Kimi, did you redecorate?” Sama blinked, looking around the law office.
“Do I ever do any work?” Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“... Good point... and I know I didn't... Zim would have broke stuff, and Joha would have made me do it... so... who did it?” Sama blinked.
The door was flung open at that moment as another two people ran into the room. The first was TS whom they had briefly met when Pepsi threatened the world; and the second was Rikku, who had been there, but had not talked with Kimi or Sama on that occasion.
“Hey! You're the lawyer, right?” TS asked as he tried to catch his breath; apparently they had ran all the way to the Law Office. Kimi blinked and looked even more confused.
“Lawyer? Who? I'm a superhero . . . even if right now I'm dressed like a hippie . . .” Kimi scratched her head, confounded by the whole situation.
“Well, we were told a great lawyer works here and we need some hel-- Sama!” Rikku paused mid-sentence.
“Eh? ... Do I know you...?” Sama blinked; and for the second time that day he was kicked in the face.
“It's me, Rikku! We met when you were staying in Bikanel.”
“Ooooh!” Sama nodded. “Yeah, I remember you!” His face suddenly took on a irritated expression. “Cid blamed me for stealing that Gil and sent a crazy robot spider to hunt me down – and then it turned out YOU were the thief all along!”
Rikku coughed. “Oh... you remember that too, huh?”
Sama scratched the back of his head. “Yeah . . . but, then again, I did steal a sphere or two, so I guess I wasn't exactly innocent...”
“Hey!” TS called, tapping his foot impatiently. “We haven't got time for all this . . . we have to clear Phazon's name!”
“Oh! Right!” Rikku nodded, clapping her hands together.
“What happened?” Kimi raised a eyebrow.
“Well, when we found him, he was in the Detention Center.” TS explained. “Apparently they think he killed someone.”
“Which he didn't!” Rikku added loudly as she saw Kimi open her mouth. It seemed that the Al Bhed girl knew what the question would be.
“And you came here . . . because you thought we were lawyers?” Sama blinked
“You ARE lawyers.” A loud voice said from behind. Quickly the four people in the room spun around wildly, looking for any sight they could find. Instead of a person, they found a familiar snake-sized leech curled on the floor.
“AHH! SHANNON!” Sama quickly jumped behind his desk and began to shake. The anaconda-like leech seemed to have taken a fancy to him... or at least the taste of his head.
“Relax. It's just me.” The leech announced, and it was then that Kimi recognized the voice.
“HA!?” Kimi gasped, her jaw dropping. Sama poked his head up cautiously and peered out at the leech. TS blinked, he was confused about the whole situation already, and this was not helping. Rikku raised a eyebrow and shot a silent glance at Kimi as if asking whether or not this was for real.
“Listen up kiddos! We're caught in a Birthday Clock.” HA said dramatically, but no one else seemed to understand the gravity of his words. He sweat dropped and shook his head. “Long story short, a Birthday Gnome screwed up our universe. You got turned into a lawyer, and you became a Spirit Medium. You've got to get Phazon found 'Not Guilty' by Midnight... or else the Birthday Gnome will kill him and gain invincibility. Then... well, shows over. For good.”
Sama gulped. Kimi blinked.
“So... it turned you into a helpful leech?” Kimi blinked.
“Yeah... heh, the gnome didn't like me much...” HA coughed. “I guess 'cause I threatened to feed him to Shannon if he got me mad...”
“Hold on!” TS interrupted. “You mean we're all doomed if we don't win Phazon's trial?”
“That's exactly what I mean!” HA replied with a sigh. “We've only got a matter of hours until the trial, so we better get ready.”
“OR,” Kimi interrupted. “We could find this Gnome and hurt him. That usually works whenever the whole universe is about to be destroyed.”
“She has a point.” TS nodded.
“Unfortunately, even if we killed the Gnome, if Phazon loses that trial he'll still come back to life and become invincible.” HA sighed. “Those Birthday Gnomes are pesky little devils. Still... if we capture him, it could make things easier in the long run.”
“What do you mean?” Sama asked with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew the answer would not be good news.
“The Gnome is going to do whatever it can to make sure we lose. It can't just up and kill Phazon; it's like a game to the gnome, and the rules have to be followed.” HA explained. “Bottom line: Only way we'll get out of this mess is to get Phazon found not guilty.”
“And we are sure he's not guilty, right?” Kimi asked skeptically.
“Hey! I know he tried to kill you guys before and everything... but he's changed! He only became evil because of Soda! He wouldn't kill anyone.” Rikku nodded.
“Alright... then I'll take the case!” Sama said, banging his right fist into his left hand. Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“You? What kind of experience could YOU have as a lawyer.”
“I've been addicted to Phoenix Wright for days and I watch a lot of Boston Legal.” Sama replied at once.
Kimi slapped her head.
Teh City Park
Statue of Ace
9:45 AM
“Hmm... So this is the crime scene.” Sama nodded, rubbing his chin. The group of four had arrived at the crime scene and were now looking for clues as to what could have happened. Kimi shook her head.
“We're superheroes, not detectives. How are we supposed to solve this?” Kimi scratched her head.
“Easy! We just point and click! Information will be displayed about anything we click on.” Sama nodded.
“... Maybe hiring a lawyer whose only experience is a video game was a bad idea.” TS coughed.
“Hey! I get experience from TV too!” Sama shot back.
Rikku shrugged. “I guess the gnome decided to do things this way so we wouldn't have much of a chance.”
Sama made a whimpering sound. “Doesn't anybody here have some faith in my abilities to win a trial?”
“Not a chance, pal!”
It was better than a cricket chirping – at least that was what the sidekick-turned-attorney thought when he heard the voice. Kimi was the first to turn to the speaker and the first to groan.
“Coojie! You look ridiculous in that outfit.”
Darth Rowen was a long-time enemy of the crime fighting duo and their allies. Usually he walked around dressed in black ninja clothes and a red cape. Today, however, he was wearing a over-sized trench coat and a fedora hat. He raised an eyebrow.
“Speaking of looking ridiculous...” Rowen replied with a smug little smirk. Kimi clenched her fists and looked as if she'd run over and punch him, but perhaps out of fear of tripping over the spirit medium's robes she was wearing, she stayed put.
“Wait... you're Gumshoe? That Gnome made a villain become the cop!?” Sama crossed his arms. “Just great.”
“Gnome? Pfft, don't know what you mean. While being a cop is the exact opposite of being a super villain, if it means we're still on opposite sides I guess I just learned to like my new job.” Rowen grinned.
“Soon as we fix the universe, we have to hurt him for this.” Kimi grumbled.
Rowen then laughed a bit. “Well losers, I'd love to stay and fight, but I think I'd rather crush you in court. Heh... getting to embarrass you both in front of a crowded audience... Now that's something I could get used to.”
“Of course, if you do win we all die.” Rikku pointed out.
Darth Rowen paused. “... Naw... I'm sure whatever happened to the universe was for the side of evil. Crushing you guys tonight in court will mean when the universe is fixed, CHoW and I will rule the world... or something.” He did seem a bit confused by the whole situation, but he shrugged and ran off.
“Well that could have gone worse.” TS said optimistically.
Sama laughed in a nervous way. Instantly three pairs of eyes were staring at him with annoyed glared. “I-It's just... in the game... Gumshoe... that's who Rowen is emulating... is suppose to provide helpful information... and since he didn't...”
“HEY! Don't you dare say you can't win!” Rikku jabbed a finger against his chest. “Even if that Gnome is doing everything he can to screw this up, we can still win this trial!”
“No, you can't. At least, not without me!”
Another surprise voice from the side (as seems to happen a lot, I notice) and once more heads spun around. (I hope nobody hurts their neck doing that so much...)
A cocoa-haired girl stood before them, dressed in a ordinary high school uniform... with rubber gloves, a lab coat and large pink sunglasses over top of it. “Name's Ema Skye, Scientific Investigator! If you really want to solve this case, I can help.”
“Can you help us?” TS asked with a cautious and hoping smile.
“Sure can!” Ema nodded, adjusting her glasses. “Here, have some luminol! Spray it everywhere and watch the clues appear!”
Handing a large bottle to Sama, Ema had no idea the trouble she was about to cause. Sama grinned from ear to ear and started spraying luminol everywhere he could see: The statue, the ground, even in other people's faces.
“Pah! STOP THAT!” Kimi quickly took the bottle from her sidekick after he had drenched the entire area in the florescent spray. Sama crossed his arms, but Kimi refused to return the bottle, instead handing it over to Ema. The teenage CSI, however, was not paying much attention. Her pink sunglasses allowed her to view the results of the spray, and what she saw was . . . surprising.
“Oh wow... This is a huge clue!” Ema nodded.
“Excellent! Then we'd better head to the Detention Center and meet with Phazon.” Sama announced.
From the top of the statues' head, a tiny pair of eyes flashed dangerously below. The Birthday Gnome was not pleased.
Detention Center
Visitor's Room
10:00 AM
“... Wow.”
The situation had been explained in full to Phazon by TS, who was but one of the five people sitting on the other side of a glass wall from him. Kimi, Sama, Rikku, TS and Ema had piled into the small visitor's area to speak with him. Right now, though, things did not look very good for anyone.
“So you said Rowen was the detective?” Phazon asked, making sure he understood everything.
“Yeah, it was Coojie alright. Though he seemed less bent on killing us for a change.” Kimi nodded.
Sama added: “Probably because he didn't have any powers either.”
Phazon was not as amused, though. “Then... the Prosecutor at trial...”
Sama nodded. “Yeah! I've been going crazy trying to figure out who it could be! I mean, if I'm emulating Phoenix, then the Prosecutor must be standing in for Edgeworth... that would mean they'd have to be my rival, but also someone a lot like me who did my job previous to me but now does the exact opposite... I just can't imagine who that could be.”
Kimi blinked and looked over to him. “PLEASE tell me that was sarcasm.”
Sama gulped. “Uhh... of course it was! I-I know, but, uh, just in case anyone else hasn't figured it out, maybe you should say it. T-That way I'll know if you're right and can tell you so.”
Kimi ignored him. Ema leaned in to the glass and held up a photograph. “Don't worry, this is a picture of the luminol we sprayed... see that clue?”
Phazon's jaw dropped. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yes!” Ema nodded excitedly.
“And that would mean...” Phazon trailed off.
Ema grinned. “Exactly! We'll win for sure with this evidence!”
TS, however, seemed uneasy about the whole thing. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair for a moment until he finally stood up and said what was on his mind. “It's a little too easy, don't you think? That Gnome will do something to mess with us in court.”
“Naw! HA said he'd figure out a way to fight back, remember?” Sama reminded him with optimism in his voice.
“I hope so...” Phazon replied. “Because we're running out of time.”
“... actually it's only 10:04.” Rikku announced as she looked at the clock.
Phazon paused. “Oh.” He sat in silence for a moment and then shrugged. “That seems slightly less dramatic.”
“Don't worry!” Sama said cheerfully. “We have a lot of leftover time now, but the trial we only get two hours for – and we have to do what should take days! It'll be next-to-impossible!”
Behind his sunglasses, Phazon's eye twitched from annoyance. “That makes me feel so much better.”
The guard who stood behind the glass with Phazon walked over to the window. “Visiting hours are over.” He said in a matter-of-fact voice. He grabbed Phazon by the arm and stood him up roughly. “Come on, bub.”
The guard had led him out the door and halfway down the hall before Phazon realized something was wrong. Something bothered him about the abrupt end to his conversation, and while he had quickly realized what it was, he had not had a chance to do anything about it until this very moment.
Halfway down the hall there was a door on the left. Phazon hurled himself against the guard, knocking him into the door. The impact of the two of them crashing into it was enough to send it sprawling open. Phazon toppled onto the floor, but despite him being between the Flan-I and the door, the guard had not crashed to the floor.
Instead, he was standing on the desk in the door, crouching down on all fours.
“I see you figured it out, eh, bub?” The guard grinned a toothy smile.
“You're the Gnome.” Phazon narrowed his eyes, though with the sunglasses it was hard to tell. “Trying to stop me from surviving this trial.”
“Hoho! Haha! Hehe! You're right, bub!” The Gnome growled, turning back into his true form. He flashed his fangs once more and crossed his arms proudly. “And you can't win, no no no! I stacked the deck in my favor! I'm going to be the winner and you're going to be the loser: That's just how it is!”
Phazon was a good guy now, but an old dog never forgets his tricks. He reached into his right boot and took out a small object that looked like a chap stick. However, it was smooth and made of metal, with a small button on the side. The Gnome jumped forward but Phazon pressed that button and tossed the 'chap stick' right at him. Just as the Gnome came within a inch of the stick, it exploded leaving a cloud of purple dust.
“GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRAGGGGGGGGH!” The Gnome bellowed out in pain, fell on the floor and began to roll around on his back. His tiny hands, which looked more like claws now, were covering his face. The white beard seemed to be wild and tattered and his red triangle hat was slouching. Phazon kicked the Gnome across the room like a soccer ball and then bolted out the door.
Unfortunately...
“FREEZE!” He found himself face to face with Rowen, who was stilled dressed like a typical movie detective. With a revolver pointed at his chest and no Flan-I powers to protect him, Phazon knew he could not escape. From behind Rowen, he heard hands clapping.
“Well, well, well... the once 'Dark Lord' has been reduced to a mere puppet.” A man stood behind Rowen and he wore a red suit with a frilly lace puff coming out of the front and the sleeves. His face probably had a smirk running across his lips, but it was impossible to tell with the black helmet covering it.
“You're wearing a frilly, lace suit and that ridiculous helmet and you're going to mock me?” Phazon raised a brow. “I think that speaks for itself.”
CHoW took a Edgeworth-style bow. “Laugh if you want to, but you won't win the day. I'm not sure what happened to cause all of this, but I do know one thing: Getting you found 'Guilty' means beating Kimi and Sama – and that's motivation enough for me!”
For a brief moment, Phazon thought about explaining about the Birthday Gnome and the impending destruction of the known universe. Yet, he knew by now the Gnome had vanished from the side room they had fought in and he had no proof. He also knew that CHoW wouldn't believe him, thinking it was part of some escape attempt.
With no other choice, Phazon surrendered.
Teh City District Court
Defense Lobby
9:58 PM
“Hey, out of curiosity, what did you guys do all day after you left the detention center?” Phazon asked, looking over to the other people who had packed themselves into the Defense Lobby.
“We went to a buffet.” Kimi nodded. “All you can eat, which without my superpowers wasn't as much as normal. Then we hit the comic book store, and then we went to a Go-Kart place.”
Phazon felt like he might cry. Instead he muttered something under his breath and sat down on the small crimson colored couch. Looking back up to the crime fighters, scientific investigator, professional thief and his own Flan-I apprentice standing around him, he did feel a bit better. While it was irritating to learn that, with his life and the fate of the universe on the line they had been goofing off, he still felt oddly calm. Perhaps it was because he had seen Kimi and Sama manage to do the impossible on several occasions in the past.
“Alright, time for court.” The Bailiff had just walked over to the group. For a second, Phazon was hesitate, remembering the incident from earlier. However, the bailiff quickly walked away and dispelled the notion that he was actually a evil beyonder-level gnome. Turning once more to the superhero duo, Phazon scratched his neck.
“I hope you came up with a plan while riding those Go-Karts.”
Sama nodded. “Relax... we got this one in the bag. No problem!”
Teh City District Court
Courtroom No. 4
10:00 PM
The Courtroom was a small, uncomfortable place. To the right side of the room was a wooden table where the prosecutor stood; CHoW was behind it and while he looked out of place without a cape, Hawaiian shirt and wearing red, he seemed to be perfectly happy. On the left, at a matching table, stood Sama with Kimi right beside him.
Phazon was seated elsewhere, while TS, Rikku and Ema had gathered in the audience. Also in the audience were two hooded strangers, and in the seat beside them the giant serpent-sized leech that HA had been transformed into was curled up, but actively watching.
“Is the prosecution ready?” In the middle of the room, just in front of the witness stand, was a giant podium. At the top sat the judge; in this case it was Spoony.
“We are, your honor.” CHoW grinned, shooting a glance to Rowen in the stands. They clearly had something planned.
“What about the defense?” Judge Spoon asked as he turned to face Sama.
Sama scratched his head. “Not really... oww! I mean, yeah, yeah we are.” After being elbowed in the side by Kimi he remembered they had only two hours to conduct the trial, lest the world should come to an end.
“Very well.” Spoony said seriously as he turned his sights back to Prosecutor CHoW. “You may call your first witness.”
Phazon looked directly at the Prosecutor's Bench and he saw something that unnerved him. Right behind CHoW sat Rowen, and there was a devilish little smirk on his face. That meant trouble. Phazon had a feeling that, even if they did not know it, the two of them were helping the Gnome. He knew that if he was to have any luck what-so-ever in getting acquitted, stopping the evil Birthday Gnome and restoring the universe to the way it should be it would mean stopping whatever CHoW and Rowen had planned.
“The Prosecution calls Detective Rowen.” CHoW said matter-of-factly. Phazon leaned forward, feeling uneasy about what was going to happen next. He had no idea what – if anything – the others had discovered before they went to the buffet. Still, that gnome was somewhere around here.
Rowen slowly approached the stand in the middle of the room and stood behind the podium. He grinned and shot a glance over to Kimi and Sama. Then he looked to Phazon. Clearly Rowen felt no remorse for using him as a pawn to defeat the heroes. The 'detective' smirked and then cast one final glance at CHoW. CHoW nodded once and then he began to speak.
“Detective, state your name and occupation for the record.” CHoW asked as he crossed his arms.
“Rowen. I'm a detective.” Rowen replied, showing the amusement he felt for the whole situation on his face.
“Shouldn't your occupation be 'crazy ninja psychopath'?” Sama asked.
“The witness has no idea what you're talking about. He's one of the good guys.” It was hard to keep a straight face saying that; but CHoW wears a helmet and that helps a lot.
The gavel of the judge slammed into his podium. “Overruled. I'm afraid I have to penalize you, Mr. Sama.” Spoony hopped off the bench, walked across the room and slapped Sama in the face with the wooden hammer. Sama 'meeped' and jumped back, but the judge was done with the punishment and returned to his seat.
“Wow... they actually hurt you in this court.” Kimi glanced to her sidekick who was, naturally, at her side. “I'm starting to be glad you're taking the led on this adventure.”
“Gee, thanks.” Sama muttered as he rubbed his aching face.
“Detective, you may continue your testimony.” CHoW said, and Phazon could have sworn he heard a snicker from under his breath. He slumped back in his chair, suddenly much more worried about this trial than he had been before.
– Witness Testimony -
I arrived at Teh City Park at a little after nine this morning.
There I found the victim... dead and covered in blood!
The statue of Ventura was also blood-stained... as was the defendant's hands and clothes!
I arrested him right away, without so much as a single question.
“Hmm... that does sound like some incriminating evidence if I ever heard it.” Judge Spoon concluded, nodding. “Alright, you may cross-examine the witness now.”
– Cross Examination -
Phazon was worried... this sounded very bad, and he couldn't find a single hole in Rowen's testimony. Of course, that was because CHoW was doing everything in his power to win. Phazon's fate held no concern to CHoW . . . defeating Kimi and Sama was his only goal. Still, it sounded like Sama had found something at the crime scene... he just hoped it would be enough; or else a gnome was going to feast on his stomach and become invincible!
“Witness! I have a question!” Sama announced, stating the obvious in a overly-dramatic way. “Do you recognize THIS picture?”
Kimi responded by holding up a photograph for Rowen to see. Rowen blinked and nodded, letting out a small laugh.
“Of course! That's the blood on the statue at the scene of the crime.” Rowen's matter-of-fact tone impressed the judge and the audience. With the exception of the two hooded figures next to HA.
“WRONG! Hahahah!” Sama grinned. “Your Honor, this picture was taken AFTER we sprayed the blood – with Luminol!” Sama roared in triumph.
His cries fell on deaf ears, neither Spoony, CHoW or even Rowen seemed to understand how that changed anything at all. Sama sweat dropped and coughed. Kimi shook her head and shot a look at Phazon over in his chair... he at least seemed to have understood and his jaw had dropped.
“... Err... Mr. Rice... what does the blood stain have to do with anything?” Spoony asked, looking a bit peeved.
“Simple... we sprayed the 'blood' with Luminol... and it didn't glow! Ergo: It is not a blood stain!” Sama's voice became dramatic and he pointed a finger in the direction of CHoW.
CHoW grabbed at his heart, Rowen gasped and sputtered and Judge Spoon banged his gavel several times to quiet down the noise in the courtroom.
“Order! Order! Order!” Judge Spoon banged his gavel like crazy. He then looked over at the Prosecutor's table and glared. “Prosecutor CHoW, do you have anything to say about this shocking turn of events?”
CHoW looked flustered. Even with his face hidden, that was clear. He was sweating and fidgeting in his seat. However, a moment later a look of understanding crossed his face. Sama noticed that Professor AGOI had just arrived behind him, leaned forward and whispered something to him.
“Looks like the Professor is the Prosecution's Scientific Investigator.” Kimi crossed her arms.
Sama shrugged. “That makes sense... but it still can't be good for us.”
“Your Honor... I have two rebuttals to that. First of all: If that substance isn't blood, then what is it?” CHoW crossed his arms.
“Cherry Coke.” Sama replied, also crossing his arms.
“A-Are you mad?” CHoW replied, and from the metallic clunk that was sounded it was clear his jaw had dropped.
“Nope. I tested it.” Sama said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“... How?” CHoW asked, in a almost afraid tone.
Sama raised a eyebrow. “I tasted it.”
There was a hushed pause. Even Kimi raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You licked a statue... that you thought was covered in blood?”
“No, no! I licked it AFTER we sprayed the luminol and knew it wasn't blood.” Sama replied.
Kimi scratched her head. “So... you licked those chemicals... and a dirty statue... and old cherry coke?”
CHoW sputtered. “You sick wombat!”
Sama blinked. “Wombat? Where did that come from?”
“Well... Uhh... Wombat... and... YOU LICKED A STATUE!” CHoW growled. Sama objected to that, CHoW objected right back; Sama blasted back with another, then CHoW objected once more. This continued on for quite a while, until, at long last . . .
Judge Spoon had objected. “That's just... let's move on, okay.”
The Professor whispered something else to the Prosecutor from behind the podium and CHoW, remembering his earlier words, regained his composure. He fixed his shirt collar and then said, in a calm, clear voice: “So what?”
Phazon blinked and turned around to look at TS, Rikku and Ema. All three of them returned puzzled expressions and shrugged. When Phazon returned his gaze to CHoW the explanation continued.
“So the stain on the statue was not blood... did you test the stain on the victim, or on the defendant's clothing?” CHoW asked. The moment the question was asked, Sama felt like someone had kicked him in the throat. Phazon groaned and slumped back in his chair. He should have known that this was too good to be true.
Sama quickly turned to Kimi. “I don't suppose you could channel the spirit of our victim, could you?”
Kimi paused and closed her eyes... but after a moment, she sighed and said, with a shake of her head: “I think right now all I'm channeling is a losing vibe.”
The “lawyer” groaned. From his seat, so did his client. Phazon saw a opening to strike, and if the trial had been their only problem then maybe he'd have a chance. However, as his eyes glanced at the clock he gasped.
11:50. Apparently, Sama and CHoW had spent so long objecting to one another in the beginning that they had wasted a great deal of time.
“Ack... Oh... OH!” Kimi yelled loudly, suddenly becoming the focus of attention. She threw the back of her hand against her forehead. “I'm channeling the spirit! Of the victim! Uhh... he says, that he wasn't murdered... he tripped and fell... spilling his cherry coke on a statue! Yeah!”
Spoony gasped. “Wow...”
“WAIT! Aren't you supposed to go all trance-like... and isn't your appearance supposed to change!?” CHoW demanded, pointing his gloved finger at Kimi. She stuck her tongue out at him, knowing that the judge had missed his argument completely.
“Seeing as how the victim's death was an accident and no fault of Phazon's... this court rules that he is --” Spoony was about to make it official, sealing the Birthday Gnome's fate and saving Phazon from what could have been his last few moments of life. Unfortunately, things are never quite that simple.
“NOT SO FAST!” All at once a small lawn gnome appeared on the witness stand. Rowen yelped and jumped back as the gnome snatched the hat off his head and revealed pointed fangs, claws and a horribly wrinkled face. “You're lying! You can't channel the victim: Because I was the victim! It was all a set up!” The Birthday Gnome roared.
Kimi crossed her arms. “So you admit there was no murder?”
“Of course there was no murder!”
“And you admit you're trying to eat Phazon's stomach and become invincible so you can unleash a never-ending spree of violence and chaos unto our world?” She asked once more.
“Yes, yes! I'm all about chaos and – oh butter biscuits.” The Gnome seemed to realized what had just happened.
“'Oh Butter Biscuits'? That's got to be the dumbest thing I ever heard. Who would say some stupid line like that just because something bad happened to them?” Sama asked, raising an eyebrow. Kimi decided not to point out the obvious.
Spoony cleared his throat and raised his gavel. “Well, given this was all a ploy to annihilate all mankind... Phazon, I find you... Not Guilty!”
There was great cheering from the crowd. Rikku jumped for joy, TS pumped his arms and Ema adjusted her glasses and (just for the heck of it) started spraying a bottle of luminol in the air.
CHoW grumbled and slumped into a chair behind the Prosecutor's Podium. “My perfect record... ruined!”
“Uhh... this was your first case.” Rowen reminded him.
CHoW glared and said: “And until this case I had never had a case to lose, so my record was perfect!”
Kimi jumped up onto the podium and stood in a triumphal pose. Then she sighed and climbed back down next to Sama.
“What's wrong?” The sidekick, who was also beside himself with happiness, asked.
“I miss being able to float...” Kimi replied.
“Aww, no worries! I'm sure the universe will be back to normal any second! After all, we won, and it's not like the Gnome can cheat and still attack Phazon.”
Kimi, who knew that sentence was nothing but trouble waiting to happen, punched Sama in the arm preemptively.
“Fools! Foolish fools who foolish dream fools dreams of foolish foolery!” The Gnome roared (in keeping with the theme) and turned his sights on Phazon. “So my Birthday Clock was defeated – it's not midnight yet! I can still attack you and eat your stomach! I CAN STILL BE UNSTOPPABLE!”
Phazon sweat dropped. He knew that, until his birthday ended at 12:01 AM, neither he nor anyone else had their usual powers. The Gnome, on the other hand, could go toe-to-toe with Anti-Amelie on any given day. That Gnome charged at Phazon's seat – but Phazon jumped to the side right as the Gnome sunk his greed little claws into the wooden chair tore it to shreds.
Phazon ran across the courtroom and jumped up onto the Judge's Podium. Spoony fell backwards to make room as the Gnome launched himself at Phazon once more. Thinking fast, Phazon grabbed the judge's gavel and:
SMACK!
With a sound like thunder, the gavel broke against the Gnome's face. The Gnome cried out in pain as its nose was shattered and it fell several feet down to the floor. The Judge's Podium was high up for a human; for a small gnome it was even worse. Phazon jumped down and aimed to stomp on the Gnome, but he vanished away with a pop.
Phazon crashed into the ground and rolled to avoid any serious injury. Unfortunately, one still found him. Not the fall – the fangs! The Gnome had reappeared on his back and was biting his neck and scratching his shoulders. Phazon cried out, but threw himself backwards into the Judge's Podium; smashing the Gnome between his body and the extra-tall desk. The Gnome plopped down to the ground and Phazon ran back to the Defendant's Chair.
“Anybody have a weapon?” He asked, but TS' Flansaber had disappeared earlier, Rikku had left her Cat's Claws back at Phazon's Pad and all Ema had to offer was:
“Luminol?” Phazon blinked as she shoved the bottle into his arms. “I'm not sure this will--”
“That stuff stings if it gets in your eyes!” Ema noted. “It says so on the label.”
The Gnome roared as it regained its composure and jumped from the floor. It charged at Phazon's recklessly, flailing its claws about as it ran. With nothing to lose but his life and the future of the universe, he aimed the bottle of Luminol, adjusted the nozzle from “spray” to “stream” and let loose with a blast of the chemical.
The luminol hit the Birthday Gnome right in his face and the Gnome yelped, falling backwards. A cloud of white steam was billowing off his face and he was moaning and yelping. Phazon aimed for a second shot after seeing the powerful effect, but the Gnome got up and ran for the door.
However, before it could get there the two hooded figures who had sat with HA for the trial leaped into action; slamming shut the giant doors so quickly that the half-blinded-by-luminol gnome could not stop. The Gnome crashed into the doors, rolled backwards and was an easy target for a second spray of Luminol.
With a loud fizz and a screeching hiss, as white smoke engulfed his body, the gnome roared one last time and vanished. Phazon panted a bit and looked up to the two hooded figures; who by now had removed their hoods and revealed themselves as none other than the original hooded and mystery Flan-I, Crystal Rose and her first student and best friend Tazzy Benobi.
“Come on, you knew we'd show up.” Crystal grinned, almost as if talking to some audience that was watching this whole event unfold.
“Even if this time we only get a small part.” Tazzy coughed, almost as if tormenting the author and his inability to fit everyone into a major role in every story.
“Hang on...” Kimi blinked and then a small but intimidatingly devious smile crossed her lips. “If the Gnome is defeated, then...”
“That means...” Sama caught on and grinned.
The two jumped into the middle of the courtroom and, like comic relief villains, they threw off the disguises they had been wearing the whole time and somehow had their usual crime fighting clothes on underneath.
“Prepare for trouble.” Kimi glared.
“Make it double.” Sama grinned.
“Oh no... now they're doing this?” CHoW sighed.
“To protect the world from freaky foodstuff!”
“To kick your asses really rough!”
“Super Kimi!”
“Wonder Sama!”
“Should we run?” Rowen asked.
“Yes, yes we should.” CHoW replied.
“Superheroes blast off at the speed of light!”
“And now here's the part where we win the fight!”
Since Rowen and CHoW were still in the disguises the Gnome's magic had given them, they had no Flansabers to draw. They didn't have time to try to fix this, because Kimi shot forward and in a matter of seconds there was a large dust cloud and many cries of pain from inside it. Sama started to run forward to join in, but he was stopped.
“Hold on! Um... I just wanted to say, thanks... and... I guess you're not as goofy as you were when you stayed at Bikanel.” Rikku admitted.
“Yeah, well, it's amazing what being bludgeoned with magic chopsticks can do for you.” Sama replied.
“Well, you did save Phazon... so I guess we were right not to fire you and hire Alan Shore when we had the chance.” Rikku nodded, remembering back to the encounter at the Go-Kart Place that had resulted in Denny Crane shooting a Go-Kart. Then she hugged him.
“Heh... Rowen and CHoW are getting thrashed, and I even got a hug from a pretty girl! I don't see any possible way this could turn into a bad thing!” Sama grinned, proving that, even by now, he had not learned his lesson about making statements like that.
When Sama heard the voice yell behind him, he turned around... and screamed.
“AHHH! VON KARMA! Not the old, freaky one, but the younger, much prettier but no less scary daughter!” Sama gulped.
“WRONG YOU IDIOT!” The person dressed as Von Karma growled.
“Oh... Blackfire... heh... who'd have thought that would be even worse?” Sama coughed.
CRACK! The whip flew right at it's mark: Sama's head.
“Aww, Potatoes...”
Meanwhile, Phazon was being unusually quiet for a moment of triumph. He saw the now-human-again HA running around with his cage, looking for the missing Birthday Gnome and it had him a bit worried. True, it was 12:07 now and his Birthday was over... but that did not reassure him. That Gnome was a powerful enemy, and there was always next year...
“Hey!” Ema yelled, snapping him into reality. “You used all my Luminol on that Gnome!” She jabbed a finger into his chest.
“Ah... sorry... but I was trying to save all humanity.” Phazon replied, though from the look on Ema's face he knew that did not mean much.
“Well... whatever! I'll just follow you around until you repay me for it!” Ema announced, proving she cared as much for a bottle of luminol as some girls did for bicycles that were mysteriously destroyed by electric mice.
Phazon sweat dropped. “I don't really know what to say to that.”
“Eh, one more ally! I'd say it's good.” TS chimed in.
“Darn it... we were used by some stupid magic Gnome AND we got beaten by Kimi.” CHoW sighed. He and Rowen were now slowly walking the dense, dark Foodstuffs Forest, the location of their Not-So-Secret Secret Lair. Rowen was trudging along behind him, trying to make the best of things.
“Well, at least we aren't in prison. Besides, you'll cheer up soon enough.” Rowen grinned sheepishly. CHoW froze.
“... You know about my birthday, I'd forgotten that.” CHoW groaned.
“Of course! And we're going to have a party, which will help take our minds off the intense pain of super hero punch wounds.”
CHoW shrugged. “Eh, good point. For once, we get the cake... yeah... now that you mention it, I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet birthday.”
As the two walked on towards LASOOF's HQ, a pair of tiny bloodshot eyes peered out from behind a bush. While his vision was not so good due to luminol burns, his hearing was perfect.
“A Birthday, huh, bub?”
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARK PHAZON
^_^ Hope you enjoyed it. I know you like Phoenix Wright so I figured you'd enjoy this.
I still have more birthday stories to go... I'm working on 'em. :3
Tazzy Porqupine - August 9, 2007 02:59 PM (GMT)
XD As usual, Sama, AWESOME. I don't play Pheonix Wright, but that did not stop the hilarity from ensuing. :D
HA becoming a leech... how did I NOT see that coming... XD
And because it's morning and I'm at a loss for words, I'll just fill this post with more XD faces:
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
HA becoming a leech... how did I NOT see that coming... XD
And because it's morning and I'm at a loss for words, I'll just fill this post with more XD faces:
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
Dark Phazon - August 9, 2007 04:35 PM (GMT)
You kinda stoleded my idea!!!!! Though I've had that sort of idea for ages and still was nowhere near starting it. :LOL:
Awesome story!! Soo funny all the time!! Awesomeness! And I need to get better at describing how much I like this!! I'll probobly comment better later, as right now the awesomeness and hilarity is kinda leaving me speechless.
Awesome story!! Soo funny all the time!! Awesomeness! And I need to get better at describing how much I like this!! I'll probobly comment better later, as right now the awesomeness and hilarity is kinda leaving me speechless.
Crystal Rose - August 9, 2007 05:25 PM (GMT)
LOL That was GREAT!!!
Seriously, I as laughing the entire time...And now i'll never look at those little plastic Gnomes the same again XD
Great job as usual Sama!!! :D I'm sure DP will love it!
Seriously, I as laughing the entire time...And now i'll never look at those little plastic Gnomes the same again XD
Great job as usual Sama!!! :D I'm sure DP will love it!
tailsonic15 - August 9, 2007 05:52 PM (GMT)
Briliant!!! That was very funny.
"YOU LICKED A STATUE!!!" XD
"YOU LICKED A STATUE!!!" XD
GoldenSama - August 9, 2007 08:55 PM (GMT)
Tazzy-chan: ^_^ Thank you! It's always nice to hear someone thought it was funny. :3 I'm happy that you enjoyed it, and no worries, smilies are as good as words... only more yellow. Or something. XD
Birffday Boy (From a while ago but still): XD You mean for a Phoenix Wright-ish story or a PW and SK&WS mixture? Either way, I figured someone would have that idea; but I wanted to write something I thought you'd like -- and I'm happy to see you do like it! ^^
Crystal-chan: ^_^ Yay! I like making people laugh.
You know what's weird? I actually found a lawn gnome in a box of old stuff as I was writing this. XD
TS-15: XD Thank you my friend! It's good to know that this was worth my staying up till 4am two days in a row. :3
To everyone: Thank you for reading!
To DP: I apologize that this is so amazingly late. ^^;
To BR: You're next, new Birffday Boy whose Birffday was days ago!
Birffday Boy (From a while ago but still): XD You mean for a Phoenix Wright-ish story or a PW and SK&WS mixture? Either way, I figured someone would have that idea; but I wanted to write something I thought you'd like -- and I'm happy to see you do like it! ^^
Crystal-chan: ^_^ Yay! I like making people laugh.
You know what's weird? I actually found a lawn gnome in a box of old stuff as I was writing this. XD
TS-15: XD Thank you my friend! It's good to know that this was worth my staying up till 4am two days in a row. :3
To everyone: Thank you for reading!
To DP: I apologize that this is so amazingly late. ^^;
To BR: You're next, new Birffday Boy whose Birffday was days ago!
AGodofIrony - August 9, 2007 09:41 PM (GMT)
Hilarious Sama! I can't wait to see the other Birthday Specials planned!
And uh oh...CHoW's B-Day, then Rowen's not to far after that...This won't end well!
And uh oh...CHoW's B-Day, then Rowen's not to far after that...This won't end well!
GoldenSama - August 10, 2007 11:43 PM (GMT)
Prof. AGOI: ^^ Thanks my friend! I'm glad you liked it and I'll work on the others as soon as I can. :3
Clown Prince of Crime - August 11, 2007 01:02 AM (GMT)
The End... or is it? Bwuahahahaha! Nice story there, GS! I dunno why, but somehow I figured I'd probably end up as the judge. XD
Cojo - August 11, 2007 01:16 AM (GMT)
Awesome Story as usual Gs!
And a Happy Birthday Dp! And you too Cpoc, I shall begin your presents tomorrow when I'm not all worn out.
Hey thats right, Spoony will be visited by the gnome as well.
And a Happy Birthday Dp! And you too Cpoc, I shall begin your presents tomorrow when I'm not all worn out.
Hey thats right, Spoony will be visited by the gnome as well.
GoldenSama - August 11, 2007 01:24 AM (GMT)
CPOC: ^^ Thank you my friend! Yes, you were guaranteed to be the judge. :p It's only natural, what with the mayor-like-powerful-person-thing.
Cojo: I'm glad you liked it! ^^ The Gnome has many targets coming in the future... pretty much anyone who just had a birthday... oh wait... >:3
Cojo: I'm glad you liked it! ^^ The Gnome has many targets coming in the future... pretty much anyone who just had a birthday... oh wait... >:3