Title: {II} Revenge: The Birthday Gnome 2
Description: Spoony's Birthday
Description: Spoony's Birthday
GoldenSama - November 7, 2007 11:26 AM (GMT)
Part III of the “Birthday Gnome Arc”
Part I (DP): http://srb.sonicrapidboard.com/index.php?showtopic=1187
Part II (BR): http://srb.sonicrapidboard.com/index.php?showtopic=1223&st=0
The Birthday Gnome's Revenge
Part II
“Alchemy, Advice and Silverware”
Or
“Happy Birthday Spoony!”
<Sama Says> I am too busy!!! Arragh! >_< Sorry for the super lateness. It's not 'cause you don't rock Spoony, because you do; I'm just swamped. ;_; Still, I hope you enjoy this. I'm sure you will. ^_~
<Last Time, On [SK&WS]…>
CHoW and Rowen returned to their roles as the main villains after an extensive gap, and with news toys supplied by the Birthday Gnome they set about blazing a trail of destruction. A TIE Fighter and a Giant Robot Snake transformed together to create LASOOF’s gravest danger to good in a long time.
Our heroes bravely battled the robots, and while LASOOF was defeated the damage to Teh City was severe enough to cause public unrest. In the commotion, Teh K Tower, home to Kimi, Sama, Joha, Zim and Gir was destroyed as well, once again making our heroes homeless.
Now, ambitious Military Colonel Roy Mustang has challenged Spoony in the elections for the position of Mayor. Meanwhile, a sinister threat lurks in Foodstuff Forest as CHoW, Rowen and the Birthday Gnome plot the next phase of their grand schemes . . .
“This is Emmy-Award winning journalist and part-time cab drive, Jon Colbert, bringing you the latest headlines.” A short, bespectacled man was in the center of the television screen talking into a microphone. He sat at a anchor's table and was reading from small cue cards in front of him.
Jon Colbert began reporting all the important news stories: “In Entertainment news, filming of ‘Badgers on a Boat 2: I’m Even More Tired Of These Freaking Badgers On This Freaking Boat’ has been postponed after director Barry Scone was attacked by angry Hufflepuff students who objected to badgers being portrayed as vicious killing machines. Apparently they tried to feed him to man-eating badgers.”
“And now for our top story: The election of the new Mayor of Teh City. The only candidates are Spoony, the founder of Teh City and long-time Mayor, and challenged, Colonel Roy Mustang, known skirt-chaser and pyromaniac.”
As Jon Colbert gave his report on television, four people sat in a dark laboratory watching in silence. In front of the giant television screen, in his leather swivel-chair sat a young man in a white lab coat and goggles, his hands pressed together in front of his face as if he was in deep thought.
From behind him, another young male with shaggy blond hair was the first to speak up. “Man, that’s depressing . . . I was looking forward to Badgers on a Boat 2.”
“We have bigger problems.” The Spork spun around in his chair to face the two clones he had created and his newest friend and fellow Custard-I, Avenger. “The Spoon’s election . . .”
“Yeah, maybe this is a dumb question, but . . . why do you even care?” Avenger raised an eyebrow. “I mean, he is your arch-rival, right? You should be glad he’s getting replaced.”
Professor AGOI dropped his hands back to the arm rests of his chair and leaned back. “Ordinarily . . . yes, I would be glad. This time, though . . . Something is going on. I don't know what CHoW is up to, but I get the feeling that if Mustang wins, we're all in trouble.”
“And you base this on...?” Avenger asked, quirking a eyebrow.
“My gut.” The Professor replied.
“Real scientific.” Avenger rolled his eyes.
Prof. AGOI shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his swivel chair and pressed his fingers together. “We need to find CHoW and Rowen... figure out what's really going on.”
The Professor was perhaps one of the most complex residents of Rapid Island. He was known to be both one of the fiercest villains, and yet one of the most helpful allies of Kimi and Sama at different times. Avenger crossed his arms and shrugged.
“Well, either way, what are you suggesting?” Avenger knew that the Professor had something in mind about the situation. He just didn’t know what.
Professor AGOI shrugged. “It's simple... we're going to the Foodstuff Forest, so we can break into LASOOF's Secret Base.”
Avenger paused for a moment, then he asked: “Do we get to fight hordes of random, pushover enemies and then maybe one or two actual tough ones for drama?” The Custard-I raised his brow at his question.
With a nod, the Professor confirmed his ever hope. Avenger clapped his hands together and laughed. “Well, alright then! I'm down for that!”
“WHY are you so nervous?” Mojohanna, the Guardian of the Master Flan and long-time friend of the Spoon was leaning nonchalantly against a wall with her arms folded across her chest. She seemed the most relaxed of the many people who crowded around Spoony's office.
Present in the room was the glasses-wearing Jeremy, Spoony's computer expert. The bikini-clad alien Lum who was known to randomly shock people with high voltage electricity. Her 'darling', and known bad-luck charm Ataru Moroboshi was present at her side. At his usual desk, Spoony was slumped down with his head in the palms of his hands and his elbows on the desk, looking depressed.
Sitting in front of him in two metal chairs was a teen in a green bandanna and her red-themed sidekick. Ordinarily Kimi would be spaced out, either reading a manga, snacking on whatever bagged lunch Sama had prepared or doodling on the back of one of Spoony's important documents. Her sidekick would normally have his feet on Spoony's desk and be drinking a soda with a goofy grin on his face.
Today, however, the heroes of Teh City were sitting straight up in their chairs, their hands folded in their laps and their attention fully on the Spoon. Clearly they'd broken out their rarely-seen 'best behavior' for the tense situation that was being blamed entirely on them.
“Why am I so so nervous?” Spoony looked up and groaned. “Everyone in Teh City is mad at Kimi and Sama! And everyone knows that not only did I hire them, they're also my friends... I'm guilty by association!” Spoony sighed.
“Relax!” Sama said optimistically. “It could always be worse!”
Naturally, Kimi smacked him on the back of the head. “There's ALWAYS cartoons on the TV at home, am I supposed to believe you've NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO THEM!? Never, ever say 'it could always be worse'!”
Sama whimpered and rubbed his head. There was a long pause in which time everyone looked around the room. Ataru peered out the window, Jeremy began googling 'problems heading our way' and Spoony shot a glare so fierce it threatened to engulf the room in flames.
However... after several tense minutes, nothing happened.
“... Huh. That's weird.” Joha blinked.
“See? You guys worry too much!” Sama grinned, once again relaxed. “I'm sure that by this time tomorrow, we'll all be having a big laugh about this!”
Kimi, the heroic defender of Teh City, was sitting on a couch with her head slumped over in her hand. The television was on, but she was hardly paying attention to it at all. Instead she was busy complaining to the older boy sitting next to her.
“It's not fair,” Kimi sighed. “I mean... sure, we destroyed a few buildings, and CHoW and 'wen got away... and everybody's pretty peeved at us... but, to lose our jobs – again – this really bites.”
...
Sama was looking just as unhappy. He was staring at the blank ceiling and pouting, letting his complaints fall on the ears of the super-powered teen beside him.
“At least everyone came together and voted for Spoony... even Joha, and we all know the idea of a shirtless Roy drove her crazy... but I guess we forgot about the hundreds of random residences of Teh City who aren't our little circle...” Sama scratched his head. “I can't believe the Spoon's out of a job too.”
...
“It's just not fair!” Kimi groaned and kicked the table in front of the couch out of anger, breaking it instantly in two. She blinked, blushed and sheepishly grinned to her companion. “Heh... sorry... I just get so mad when I think about what happened.”
The superhero grinned and scratched her neck, trying to ignore the angry glare she was now receiving and how much it reminded her of Spoony's vicious stare from before.
...
“Maybe we'll get our jobs back somehow.” Sama tried to stay optimistic as he sat his glass of Ice Tea down on the table in front of the couch. He shook his head and then turned back to his companion with a sad stare on his face.
“Well, if you're not on the crime-stoppers list anymore,” Blackfire smirked. “Then why not return to the supply side of crime, darling?” There was something evil in her voice, but that was nothing new.
...
“You just broke my table.” Miles away in Teh Town, David had less advice for his sister as he looked down at the broken shards of what had once been a coffee table.
Kimi shrugged. “Yeah, sorry about that... but can you blame me? I went from being a superhero in a her own tower to moving back to this nowhere town.” She crossed her arms. “There's got to be some way to get back in the hero business.”
“Tch... then quit complaining! Get out of my living room, go find the buffoon and figure something out! Or keep complaining and forget the buffoon – just get out of my living room.” It was late and David didn't want to deal with an adventure; Kimi, however, realized that she had to get her old job back.
So she quickly flew away, to find her sidekick.
“HEY! Next time use the door INSTEAD OF THE WALL!”
“So what are you going to do now?”
The sun was setting on the first day since Spoony's fall from office. The former leader of Teh City was now standing on the roof of an apartment building. That building was where Phazon lived, and right now Spoony was joined by his old friend as they watched the sun blaze with an orange huge.
“I have no idea.” Spoony shook his head in response. “I founded this city as a safe haven. A place where peace would flourish. Now an egomaniac like Mustang is in charge... I'm afraid of what will happen to my city now.”
Phazon pushed his sunglasses up the brim of his nose. “Hmm... and you're just going to give up?”
The Spoon let out a deep sigh. “The people chose Mustang.”
Spoony blinked and looked up. He was sitting on top of an air conditioner unit, while Phazon stood at his side and kept his eyes towards the fierce orange that consumed the sky. For a long time, neither of them spoke, and then at length Phazon uttered a few cryptic words.
“Roy Mustang is not the Mayor.” Phazon finally announced, and Spoony turned his head to face his friend and quirked an eyebrow.
“What are you talking about?” The Spoon knew that Phazon was not one to joke about something so serious. This was the genuine thing; and that made him both intrigued and a bit afraid of what he'd find out. He had to wait another minute or two before Phazon spoke again. This time it wasn't for dramatic affect – it was because Phazon had been waiting on someone.
TS threw open the door to the roof and ran over to Phazon's side. He quickly handed the elder Flan-I a manila folder. Then he looked to Spoony and nodded to him.
“Good news, huh?” TS asked brightly.
“He doesn't know.” Phazon replied, not taking his eyes off the contents of the folder.
By this time, the Spoon's curiosity had grown into frustration. “What exactly don't I know?”
Phazon closed the folder and tossed it to Spoony. He uttered only a single word: “Read.”
The Spoon tore open the folder and quickly recognized its contents. It contained several secret documents – all the pending laws that had been submitted to the mayor's office for approval. The election had happened so fast Spoony hadn't had time to approve or deny any of them before he left office. He realize that TS had stolen these files from his – well, now Mustang's – office. However, as he read the third pending law, he realize what Phazon meant.
“Impossible!” Spoony gasped. “Law Number Three... Ordinance to make Short Skirts Mandatory... that's the law Mustang himself submits every year!”
Phazon smirked as the Spoon realized the truth. “And 'Mustang' denied that law yesterday... the same one he'd been begging you to implement for ages. Why would someone with Mustang's reputation ax his own law?”
Spoony's jaw dropped. He looked up and saw the twinkle in TS' eyes... he wondered if the same spark was burning behind Phazon's dark glasses. “The man in my office... with my job... he's an impostor! A fake Mustang!”
“Yeah, but... how is that possible?” TS scratched his head.
“Not as hard to make as you'd think.” Spoony had first hand knowledge of this one. “And the only villains around during the Pilot Series... this is CHoW's doing!”
“No kidding.” Phazon nodded, turning his eyes to the fast-setting sun. The orange was bleeding out of the skies and being replaced with a dark black below. “They must have swapped the real Mustang for an impostor. And with you out of power and Kimi and Sama out of jobs... CHoW should have little trouble taking over.”
Spoony stood up and clenched his fist so tightly his knuckles began to turn pale. He looked furious... the heated anger that he had shot towards Kimi and Sama before was like a dying ember next to the seething rage that floated behind his eyes, now.
“I assume you told me this so I'd do something?” Spoony asked. “And that means you have a plan.”
Phazon chuckled. “Of course I don't... but my sources tell me that The Professor and his friends are planning a raid on Foodstuff Forest and LASOOF's HQ. You might benefit from meeting up with them.”
There was a silent pause. Spoony did not know if it would be wise for him to team up with the Professor. The Spork was, after all, his greatest personal adversary. Still, he knew the Professor had been known to help Kimi and Sama from time to time... and now, he was the one needing help.
“What about you two?” Spoony asked, turning back to Phazon and TS.
“We'll meet up with the Flan-I Order and explain the situation.” TS grinned. “That way, we can begin working on a strategy to stop the impostor.”
Phazon nodded, confirming the plan. “It won't be easy... the only way to prove this Mustang is a fake is to find the real Mustang.”
The Spoon's mouth twisted into a smirk. “Ask Joha to help you. I'm sure once she learns the truth, she'll be eager to prove the impostor is a fraud.” He knew her well enough to know she'd be relieved that the arrogant jerk who had bested her friend in the election was a fake; and at the same time, she'd be so gun-ho about finding the real Mustang she'd take charge and not stop till he was located.
“Good idea... and good luck.” Phazon replied as he watched the Spoon disappear along with the last trace of the sun.
While Spoony slipped off into the darkness to rendezvous with the scientific Spork, his mind suddenly began to fill with thoughts from days long since passed. A time before he had been in charge of Teh City . . . before Teh City existed as it did now.
“HYYAAH!”
With that cry of battle and a great clash of colors, two flansabers slammed together sending sparks of syrup flying throughout the air. The two who were locked in combat were both in their teens and both trained in the Flan-I arts; but the similarities ended there.
One was female, with long brown hair and a bright pink cape that matched the color of her saber. Her opponent was male, he wore a dark green cape and had fought with a saber of teal colors. The girl slashed high, but the boy dropped back and sliced in a upward pattern, knocking her saber from her hand and sending it across the room where it fell to the ground with a clang.
The boy smirked and laughed out loud: “Hahaha! I win! Just like I knew I wo—owwww!”
The girl had raised her hands and sent several volts of electricity right into her enemy. His hair stood up straight and he coughed as he fell backwards onto the ground.
“No fair!” He complained loudly.
“Fair is relative. In combat, those who play by the rules often lose.”
Two others had been in the room. The one who spoke wore a white suit with blue gloves and boots, and he had dark sunglasses over his face. Next to him was a shorter boy with a brown ponytail and a red cape. He was shaking his head and laughing a bit.
“Fair is relative, huh?” The apprentice HA muttered, scratching his head. It looked as if something had just clicked in his mind. “Hmm... I'll remember that.” He quickly scampered off into the shadows, a small leech on his shoulder and an idea suddenly flowing through his mind.
“Nice job Crystal, but it looks like Avatar's still got better swordsmanship.” Spoony said as he walked across the arena to his apprentice's side.
“Yeah, but she's better with the Flan. Hmm... I guess it makes sense, considering their teachers.” Phazon smirked as he helped his apprentice off the ground.
Spoony turned to his apprentice and made a quick announcement. “I've got a meeting with someone... I'd like you to come along. It's not an actual mission, but it might be fun anyway.”
As she followed him to the exit, Crystal's curiosity got the best of her. “Who are you meeting with?”
The Spoon flicked his hand, opening the door as they walked on through. “You remember that idea I told you I had?”
“For a city?” Crystal blinked.
“Yeah.” Spoony smirked as they continued along a dusty road that seemed to stretch on for miles. “A City where everyone can live in peace... a place defended by the Flan-I Order we're trying to establish... anyway, I met someone who wants to help. We just have to meet up with him.”
It did not take long. While the road seemed to go on forever, they quickly came upon a small settlement in the middle of a vast field. Beside the field was a great bay, with its own small island nestled near the shore. Spoony smiled as he saw this spot... it seemed like a paradise.
“Wow...” Crystal was amazed by this spot. “Is this...”
“Yeah.” Spoony answered, guessing the question. “It's where I'll build the city when the time is right. Look, I even put up a sign!”
The Spoon pointed down the road a bit, where a large white sign sat high in the sky. There were inky black letters sprawled out across it, neatly spelling out - “Future Site Of The City' . . . although Spoony noticed a problem. The word 'The' had been crudely repainted to say 'Teh'.
“Eh?” Spoony scratched his head.
Not far away, a local teen was trying hard to contain her laughter, while her friend sat beside her looking uneasy.
“HAH! Look at that chump's face! Best prank we've pulled all day.” The girl in green smirked.
“I dunno... we're going to get in trouble. You know I hate breaking rules.” The boy in blue sighed, in what is clearly an ironic statement if you've realize who these two are supposed to be. [/breakingfourthwall]
“Teh City? Weird name. But it's more creative than just calling it 'The City'.” Crystal hadn't realize the vandalism when she said this. Spoony coughed and decided he'd just let this one slide.
“Hey, there you are.” A tall, bald man in a yellow jumpsuit appeared on the horizon. He headed in the direction of the Flan-I and his apprentice. Spoony nodded and bowed as the man appeared.
“How are you, Cid?” Spoony asked.
“Eh... been better.” Cid shrugged his shoulders. He quickly got excitable about something. “Hey! Listen to this – I caught some punk kid trying to steal from ME. Can you believe that?”
Crystal frowned. “A thief? Oh no... I hope he didn't steal anything valuble.”
Cid laughed and shook his head. “Naw... tried to get some old book about Alchemy. I never could make heads or tails of what the book said. I'd have thrown the punk to the Behemoths, but my kid made friends with him.”
Spoony rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, sometimes things happen for a reason. I'm sure everything will be okay.”
The Al Bhed chief shrugged. “Eh, if you say so. Anyway, you wanted those building plans, right?”
Spoony nodded and offered a friendly smile. “Yeah... I'm wanting to turn this field into a city. A paradise for anyone and everyone.”
Cid yawned. “Yeah, sounds nice and all. Well, I left the plans with my kid. I think she's with that punk over by the bay.”
A spark of fear shone through the Spoon's eyes. “Did you say by the bay...? And that 'punk'... he stole a alchemy book?”
Cid nodded in confirmation. “So what?”
Spoony sweat dropped. “It's probably nothing... the odds are so bad... but they say a pirate's treasure is buried in that bay, along with the pirate. And, well, if a transmutation were preformed in the exact right spot where the pirate is buried it could cause a viciously unstable reaction.”
The pink Flan-I apprentice shrugged her shoulders. “You'd have to have luck so bad it's comical to just happen to preform alchemy in the same spot that --”
Before she could finish, lightning lit up the skies. The lightning was purple, however, and it was caused by a transmutation. Crystal's jaw dropped and Spoony sighed.
“Yeah, this kind of thing seems to happen to Flan-I a lot.” The Spoon quickly jumped into the skies, and his apprentice followed behind. With the larger-than-life leaps all Flan-I are capable of doing, they quickly crossed the bay and found themselves on the small island. A frightened blond girl was shivering on the ground, and feet away from her a young boy in a red shirt was standing outside a gigantic gate.
Spoony leaped into action, summoning up the reaches of his powers. Focusing the Flan around his hands, he was able to knock the doors of the Gate shut. As they shut, a long hand that was eerie and dark reached back beyond the Gate, leaving the poor boy unharmed... almost. It looked as if the hand had ruffled his hair in a way that made it exceptionally messy.
Cid finally caught up with them, and as he did his daughter ran to him. She had a fear of lightning, and the creepy purple lightning that accompanied the hand from beyond the Gate had been too much for her to bear.
“Dumb punk alchemist!” Cid yelled.
“S-Sorry...” The kid was on the edge of tears, both afraid and upset that his hair was so badly messed up.
The Spoon shook his head. “I guess I was wrong... this wasn't totally boring after all.” Crystal nodded in agreement with these words. After a pause, Cid reached down and took something from Rikku. It was a bundle of papers that he handed to Spoony.
“Here... the plans for the city, as we agreed. After seeing you risk your life for my kid... well, I guess I was right to trust you with them. You'll do a fine job building this city, and protecting it too, it looks like.” Cid smirked and patted the Spoon on the back.
While Cid would not live in Teh City, instead returning to his home, his daughter would eventually wind up in a crowded apartment with a Flan-I turned Super Villain turned Flan-I again, his apprentice and a CSI fanatic. Spoony did build his dream city, even if teenage vandals had changed the spelling on the sign... the change had been kept since Spoony had grown to like the way it looked (even if most of the people he asked had no idea how to pronounce 'Teh'.)
The fourth wall once again crumbled, but was quickly repaired. Spoony remembered those days now... even after the passage of time, he still had the same love for Teh City that he once had. Knowing now that Mustang's victory was a fraud, and that a impostor had taken the job of Mayor, he now felt rejuvenated to take back what he had lost.
“Find anything, Tazzy?”
“Only some recipes for grilled cheese and a calendar with some puppy pictures... no incriminating evidence here!”
“Could you gals keep it down? This is a secret mission and all.”
Three hooded, caped figurers were creeping around in the darkness of Mustang's Office. They were trying to find the evidence that would prove what Phazon and TS suspected... that Roy Mustang was a phony.
“You're making more noise than either of us!” Crystal called back to the former Flantom who was criticizing their stealth techniques.
“Besides...” Tazzy piped up. “Mustang, or whoever this guy is, isn't here.”
“In that case...” HA blinked. “Why don't we turn on the lights?” He waved his arm and the lights in the room immediately sprang to life. Crystal, Tazzy and Avatar had been searching the room for a long while... and with the addition of the lights, they realized the room was barren of any clues. It looked largely the same as it had when the Spoon was in charge.
Then, Tazzy spotted something on the floor.
“Buh? . . . is that . . .”
Her voice trailed off. Crystal covered her mouth and HA whistled.
“Looks like we found proof of our phony.” Avatar headed over and picked up a red-and-white bucket that was lying on the ground. He slide his finger along the inside and then licked it. Turning back to the girls, he nodded his head. “The taste is faint... but there was definitely some chicken in this bucket.”
“A bucket of chicken... and someone impersonating Colonel Mustang.” Tazzy crossed her arms. “Hmm... that doesn't make the mystery obvious at all.” Her sarcasm caused a chuckle from her companions, unfortunately it drew out three separate laughs... and she had not been laughing.
“HA... I don't suppose you laugh with a southern accent, do you?” Crystal asked with a gulp.
“No... that would be unwanted company.” HA sighed.
The three quickly activated their flansabers as flames flashed throughout the room... The Colonel had an evil expression on his face as he stepped forward.
“Are you sure about this?”
“The Professor told us we need to distract LASOOF while they find CHoW... this is a great way. Trust me, brother!”
The majority of LASOOF's minions were gathered in a dark room. In the front of the room was a small wooden stage, and standing upon that stage were the two young brothers who had started as mere clones. Jimi and Hammah had donned black suits and ties, dark hats and sunglasses all in an elaborate means to distract LASOOF.
“We're so glad to see so many of you lovely super villains tonight. We would especially like to welcome all the representatives of the LASOOF Security Forces who have chosen to join us at this time. We hope you enjoy the show, and remember people: No matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there's still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them: Everybody. Everybody.” Hammah said in a monotone voice.
With Jimi impersonating Jake, and Hammah taking the reigns for Elwood, the two Clone Brothers began to sing and dance.
“Everybody – Needs Somebody. Everybody – Needs Somebody to Love.”
“Someone to love.”
“Someone to love.”
“Sweetheart to miss.”
“Sweetheart to miss.”
“Sugar to kiss.”
“Sugar to kiss.”
((If the preceding spoof made no sense, you really need to watch The Blues Brothers. One of the greatest films ever made. Seriously.))
CRACK!
A flash of lightning struck the stage between the two casting sparks high in the air. Jimi yelped and fell backwards and Hammah froze like a deer in the headlights.
“Well, look whose here...” Rowen stepped forward from the crowd of LASOOF minions. The cereal-themed villains all seemed to scuttle backwards out of fear... there was something inherently scary about Rowen on a rampage. His hand cracked with flan lightning as he looked up at Hammah.
“You're finished.” Rowen sneered.
“STOP!” Hammah yelled. He grabbed the side of his coat and tore it off, revealing he was wearing a yellow vest and parachute pants beneath the tuxedo he'd worn only moments ago. “Hammah Time.”
Rowen whimpered as if his head hurt. “You know... one musical spoof is bad enough... now you're just TRYING to get on my nerves.”
Hammah shrugged and pulled a pair of flansabers out of the unusually large pants that resembled a parachute. “Alright, then let's move on to where brother and I save the day.”
He charged forward, activating his sabers and slashing wildly at Rowen. Unfortunately, Rowen's body flashed with a sapphire light and he vanished from the spot using Chaos Control. Hammah spun around slashing, expecting Rowen to reappear behind him. Unfortunately, Rowen had chosen above as the place he'd reappear. His foot flew into Hammah's face with a ferocious kick that sent the Custard-I flying back into the ground.
Jimi flew forward and prepared a powerful punch. It could have knocked Rowen clear into the next county; but Rowen's body flashed with a red light and a second later that energy blasted out and consumed Jimi. The elder clone was blasted backwards and into the crowd of the few LASOOF minions who had stuck around to watch the battle.
Rowen smirked, his Chaos Powers once again providing an upper hand in tackling two enemies at once.
“Bring them inside... I'm sure they aren't alone.” Rowen growled to the LASOOF underlings. They quickly hauled up the unconscious Jimi and his equally defeated brother, carrying them into the depths of the LASOOF building, and then beyond it.
A dark elevator in the back of the building led underground... and into a dangerous dome. It was metallic and black, with several missile torrents on the spherical walls and a dangerous drill just above the wheels in the front. Those wheels were like the ones on a tank, though much larger in size. A gigantic eyeball sat on top of this fortress.
“What is that?” Avenger whispered from the shadows where he and The Professor were perched, watching as Jimi and Hammer were carried inside.
“No idea... must be CHoW's new toy.” Sporky narrowed his eyes. “Some kind of... Flanodrome.”
Lightning flashed from the tips of HA's fingers as he tried to bring down the corrupt Colonel Sanders, but the Chicken Fiend raised his hands and a great burst of flames erupted and fizzled out the lightning in mid-air. Sanders grinned and grabbed something from the pocket of his spotless white coat – it was a chicken tender!
“Take this!” Sanders yelled as he threw the Chicken Tender at HA. The Flan-I Swordsmaster slashed his Flansaber, but as the blade of syrupy fury hit the fried fowl, there was a great explosion and tiny fireballs flew all across the room. Some of them spattered onto the Flan-I Master's cape and it quickly caught fire.
“Whoa!” HA threw off his cape and hood as it burst into flames and then quickly fizzed out into dust. Turning his half-masked face back to Sanders, he narrowed his eyes. “That wasn't funny...”
“Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices... of Death!” Sanders laughed evilly, and as he opened his mouth he expelled a great jet of flames right at HA. Luckily at that moment, Crystal used her powers to bend the water inside the small water cooler that sat in the corner of the room. A jet of ice-cold H20 shot like a rocket and hit the fire dead-on just centimeters away from the former flantom's face.
“It was you all along!” Crystal accused, pointing a finger at Sanders. “You disguised yourself as Mustang, rigged the election... and now you're trying to destroy Teh City for CHoW!”
Sanders smirked. “Right you are... except for one point. I'm not 'trying' to destroy Teh City... that's CHoW's job. I'm trying to destroy... YOU!” Sanders spit and once again flames billowed forth. This time Crystal took up the defensive, waving her arms and sending a miniature tornado spinning forward. It sucked up the flames and extinguished them with easy.
Then Tazzy switched on the offensive. Stomping her foot, Tazzy summoned up a large spike of the very earth itself. It shot through the floor and slammed into Sanders from below. Sanders toppled over backwards and crashed onto the desk, breaking it roughly into pieces.
HA activated his saber and slashed down at the evil Colonel. There was a metallic clang as the sword passed through the Colonel's false arm – he had lost his original arm in a battle long ago with another of Teh City's protectors.
“That's not nice.” Sanders growled, then he jumped forward and delivered a flaming kick to HA's chest, knocking him to his knees. Crystal sent out a burst of wind and Tazzy complimented that with a fireball from her hands; but Sanders merely absorbed the flames and used them as a shield to brace himself against the wind.
“Not going to work!” Sanders yelled in defiance. Then, a loud bang pierced the room as fire flashed and smoke rose into the air.
None of the three Flan-I moved. Slowly, a red stain appeared on Sanders' jacket. He turned his head behind him, to see the door of Mustang's office was open. Riza Hawkeye stood in the doorway, her pistol trained on Sanders ready for a second shot.
“... Looks like my cover's blown.” Sanders wasn't too happy about that. What happened next didn't lift his spirits – but it did lift him. A projectile broke through the window and slammed into Sanders from behind, propelling him right out the glass window of the office. Being on the seventeenth floor of the building, he had nowhere to go but straight down.
That projectile had been a flying purple chopstick. A second chopstick of the same color, also flying through the air, entered the room. This one had a girl riding it like a surf board. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked downright angry.
“That Chicken-cooking freak made me doubt Roy. If he's not dead already, he will be.” Mojohanna promised with a fierce tone.
“Well, well, well . . . Super Jimi and Wonder Hammah. Not exactly who I was expecting, but I'd be happy to use you as practice for the real deal.”
Darth CHoW was seated in a tall-backed leather chair – standard villain seating. Jimi and Hammah were on their knees, their hands and feet bound, and behind them stood Rowen with a triumphant smirk on his lips. However, that look of victory was quickly replaced as he stepped forward.
“CHoW... they wouldn't come alone. I'm sure The Professor is here.” Rowen said quietly.
CHoW looked up at his long-time friend and partner in crime. It was impossible to tell his reaction to this with the helmet covering his face. “... Yeah, I figured as much. I should hope that destroying The Spork won't be a problem.”
Rowen didn't respond right away. However, at length he scoffed. “Please. If he insist on defying LASOOF... he'll be destroyed.”
“Is that a fact?”
Rowen did not need to turn around. The Spork's voice filled the room, and from the sound of the footsteps and the number of footfalls, Rowen knew it was two people entering the room. He assumed the second to be Avenger.
“Now this could be a party...” Avenger smirked as he clicked on his saber.
“CHoW. I'm the last person who wants to stand up for The Spoon... but I'm afraid I'll have to stop you today.” Professor AGOI admitted, his Keyblade appearing in his hand.
CHoW laughed merrily. “Is that so? How come?”
The Professor sighed. “Because I know something you don't... that Gnome you're 'working with'... he plans to destroy our universe. All of us will be killed. You can't possibly expect otherwise.”
CHoW tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair. The Professor heard a yawn from behind his helmet.
“You mad scientists... always so arrogant. You assume you know more than I do about my own plans.” CHoW shook his head. “Believe me... I have everything under control... Rowen!”
Upon his name being called, Rowen turned around to face the Custard-powered foes. He did not reach for his saber, nor did he say a word. Instead he stood as still as a statue of stone, waiting for them to make the first move.
“... This'll be fun.” Avenger smirked at length, then with a crack his saber flashed to life and he charged forward at his enemy. At the last possible second, Avenger jumped to the air and slashed at Rowen's head. The fallen Flan-I of exceptional strength leap backwards with the speed of a bullet, avoiding the intended attack completely.
The Custard-I didn't waste any time. He shot forward and tried to skewer Rowen with his saber; but in a flash Rowen's own crimson blade buzzed into life and blocked the attack. Rowen responded with his own upper slash; but Avenger blocked that with ease. The two traded blows with their sabers, neither able to connect with anything other than their foe's saber.
Finally as the two blades clashed together in mid-air, the two combatants locked eyes as they struggled to break the other's defenses.
“You've forgotten something important.” Rowen hissed as he pushed his blade with all of his strength into Avenger's saber.
“Yeah? What's that?” Avenger growled as he focused his energies, intent on winning this bout of strength.
With a loud crack, the opposite end of Rowen's saber flashed to life. Rowen fell back and spun his saber in his hands, cutting the floor mere centimeters from Avenger's feet. The Custard-I was able to avoid having his feet cut off, but he lost any chance to strike Rowen while his defenses were down.
Panting and kneeling down a few feet away after having jumped out of Rowen's path, Avenger clenched his fist around the grip of his blade.
Rowen's hands began to glow with an eerie blue light. Avenger realized right away that whatever was about to happen it wouldn't be good. Suddenly Rowen began spinning his two-sided saber round and round, so quickly that it was like a giant spiraling ball of red light.
“By using Chaos Control, I can move faster than you could ever dream of... and that makes my weapon an invincible one!” Rowen laughed, and then he launched himself like a rocket at Avenger. The Custard-I tried to slash at the spinning flansaber and it's evil owner. The spinning saber was moving so quickly it ripped the blade right out of Avenger's hand and the blade was flung across the room and into a wall.
“Not good...” Avenger quickly jumped back to avoid a dangerous slash of the spinning weapon. The floor was ripped open in a vicious fashion right where he had been standing only moments earlier. His weapon now out of his hands and badly damaged, Avenger had to rely on other ways to fight back.
His hands began to blaze with energy and he quickly hurled balls of ki right towards Rowen. They impacted on the spinning red lights of his blade. Rowen hurried forward, slashing and spinning his blades. Avenger started charging his powers... he had seen something from behind Rowen that let him know not to worry.
Just as Rowen came towards him, there was a flash of light around Avenger's body. The blade clashed against his chest, but quickly rebound and sent Rowen flying backwards a few feet. The Professor's Keyblade sparkled with a ruby colored light from the reflect spell. As Rowen regained his footing, Avenger took the chance to throw a ki blast from each hand.
The first one hit his blade to the side, while the second connected with the center of his saber and broke it in two halves, sending the now separated saber flying across the room in two different directions.
“STOP!” Professor AGOI yelled out, sending a white light right at Rowen. It struck him in the chest and suddenly a red clock appeared above his head. He was frozen in suspended animation until the clock's hands went around a full turn.
“We don't have much time...” The Professor announced as he turned to face CHoW in his chair. Avenger's hands flashed with energy once more and he smirked.
“Not a problem.”
CHoW seemed to be in a good mood for someone who was out numbered. As his enemies approached him, he stood up and raised his arms. There was something daunting about his movements... and when the affect of his motions were known, it was clear why. The two sides of Rowen's flansaber floated up into the air and flickered back to life.
“That's not good.” Avenger gulped.
“Not at all...” The Professor's voice trailed off. A second later, the sabers flew at them. Slashing his keyblade, Sporky managed to block the saber sailing towards his head. Avenger blasted the one aimed at him with his ki blasts and it fluttered in the air and faltered.
“Fighting disembodied sabers isn't like a normal battle,” CHoW stated the obvious. “Mainly... you can only defend; but no matter how hard you fight and how well you struggle... you'll get tired eventually. That, or you'll take so long Rowen is freed and he unleashes those Chaos Powers on you both.”
It was as CHoW described; a race against time. Fighting disembodied sabers was difficult, and aside from trying to destroy the actual saber cases themselves, there was no way to defeat them. The sabers shot around the room – one of them slashed into The Professor's right arm, causing him to wince and stumble.
The other flew by and caught Avenger in the back of his leg. “Damn! They're moving too fast to stop!” Avenger growled as he hurled a custard-ki blast at the one that had slashed him.
The Professor held up his Spork Keyblade and fired a blast of energy at CHoW; although the Thundaga hit the helmeted foe and gave him a vicious jolt it was already too late. The saber slashed violently into Professor AGOI’s shoulder, causing him to cry out in pain and fall to the ground.
The heat of the flansaber had stopped any bleeding that would have normally occurred, but his shoulder was cut so deeply that he could no longer move his arm. Worse still, that was the same arm that he used to hold his Keyblade… a situation that could spell disaster.
Avenger wanted to help his fellow Custard-User, but unfortunately he could not. His leg was injured and there was no way he could move from his spot. With his Ki blasts, he could still shoot at the sabers and keep himself – and The Professor – safe from being killed; it would not help much in stopping ChoW.
“… Hmm… I should have expected you two to cause me trouble.” CHoW hissed. “And yet, in the end, I still win.”
“WHAT!?”
After stopping Colonel Sanders’ charade, the first order or business was to locate the two people who would be most excited about the truth behind ‘Mustang’s Rule’. A flan-telepathic message from Crystal to her former-apprentice was all it took to lure Kimi and Sama to the Mayor’s Building in no time.
“You know what’s ironic?” Sama pondered as he scratched his chin and looked around the now-vacant office. “Kimi and I had all these plans to storm in here and demand our jobs back, and now we don’t even have to.”
“Sama. . .” Kimi growled, clenching her fists. “Haven’t you realized it’s never a good idea to say things like that? Who knows what could happen! I’ve said it before, and I’ll have to repeat myself: WATCH SOME CARTOONS BEFORE YOU SPEAK!”
Being punched in the shoulder by the ex-super hero, Sama winced and rubbed his sore arm. He had no way of knowing that at that very moment, one of their sometimes-foes was clutching his own shoulder, which hurt even worse. Unfortunately, niether Sama or Kimi would be able to help the Professor. They would soon discover they had their own problems.
“Don’t have to demand your jobs back? Now, I don’t recall agreeing to THAT.”
Instantly everyone in the room turned around. In the corner, by an open doorway, stood Roy Mustang. An anxious Joha and an equally nerveous Hawkeye both readied their weapons, but Roy held up a hand and motioned for them to lower them.
“Relax. I’m the genuine article. I was tied up in the basement . . . but Armstrong found me.” Mustang explained.
“And how do we know it’s the REAL you?” Kimi demanded.
“No need to worry.” Armstrong entered the room, right on cue. “The first thing THIS Mustang asked me when I untied the gag on his mouth was ‘Did you pass the skirt law yet?’”
“Yeah, that’s him.” Hawkeye sighed.
“No doubt about it.” Joha shook her head.
Mustang muttered something, but he kept it low and to himself, not wanting to aggravate the situation. Then, a coy smile crossed his face and he turned to look at Kimi and Sama. “Now . . . as for the two of you. You seem to believe that, because Sanders impersonated me, it instantly means your buddy Spoon is in charge again.”
“We were kind of hoping, yeah.” Kimi let out a sigh, not liking where this was going.
“UNFORTUNATELY,” Mustang said, but he didn’t sound like he thought it was unfortunate at all. “You have no way of proving whether or not Sanders was the Mustang in the actual election . . . if he attacked me and took my place AFTER the vote, I’m still in charge. And, naturally, that’s what happened.”
Sama tapped his foot. “Can you prove that?”
“The real question is . . . can you DISprove it?” Mustang smirked in response.
“Aww, Potatoes!”
“I’m a fair man . . . so I’ll make you a perfectly reasonable deal.” There was something about the way Mustang said that, that proved there would be nothing fair and reasonable about his ‘deal’. “You two are Spoony’s heroes . . . if you can defeat MY choices for super heroes, then I’ll step down and let that Spoon take his job back. If my heroes win . . . I’m in charge.”
[. . .]
“This is a joke, right?”
Ed Elric had his arms crossed in front of his chest and his blonde eyebrow raised. He and Alphonse were standing next to one another, and in front of Mustang. About ten feet away stood Kimi and Sama, and around them were the Flan-I and the Guardian. None of them were aware of the situation at Foodstuff Forest, all of them were waiting on baited breath the duel to begin.
“Ed, Al . . . you need to defeat Kimi and Sama. Then I’ll get to keep this cushy new job.” Mustang grinned.
“What in our history makes you think I give a damn?” Ed asked in his usual, oh-so-polite attitude.
To that, Mustang had but one answer. He knew better than to pull rank, because Ed didn’t respect the military. He also knew that Ed might take his request if he was promised that Roy would ‘owe him one’, but Mustang knew from experience that was a dangerous posistion to put himself in. Luckily, the coy Colonel did have one trick up his sleeve.
“If they win, Spoony gets his job back. Last I checked, that Spoon guy was awfully friendly with a certain mechanic . . .” The look of horror in Ed’s eyes was all the confirmation Mustang needed. He knew full well that Ed would not be able to resist this challenge, not when it meant dealing a blow to who he considered his number one romantic rival.
“Al, let’s break some skulls.” Ed grinned.
“Brother . . . why do you always let the Colonel manipulate us into doing his dirty work?”
With no choice, Kimi and Sama shared a mutual sigh and walked out onto the battlefield.
Mustang snapped his fingers and sent a flare straight up into the night sky, causing a stark orange trail to illuminate an otherwise black-as-tar evening. Ed clapped his hands and quickly passed left over right, turning his automail hand into a long, pointed blade. Alphonse charged forward with his arms ready to throw powerful blows.
Kimi shot forward like a dart, flew up and aimed a sideways kick right at Al’s head. Being that his head was no more than a empty helmet, it was knocked clean off and flew high into the sky above. Al yelped and reached up to where his head had been only moments ago.
The head spun around and around, and as it did, Ed slashed viciously at both Kimi and her sidekick. Kimi flew up to avoid it and Sama jumped backwards. Then with a loud clang the helmet of the younger Elric crashed down upon the elder brother’s head. The sheer force of the steel clanging down on his noggin was enough to render Edward dizzy and confused.
Mustang’s jaw dropped in amazement. He muttered something and then, at length, he accepted his defeat. At least, for the moment. Roy Mustang is a man who craves power, and it would likely not be the last time he tried to realize his dreams.
“Psh . . . Alchemists trying to out-hero us. The nerve.” Kimi crossed her arms.
“Yeah . . . but I have to admit, I respect those two for being able to do alchemy. I tried it once.” Sama admitted.
“How’d that turn out?” Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“Eh, on a scale of one to ten, I was about a half.” Sama shrugged.
“Oh, so as well as everyone else, then?”
“Yeah. . . HEY!”
While the superhero picked on her sidekick, and the Flan-I trio chatted about the recent events, none of them were aware of what was happening at Foodstuff Forest . . . where the next act was about to unfold.
After rendering The Professor unable to attack, and Avenger unable to move, things had become very bad for the followers of Custard. Jimi and Hammah were still tied up on the floor, able to do nothing more than watch events unfold. The Professor had tried to heal his shoulder, but being unable to wield his keyblade, the spells were useless.
Avenger had kept the group alive by hurling small Ki Blasts at the flansabers that floated menacingly around them until now. However, his powers were weakening after so long . . . it was all he could do to keep going.
“Give it up.” CHoW snickered from his spot atop the raised platform in the room. “Even if you manage to block me much longer, which I doubt you can . . . the timer has almost run out: Rowen will be set free, and then you will be completely out of luck.”
Glancing at the clock that floated above the petrified villain, The Spork knew it to be true. Rowen had only a few minutes to go before his body turned back from stone, and then . . . well, he knew that they would be defeated. It was a hopeless situation, but one in which neither of the two active Custard-users would surrender to.
“Pffft . . . I’d rather be turned into a Wookie than surrender to you, helmet-head.” Avenger growled up at the menacing, yet usually-comical villain.
“A shame . . . you’ll both have to die then.” CHoW shook his head and raised his hands; the manipulated sabers began to spin around. It made things far more dangerous than before, and it also decreased Avenger’s chances of being able to stop the blades with his Ki alone.
ZVARRI!
There was a clash of lightning throughout the room! The twin blades that spun towards The Spork and the Vengeful Custard-I were knocked right out of the air. CHoW jumped up in surprised, and his eyes twisted into anger when he saw the source of the lightning.
“. . . Hmm, I wondered if I’d ever have to fight you myself.” The Great Spoon stepped out of the shadows, holding a de-activated saber in his hand, while the other one cracked with flan lightning.
CHoW narrowed his eyes. “My Teacher’s Teacher . . . how lucky am I? I get to destroy the clones of those idiots, their creator, the only Custard-I who exists outside the Spork’s lab . . . and now, I get to kill you as well.”
Spoony clenched his fist tight around the base of his blade. “We shall see.” With the slightest twitch of his thumb, a green beam shot out. At the end of the flan was a unusual shape . . . rather than a normal blade’s tip, the Spoon’s saber looked like a spoon.
CHoW said nothing. His saber was active in seconds; and then he leapt at Spoony. He slashed his blade at the Spoon’s head, but Spoony blocked it with his own blade. CHoW thrust a slice at Spoony’s waste – but Teh City’s founder managed to counter than by making a small shield of flan energy. CHoW blasted lightning from the tips of his fingers, showering the room in an eerie blue light.
Spoony scooped up the lightning with the spoon portion of his flansaber, then his free hand glowed with a yellow light. A glove of flan energy covered his hand and he grabbed the end of his Spoonsaber and pulled it back. Then, he let go all at once – sending the stolen lightning flying like a clump of mashed potatoes in a food fight.
CHoW was struck dead on in the chest and his own dark lightning twisted around his body, crackling and popping. CHoW let out a scream as steam jumped from his skin and he fell to his knees.
“It’s over, CHoW. Give up.” The Spoon aimed his saber at CHoW’s helmet, a threat that if the villain tried anything else, his scheme --- and his life – would come to a mutual end.
“Ah, but nothing be over yet.”
Spoony shuddered. He had forgotten one key person. Turning his head, he saw the still frozen Rowen . . . and floating above him was not a clock, but a gnome. THE gnome.
“Tick, tock . . . I spent your birthday recharging my powers, Mr. Spoon. Why? Why waste a perfectly good chance to wreck your existance? Well, in truth I was weak . . . I needed time to heal. Luckily, by choosing to save my powers, I’m now at full strength . . . and the clock has struck Midnight. Your birthday is over.”
A look of horror crossed Spoony’s face at what happened next.
“But now, it’s a new birthday . . . his.” The Gnome was pointing directly below him, at the frozen Rowen. With a snap of his fingers, the stone melted away from Rowen’s body.
Instead, he was enveloped in a crimson shine. When the light faded away, Rowen had his arms crossed in front of his chest. His cape fluttered behind him, and over his elbows and knees he now wore metal bracers with long, razor-like spikes. Flames seemed to appear behind him, and when he finally opened his eyes and looked up, there was a fierce glow about him.
“Happy Birthday to me.”
The Blues Brothers... MC Hammer... and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... where else can you go to see all three spoofed in a matter of paragraphs? :p
I'm back, and even crazier than before. I pledge to bring you new SK&WS... and a ton of it... all winter long. Cojo, Joha, Kimi, Tazzy... all of your birthday's will be addressed soon enough with stories, and when they have come to and end... that is when the next arc will begin.
Part I (DP): http://srb.sonicrapidboard.com/index.php?showtopic=1187
Part II (BR): http://srb.sonicrapidboard.com/index.php?showtopic=1223&st=0
The Birthday Gnome's Revenge
Part II
“Alchemy, Advice and Silverware”
Or
“Happy Birthday Spoony!”
<Sama Says> I am too busy!!! Arragh! >_< Sorry for the super lateness. It's not 'cause you don't rock Spoony, because you do; I'm just swamped. ;_; Still, I hope you enjoy this. I'm sure you will. ^_~
<Last Time, On [SK&WS]…>
CHoW and Rowen returned to their roles as the main villains after an extensive gap, and with news toys supplied by the Birthday Gnome they set about blazing a trail of destruction. A TIE Fighter and a Giant Robot Snake transformed together to create LASOOF’s gravest danger to good in a long time.
Our heroes bravely battled the robots, and while LASOOF was defeated the damage to Teh City was severe enough to cause public unrest. In the commotion, Teh K Tower, home to Kimi, Sama, Joha, Zim and Gir was destroyed as well, once again making our heroes homeless.
Now, ambitious Military Colonel Roy Mustang has challenged Spoony in the elections for the position of Mayor. Meanwhile, a sinister threat lurks in Foodstuff Forest as CHoW, Rowen and the Birthday Gnome plot the next phase of their grand schemes . . .
“This is Emmy-Award winning journalist and part-time cab drive, Jon Colbert, bringing you the latest headlines.” A short, bespectacled man was in the center of the television screen talking into a microphone. He sat at a anchor's table and was reading from small cue cards in front of him.
Jon Colbert began reporting all the important news stories: “In Entertainment news, filming of ‘Badgers on a Boat 2: I’m Even More Tired Of These Freaking Badgers On This Freaking Boat’ has been postponed after director Barry Scone was attacked by angry Hufflepuff students who objected to badgers being portrayed as vicious killing machines. Apparently they tried to feed him to man-eating badgers.”
“And now for our top story: The election of the new Mayor of Teh City. The only candidates are Spoony, the founder of Teh City and long-time Mayor, and challenged, Colonel Roy Mustang, known skirt-chaser and pyromaniac.”
As Jon Colbert gave his report on television, four people sat in a dark laboratory watching in silence. In front of the giant television screen, in his leather swivel-chair sat a young man in a white lab coat and goggles, his hands pressed together in front of his face as if he was in deep thought.
From behind him, another young male with shaggy blond hair was the first to speak up. “Man, that’s depressing . . . I was looking forward to Badgers on a Boat 2.”
“We have bigger problems.” The Spork spun around in his chair to face the two clones he had created and his newest friend and fellow Custard-I, Avenger. “The Spoon’s election . . .”
“Yeah, maybe this is a dumb question, but . . . why do you even care?” Avenger raised an eyebrow. “I mean, he is your arch-rival, right? You should be glad he’s getting replaced.”
Professor AGOI dropped his hands back to the arm rests of his chair and leaned back. “Ordinarily . . . yes, I would be glad. This time, though . . . Something is going on. I don't know what CHoW is up to, but I get the feeling that if Mustang wins, we're all in trouble.”
“And you base this on...?” Avenger asked, quirking a eyebrow.
“My gut.” The Professor replied.
“Real scientific.” Avenger rolled his eyes.
Prof. AGOI shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his swivel chair and pressed his fingers together. “We need to find CHoW and Rowen... figure out what's really going on.”
The Professor was perhaps one of the most complex residents of Rapid Island. He was known to be both one of the fiercest villains, and yet one of the most helpful allies of Kimi and Sama at different times. Avenger crossed his arms and shrugged.
“Well, either way, what are you suggesting?” Avenger knew that the Professor had something in mind about the situation. He just didn’t know what.
Professor AGOI shrugged. “It's simple... we're going to the Foodstuff Forest, so we can break into LASOOF's Secret Base.”
Avenger paused for a moment, then he asked: “Do we get to fight hordes of random, pushover enemies and then maybe one or two actual tough ones for drama?” The Custard-I raised his brow at his question.
With a nod, the Professor confirmed his ever hope. Avenger clapped his hands together and laughed. “Well, alright then! I'm down for that!”
“WHY are you so nervous?” Mojohanna, the Guardian of the Master Flan and long-time friend of the Spoon was leaning nonchalantly against a wall with her arms folded across her chest. She seemed the most relaxed of the many people who crowded around Spoony's office.
Present in the room was the glasses-wearing Jeremy, Spoony's computer expert. The bikini-clad alien Lum who was known to randomly shock people with high voltage electricity. Her 'darling', and known bad-luck charm Ataru Moroboshi was present at her side. At his usual desk, Spoony was slumped down with his head in the palms of his hands and his elbows on the desk, looking depressed.
Sitting in front of him in two metal chairs was a teen in a green bandanna and her red-themed sidekick. Ordinarily Kimi would be spaced out, either reading a manga, snacking on whatever bagged lunch Sama had prepared or doodling on the back of one of Spoony's important documents. Her sidekick would normally have his feet on Spoony's desk and be drinking a soda with a goofy grin on his face.
Today, however, the heroes of Teh City were sitting straight up in their chairs, their hands folded in their laps and their attention fully on the Spoon. Clearly they'd broken out their rarely-seen 'best behavior' for the tense situation that was being blamed entirely on them.
“Why am I so so nervous?” Spoony looked up and groaned. “Everyone in Teh City is mad at Kimi and Sama! And everyone knows that not only did I hire them, they're also my friends... I'm guilty by association!” Spoony sighed.
“Relax!” Sama said optimistically. “It could always be worse!”
Naturally, Kimi smacked him on the back of the head. “There's ALWAYS cartoons on the TV at home, am I supposed to believe you've NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO THEM!? Never, ever say 'it could always be worse'!”
Sama whimpered and rubbed his head. There was a long pause in which time everyone looked around the room. Ataru peered out the window, Jeremy began googling 'problems heading our way' and Spoony shot a glare so fierce it threatened to engulf the room in flames.
However... after several tense minutes, nothing happened.
“... Huh. That's weird.” Joha blinked.
“See? You guys worry too much!” Sama grinned, once again relaxed. “I'm sure that by this time tomorrow, we'll all be having a big laugh about this!”
Kimi, the heroic defender of Teh City, was sitting on a couch with her head slumped over in her hand. The television was on, but she was hardly paying attention to it at all. Instead she was busy complaining to the older boy sitting next to her.
“It's not fair,” Kimi sighed. “I mean... sure, we destroyed a few buildings, and CHoW and 'wen got away... and everybody's pretty peeved at us... but, to lose our jobs – again – this really bites.”
...
Sama was looking just as unhappy. He was staring at the blank ceiling and pouting, letting his complaints fall on the ears of the super-powered teen beside him.
“At least everyone came together and voted for Spoony... even Joha, and we all know the idea of a shirtless Roy drove her crazy... but I guess we forgot about the hundreds of random residences of Teh City who aren't our little circle...” Sama scratched his head. “I can't believe the Spoon's out of a job too.”
...
“It's just not fair!” Kimi groaned and kicked the table in front of the couch out of anger, breaking it instantly in two. She blinked, blushed and sheepishly grinned to her companion. “Heh... sorry... I just get so mad when I think about what happened.”
The superhero grinned and scratched her neck, trying to ignore the angry glare she was now receiving and how much it reminded her of Spoony's vicious stare from before.
...
“Maybe we'll get our jobs back somehow.” Sama tried to stay optimistic as he sat his glass of Ice Tea down on the table in front of the couch. He shook his head and then turned back to his companion with a sad stare on his face.
“Well, if you're not on the crime-stoppers list anymore,” Blackfire smirked. “Then why not return to the supply side of crime, darling?” There was something evil in her voice, but that was nothing new.
...
“You just broke my table.” Miles away in Teh Town, David had less advice for his sister as he looked down at the broken shards of what had once been a coffee table.
Kimi shrugged. “Yeah, sorry about that... but can you blame me? I went from being a superhero in a her own tower to moving back to this nowhere town.” She crossed her arms. “There's got to be some way to get back in the hero business.”
“Tch... then quit complaining! Get out of my living room, go find the buffoon and figure something out! Or keep complaining and forget the buffoon – just get out of my living room.” It was late and David didn't want to deal with an adventure; Kimi, however, realized that she had to get her old job back.
So she quickly flew away, to find her sidekick.
“HEY! Next time use the door INSTEAD OF THE WALL!”
“So what are you going to do now?”
The sun was setting on the first day since Spoony's fall from office. The former leader of Teh City was now standing on the roof of an apartment building. That building was where Phazon lived, and right now Spoony was joined by his old friend as they watched the sun blaze with an orange huge.
“I have no idea.” Spoony shook his head in response. “I founded this city as a safe haven. A place where peace would flourish. Now an egomaniac like Mustang is in charge... I'm afraid of what will happen to my city now.”
Phazon pushed his sunglasses up the brim of his nose. “Hmm... and you're just going to give up?”
The Spoon let out a deep sigh. “The people chose Mustang.”
Spoony blinked and looked up. He was sitting on top of an air conditioner unit, while Phazon stood at his side and kept his eyes towards the fierce orange that consumed the sky. For a long time, neither of them spoke, and then at length Phazon uttered a few cryptic words.
“Roy Mustang is not the Mayor.” Phazon finally announced, and Spoony turned his head to face his friend and quirked an eyebrow.
“What are you talking about?” The Spoon knew that Phazon was not one to joke about something so serious. This was the genuine thing; and that made him both intrigued and a bit afraid of what he'd find out. He had to wait another minute or two before Phazon spoke again. This time it wasn't for dramatic affect – it was because Phazon had been waiting on someone.
TS threw open the door to the roof and ran over to Phazon's side. He quickly handed the elder Flan-I a manila folder. Then he looked to Spoony and nodded to him.
“Good news, huh?” TS asked brightly.
“He doesn't know.” Phazon replied, not taking his eyes off the contents of the folder.
By this time, the Spoon's curiosity had grown into frustration. “What exactly don't I know?”
Phazon closed the folder and tossed it to Spoony. He uttered only a single word: “Read.”
The Spoon tore open the folder and quickly recognized its contents. It contained several secret documents – all the pending laws that had been submitted to the mayor's office for approval. The election had happened so fast Spoony hadn't had time to approve or deny any of them before he left office. He realize that TS had stolen these files from his – well, now Mustang's – office. However, as he read the third pending law, he realize what Phazon meant.
“Impossible!” Spoony gasped. “Law Number Three... Ordinance to make Short Skirts Mandatory... that's the law Mustang himself submits every year!”
Phazon smirked as the Spoon realized the truth. “And 'Mustang' denied that law yesterday... the same one he'd been begging you to implement for ages. Why would someone with Mustang's reputation ax his own law?”
Spoony's jaw dropped. He looked up and saw the twinkle in TS' eyes... he wondered if the same spark was burning behind Phazon's dark glasses. “The man in my office... with my job... he's an impostor! A fake Mustang!”
“Yeah, but... how is that possible?” TS scratched his head.
“Not as hard to make as you'd think.” Spoony had first hand knowledge of this one. “And the only villains around during the Pilot Series... this is CHoW's doing!”
“No kidding.” Phazon nodded, turning his eyes to the fast-setting sun. The orange was bleeding out of the skies and being replaced with a dark black below. “They must have swapped the real Mustang for an impostor. And with you out of power and Kimi and Sama out of jobs... CHoW should have little trouble taking over.”
Spoony stood up and clenched his fist so tightly his knuckles began to turn pale. He looked furious... the heated anger that he had shot towards Kimi and Sama before was like a dying ember next to the seething rage that floated behind his eyes, now.
“I assume you told me this so I'd do something?” Spoony asked. “And that means you have a plan.”
Phazon chuckled. “Of course I don't... but my sources tell me that The Professor and his friends are planning a raid on Foodstuff Forest and LASOOF's HQ. You might benefit from meeting up with them.”
There was a silent pause. Spoony did not know if it would be wise for him to team up with the Professor. The Spork was, after all, his greatest personal adversary. Still, he knew the Professor had been known to help Kimi and Sama from time to time... and now, he was the one needing help.
“What about you two?” Spoony asked, turning back to Phazon and TS.
“We'll meet up with the Flan-I Order and explain the situation.” TS grinned. “That way, we can begin working on a strategy to stop the impostor.”
Phazon nodded, confirming the plan. “It won't be easy... the only way to prove this Mustang is a fake is to find the real Mustang.”
The Spoon's mouth twisted into a smirk. “Ask Joha to help you. I'm sure once she learns the truth, she'll be eager to prove the impostor is a fraud.” He knew her well enough to know she'd be relieved that the arrogant jerk who had bested her friend in the election was a fake; and at the same time, she'd be so gun-ho about finding the real Mustang she'd take charge and not stop till he was located.
“Good idea... and good luck.” Phazon replied as he watched the Spoon disappear along with the last trace of the sun.
While Spoony slipped off into the darkness to rendezvous with the scientific Spork, his mind suddenly began to fill with thoughts from days long since passed. A time before he had been in charge of Teh City . . . before Teh City existed as it did now.
“HYYAAH!”
With that cry of battle and a great clash of colors, two flansabers slammed together sending sparks of syrup flying throughout the air. The two who were locked in combat were both in their teens and both trained in the Flan-I arts; but the similarities ended there.
One was female, with long brown hair and a bright pink cape that matched the color of her saber. Her opponent was male, he wore a dark green cape and had fought with a saber of teal colors. The girl slashed high, but the boy dropped back and sliced in a upward pattern, knocking her saber from her hand and sending it across the room where it fell to the ground with a clang.
The boy smirked and laughed out loud: “Hahaha! I win! Just like I knew I wo—owwww!”
The girl had raised her hands and sent several volts of electricity right into her enemy. His hair stood up straight and he coughed as he fell backwards onto the ground.
“No fair!” He complained loudly.
“Fair is relative. In combat, those who play by the rules often lose.”
Two others had been in the room. The one who spoke wore a white suit with blue gloves and boots, and he had dark sunglasses over his face. Next to him was a shorter boy with a brown ponytail and a red cape. He was shaking his head and laughing a bit.
“Fair is relative, huh?” The apprentice HA muttered, scratching his head. It looked as if something had just clicked in his mind. “Hmm... I'll remember that.” He quickly scampered off into the shadows, a small leech on his shoulder and an idea suddenly flowing through his mind.
“Nice job Crystal, but it looks like Avatar's still got better swordsmanship.” Spoony said as he walked across the arena to his apprentice's side.
“Yeah, but she's better with the Flan. Hmm... I guess it makes sense, considering their teachers.” Phazon smirked as he helped his apprentice off the ground.
Spoony turned to his apprentice and made a quick announcement. “I've got a meeting with someone... I'd like you to come along. It's not an actual mission, but it might be fun anyway.”
As she followed him to the exit, Crystal's curiosity got the best of her. “Who are you meeting with?”
The Spoon flicked his hand, opening the door as they walked on through. “You remember that idea I told you I had?”
“For a city?” Crystal blinked.
“Yeah.” Spoony smirked as they continued along a dusty road that seemed to stretch on for miles. “A City where everyone can live in peace... a place defended by the Flan-I Order we're trying to establish... anyway, I met someone who wants to help. We just have to meet up with him.”
It did not take long. While the road seemed to go on forever, they quickly came upon a small settlement in the middle of a vast field. Beside the field was a great bay, with its own small island nestled near the shore. Spoony smiled as he saw this spot... it seemed like a paradise.
“Wow...” Crystal was amazed by this spot. “Is this...”
“Yeah.” Spoony answered, guessing the question. “It's where I'll build the city when the time is right. Look, I even put up a sign!”
The Spoon pointed down the road a bit, where a large white sign sat high in the sky. There were inky black letters sprawled out across it, neatly spelling out - “Future Site Of The City' . . . although Spoony noticed a problem. The word 'The' had been crudely repainted to say 'Teh'.
“Eh?” Spoony scratched his head.
Not far away, a local teen was trying hard to contain her laughter, while her friend sat beside her looking uneasy.
“HAH! Look at that chump's face! Best prank we've pulled all day.” The girl in green smirked.
“I dunno... we're going to get in trouble. You know I hate breaking rules.” The boy in blue sighed, in what is clearly an ironic statement if you've realize who these two are supposed to be. [/breakingfourthwall]
“Teh City? Weird name. But it's more creative than just calling it 'The City'.” Crystal hadn't realize the vandalism when she said this. Spoony coughed and decided he'd just let this one slide.
“Hey, there you are.” A tall, bald man in a yellow jumpsuit appeared on the horizon. He headed in the direction of the Flan-I and his apprentice. Spoony nodded and bowed as the man appeared.
“How are you, Cid?” Spoony asked.
“Eh... been better.” Cid shrugged his shoulders. He quickly got excitable about something. “Hey! Listen to this – I caught some punk kid trying to steal from ME. Can you believe that?”
Crystal frowned. “A thief? Oh no... I hope he didn't steal anything valuble.”
Cid laughed and shook his head. “Naw... tried to get some old book about Alchemy. I never could make heads or tails of what the book said. I'd have thrown the punk to the Behemoths, but my kid made friends with him.”
Spoony rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, sometimes things happen for a reason. I'm sure everything will be okay.”
The Al Bhed chief shrugged. “Eh, if you say so. Anyway, you wanted those building plans, right?”
Spoony nodded and offered a friendly smile. “Yeah... I'm wanting to turn this field into a city. A paradise for anyone and everyone.”
Cid yawned. “Yeah, sounds nice and all. Well, I left the plans with my kid. I think she's with that punk over by the bay.”
A spark of fear shone through the Spoon's eyes. “Did you say by the bay...? And that 'punk'... he stole a alchemy book?”
Cid nodded in confirmation. “So what?”
Spoony sweat dropped. “It's probably nothing... the odds are so bad... but they say a pirate's treasure is buried in that bay, along with the pirate. And, well, if a transmutation were preformed in the exact right spot where the pirate is buried it could cause a viciously unstable reaction.”
The pink Flan-I apprentice shrugged her shoulders. “You'd have to have luck so bad it's comical to just happen to preform alchemy in the same spot that --”
Before she could finish, lightning lit up the skies. The lightning was purple, however, and it was caused by a transmutation. Crystal's jaw dropped and Spoony sighed.
“Yeah, this kind of thing seems to happen to Flan-I a lot.” The Spoon quickly jumped into the skies, and his apprentice followed behind. With the larger-than-life leaps all Flan-I are capable of doing, they quickly crossed the bay and found themselves on the small island. A frightened blond girl was shivering on the ground, and feet away from her a young boy in a red shirt was standing outside a gigantic gate.
Spoony leaped into action, summoning up the reaches of his powers. Focusing the Flan around his hands, he was able to knock the doors of the Gate shut. As they shut, a long hand that was eerie and dark reached back beyond the Gate, leaving the poor boy unharmed... almost. It looked as if the hand had ruffled his hair in a way that made it exceptionally messy.
Cid finally caught up with them, and as he did his daughter ran to him. She had a fear of lightning, and the creepy purple lightning that accompanied the hand from beyond the Gate had been too much for her to bear.
“Dumb punk alchemist!” Cid yelled.
“S-Sorry...” The kid was on the edge of tears, both afraid and upset that his hair was so badly messed up.
The Spoon shook his head. “I guess I was wrong... this wasn't totally boring after all.” Crystal nodded in agreement with these words. After a pause, Cid reached down and took something from Rikku. It was a bundle of papers that he handed to Spoony.
“Here... the plans for the city, as we agreed. After seeing you risk your life for my kid... well, I guess I was right to trust you with them. You'll do a fine job building this city, and protecting it too, it looks like.” Cid smirked and patted the Spoon on the back.
While Cid would not live in Teh City, instead returning to his home, his daughter would eventually wind up in a crowded apartment with a Flan-I turned Super Villain turned Flan-I again, his apprentice and a CSI fanatic. Spoony did build his dream city, even if teenage vandals had changed the spelling on the sign... the change had been kept since Spoony had grown to like the way it looked (even if most of the people he asked had no idea how to pronounce 'Teh'.)
The fourth wall once again crumbled, but was quickly repaired. Spoony remembered those days now... even after the passage of time, he still had the same love for Teh City that he once had. Knowing now that Mustang's victory was a fraud, and that a impostor had taken the job of Mayor, he now felt rejuvenated to take back what he had lost.
“Find anything, Tazzy?”
“Only some recipes for grilled cheese and a calendar with some puppy pictures... no incriminating evidence here!”
“Could you gals keep it down? This is a secret mission and all.”
Three hooded, caped figurers were creeping around in the darkness of Mustang's Office. They were trying to find the evidence that would prove what Phazon and TS suspected... that Roy Mustang was a phony.
“You're making more noise than either of us!” Crystal called back to the former Flantom who was criticizing their stealth techniques.
“Besides...” Tazzy piped up. “Mustang, or whoever this guy is, isn't here.”
“In that case...” HA blinked. “Why don't we turn on the lights?” He waved his arm and the lights in the room immediately sprang to life. Crystal, Tazzy and Avatar had been searching the room for a long while... and with the addition of the lights, they realized the room was barren of any clues. It looked largely the same as it had when the Spoon was in charge.
Then, Tazzy spotted something on the floor.
“Buh? . . . is that . . .”
Her voice trailed off. Crystal covered her mouth and HA whistled.
“Looks like we found proof of our phony.” Avatar headed over and picked up a red-and-white bucket that was lying on the ground. He slide his finger along the inside and then licked it. Turning back to the girls, he nodded his head. “The taste is faint... but there was definitely some chicken in this bucket.”
“A bucket of chicken... and someone impersonating Colonel Mustang.” Tazzy crossed her arms. “Hmm... that doesn't make the mystery obvious at all.” Her sarcasm caused a chuckle from her companions, unfortunately it drew out three separate laughs... and she had not been laughing.
“HA... I don't suppose you laugh with a southern accent, do you?” Crystal asked with a gulp.
“No... that would be unwanted company.” HA sighed.
The three quickly activated their flansabers as flames flashed throughout the room... The Colonel had an evil expression on his face as he stepped forward.
“Are you sure about this?”
“The Professor told us we need to distract LASOOF while they find CHoW... this is a great way. Trust me, brother!”
The majority of LASOOF's minions were gathered in a dark room. In the front of the room was a small wooden stage, and standing upon that stage were the two young brothers who had started as mere clones. Jimi and Hammah had donned black suits and ties, dark hats and sunglasses all in an elaborate means to distract LASOOF.
“We're so glad to see so many of you lovely super villains tonight. We would especially like to welcome all the representatives of the LASOOF Security Forces who have chosen to join us at this time. We hope you enjoy the show, and remember people: No matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there's still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them: Everybody. Everybody.” Hammah said in a monotone voice.
With Jimi impersonating Jake, and Hammah taking the reigns for Elwood, the two Clone Brothers began to sing and dance.
“Everybody – Needs Somebody. Everybody – Needs Somebody to Love.”
“Someone to love.”
“Someone to love.”
“Sweetheart to miss.”
“Sweetheart to miss.”
“Sugar to kiss.”
“Sugar to kiss.”
((If the preceding spoof made no sense, you really need to watch The Blues Brothers. One of the greatest films ever made. Seriously.))
CRACK!
A flash of lightning struck the stage between the two casting sparks high in the air. Jimi yelped and fell backwards and Hammah froze like a deer in the headlights.
“Well, look whose here...” Rowen stepped forward from the crowd of LASOOF minions. The cereal-themed villains all seemed to scuttle backwards out of fear... there was something inherently scary about Rowen on a rampage. His hand cracked with flan lightning as he looked up at Hammah.
“You're finished.” Rowen sneered.
“STOP!” Hammah yelled. He grabbed the side of his coat and tore it off, revealing he was wearing a yellow vest and parachute pants beneath the tuxedo he'd worn only moments ago. “Hammah Time.”
Rowen whimpered as if his head hurt. “You know... one musical spoof is bad enough... now you're just TRYING to get on my nerves.”
Hammah shrugged and pulled a pair of flansabers out of the unusually large pants that resembled a parachute. “Alright, then let's move on to where brother and I save the day.”
He charged forward, activating his sabers and slashing wildly at Rowen. Unfortunately, Rowen's body flashed with a sapphire light and he vanished from the spot using Chaos Control. Hammah spun around slashing, expecting Rowen to reappear behind him. Unfortunately, Rowen had chosen above as the place he'd reappear. His foot flew into Hammah's face with a ferocious kick that sent the Custard-I flying back into the ground.
Jimi flew forward and prepared a powerful punch. It could have knocked Rowen clear into the next county; but Rowen's body flashed with a red light and a second later that energy blasted out and consumed Jimi. The elder clone was blasted backwards and into the crowd of the few LASOOF minions who had stuck around to watch the battle.
Rowen smirked, his Chaos Powers once again providing an upper hand in tackling two enemies at once.
“Bring them inside... I'm sure they aren't alone.” Rowen growled to the LASOOF underlings. They quickly hauled up the unconscious Jimi and his equally defeated brother, carrying them into the depths of the LASOOF building, and then beyond it.
A dark elevator in the back of the building led underground... and into a dangerous dome. It was metallic and black, with several missile torrents on the spherical walls and a dangerous drill just above the wheels in the front. Those wheels were like the ones on a tank, though much larger in size. A gigantic eyeball sat on top of this fortress.
“What is that?” Avenger whispered from the shadows where he and The Professor were perched, watching as Jimi and Hammer were carried inside.
“No idea... must be CHoW's new toy.” Sporky narrowed his eyes. “Some kind of... Flanodrome.”
Lightning flashed from the tips of HA's fingers as he tried to bring down the corrupt Colonel Sanders, but the Chicken Fiend raised his hands and a great burst of flames erupted and fizzled out the lightning in mid-air. Sanders grinned and grabbed something from the pocket of his spotless white coat – it was a chicken tender!
“Take this!” Sanders yelled as he threw the Chicken Tender at HA. The Flan-I Swordsmaster slashed his Flansaber, but as the blade of syrupy fury hit the fried fowl, there was a great explosion and tiny fireballs flew all across the room. Some of them spattered onto the Flan-I Master's cape and it quickly caught fire.
“Whoa!” HA threw off his cape and hood as it burst into flames and then quickly fizzed out into dust. Turning his half-masked face back to Sanders, he narrowed his eyes. “That wasn't funny...”
“Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices... of Death!” Sanders laughed evilly, and as he opened his mouth he expelled a great jet of flames right at HA. Luckily at that moment, Crystal used her powers to bend the water inside the small water cooler that sat in the corner of the room. A jet of ice-cold H20 shot like a rocket and hit the fire dead-on just centimeters away from the former flantom's face.
“It was you all along!” Crystal accused, pointing a finger at Sanders. “You disguised yourself as Mustang, rigged the election... and now you're trying to destroy Teh City for CHoW!”
Sanders smirked. “Right you are... except for one point. I'm not 'trying' to destroy Teh City... that's CHoW's job. I'm trying to destroy... YOU!” Sanders spit and once again flames billowed forth. This time Crystal took up the defensive, waving her arms and sending a miniature tornado spinning forward. It sucked up the flames and extinguished them with easy.
Then Tazzy switched on the offensive. Stomping her foot, Tazzy summoned up a large spike of the very earth itself. It shot through the floor and slammed into Sanders from below. Sanders toppled over backwards and crashed onto the desk, breaking it roughly into pieces.
HA activated his saber and slashed down at the evil Colonel. There was a metallic clang as the sword passed through the Colonel's false arm – he had lost his original arm in a battle long ago with another of Teh City's protectors.
“That's not nice.” Sanders growled, then he jumped forward and delivered a flaming kick to HA's chest, knocking him to his knees. Crystal sent out a burst of wind and Tazzy complimented that with a fireball from her hands; but Sanders merely absorbed the flames and used them as a shield to brace himself against the wind.
“Not going to work!” Sanders yelled in defiance. Then, a loud bang pierced the room as fire flashed and smoke rose into the air.
None of the three Flan-I moved. Slowly, a red stain appeared on Sanders' jacket. He turned his head behind him, to see the door of Mustang's office was open. Riza Hawkeye stood in the doorway, her pistol trained on Sanders ready for a second shot.
“... Looks like my cover's blown.” Sanders wasn't too happy about that. What happened next didn't lift his spirits – but it did lift him. A projectile broke through the window and slammed into Sanders from behind, propelling him right out the glass window of the office. Being on the seventeenth floor of the building, he had nowhere to go but straight down.
That projectile had been a flying purple chopstick. A second chopstick of the same color, also flying through the air, entered the room. This one had a girl riding it like a surf board. Her eyes were narrowed and she looked downright angry.
“That Chicken-cooking freak made me doubt Roy. If he's not dead already, he will be.” Mojohanna promised with a fierce tone.
“Well, well, well . . . Super Jimi and Wonder Hammah. Not exactly who I was expecting, but I'd be happy to use you as practice for the real deal.”
Darth CHoW was seated in a tall-backed leather chair – standard villain seating. Jimi and Hammah were on their knees, their hands and feet bound, and behind them stood Rowen with a triumphant smirk on his lips. However, that look of victory was quickly replaced as he stepped forward.
“CHoW... they wouldn't come alone. I'm sure The Professor is here.” Rowen said quietly.
CHoW looked up at his long-time friend and partner in crime. It was impossible to tell his reaction to this with the helmet covering his face. “... Yeah, I figured as much. I should hope that destroying The Spork won't be a problem.”
Rowen didn't respond right away. However, at length he scoffed. “Please. If he insist on defying LASOOF... he'll be destroyed.”
“Is that a fact?”
Rowen did not need to turn around. The Spork's voice filled the room, and from the sound of the footsteps and the number of footfalls, Rowen knew it was two people entering the room. He assumed the second to be Avenger.
“Now this could be a party...” Avenger smirked as he clicked on his saber.
“CHoW. I'm the last person who wants to stand up for The Spoon... but I'm afraid I'll have to stop you today.” Professor AGOI admitted, his Keyblade appearing in his hand.
CHoW laughed merrily. “Is that so? How come?”
The Professor sighed. “Because I know something you don't... that Gnome you're 'working with'... he plans to destroy our universe. All of us will be killed. You can't possibly expect otherwise.”
CHoW tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair. The Professor heard a yawn from behind his helmet.
“You mad scientists... always so arrogant. You assume you know more than I do about my own plans.” CHoW shook his head. “Believe me... I have everything under control... Rowen!”
Upon his name being called, Rowen turned around to face the Custard-powered foes. He did not reach for his saber, nor did he say a word. Instead he stood as still as a statue of stone, waiting for them to make the first move.
“... This'll be fun.” Avenger smirked at length, then with a crack his saber flashed to life and he charged forward at his enemy. At the last possible second, Avenger jumped to the air and slashed at Rowen's head. The fallen Flan-I of exceptional strength leap backwards with the speed of a bullet, avoiding the intended attack completely.
The Custard-I didn't waste any time. He shot forward and tried to skewer Rowen with his saber; but in a flash Rowen's own crimson blade buzzed into life and blocked the attack. Rowen responded with his own upper slash; but Avenger blocked that with ease. The two traded blows with their sabers, neither able to connect with anything other than their foe's saber.
Finally as the two blades clashed together in mid-air, the two combatants locked eyes as they struggled to break the other's defenses.
“You've forgotten something important.” Rowen hissed as he pushed his blade with all of his strength into Avenger's saber.
“Yeah? What's that?” Avenger growled as he focused his energies, intent on winning this bout of strength.
With a loud crack, the opposite end of Rowen's saber flashed to life. Rowen fell back and spun his saber in his hands, cutting the floor mere centimeters from Avenger's feet. The Custard-I was able to avoid having his feet cut off, but he lost any chance to strike Rowen while his defenses were down.
Panting and kneeling down a few feet away after having jumped out of Rowen's path, Avenger clenched his fist around the grip of his blade.
Rowen's hands began to glow with an eerie blue light. Avenger realized right away that whatever was about to happen it wouldn't be good. Suddenly Rowen began spinning his two-sided saber round and round, so quickly that it was like a giant spiraling ball of red light.
“By using Chaos Control, I can move faster than you could ever dream of... and that makes my weapon an invincible one!” Rowen laughed, and then he launched himself like a rocket at Avenger. The Custard-I tried to slash at the spinning flansaber and it's evil owner. The spinning saber was moving so quickly it ripped the blade right out of Avenger's hand and the blade was flung across the room and into a wall.
“Not good...” Avenger quickly jumped back to avoid a dangerous slash of the spinning weapon. The floor was ripped open in a vicious fashion right where he had been standing only moments earlier. His weapon now out of his hands and badly damaged, Avenger had to rely on other ways to fight back.
His hands began to blaze with energy and he quickly hurled balls of ki right towards Rowen. They impacted on the spinning red lights of his blade. Rowen hurried forward, slashing and spinning his blades. Avenger started charging his powers... he had seen something from behind Rowen that let him know not to worry.
Just as Rowen came towards him, there was a flash of light around Avenger's body. The blade clashed against his chest, but quickly rebound and sent Rowen flying backwards a few feet. The Professor's Keyblade sparkled with a ruby colored light from the reflect spell. As Rowen regained his footing, Avenger took the chance to throw a ki blast from each hand.
The first one hit his blade to the side, while the second connected with the center of his saber and broke it in two halves, sending the now separated saber flying across the room in two different directions.
“STOP!” Professor AGOI yelled out, sending a white light right at Rowen. It struck him in the chest and suddenly a red clock appeared above his head. He was frozen in suspended animation until the clock's hands went around a full turn.
“We don't have much time...” The Professor announced as he turned to face CHoW in his chair. Avenger's hands flashed with energy once more and he smirked.
“Not a problem.”
CHoW seemed to be in a good mood for someone who was out numbered. As his enemies approached him, he stood up and raised his arms. There was something daunting about his movements... and when the affect of his motions were known, it was clear why. The two sides of Rowen's flansaber floated up into the air and flickered back to life.
“That's not good.” Avenger gulped.
“Not at all...” The Professor's voice trailed off. A second later, the sabers flew at them. Slashing his keyblade, Sporky managed to block the saber sailing towards his head. Avenger blasted the one aimed at him with his ki blasts and it fluttered in the air and faltered.
“Fighting disembodied sabers isn't like a normal battle,” CHoW stated the obvious. “Mainly... you can only defend; but no matter how hard you fight and how well you struggle... you'll get tired eventually. That, or you'll take so long Rowen is freed and he unleashes those Chaos Powers on you both.”
It was as CHoW described; a race against time. Fighting disembodied sabers was difficult, and aside from trying to destroy the actual saber cases themselves, there was no way to defeat them. The sabers shot around the room – one of them slashed into The Professor's right arm, causing him to wince and stumble.
The other flew by and caught Avenger in the back of his leg. “Damn! They're moving too fast to stop!” Avenger growled as he hurled a custard-ki blast at the one that had slashed him.
The Professor held up his Spork Keyblade and fired a blast of energy at CHoW; although the Thundaga hit the helmeted foe and gave him a vicious jolt it was already too late. The saber slashed violently into Professor AGOI’s shoulder, causing him to cry out in pain and fall to the ground.
The heat of the flansaber had stopped any bleeding that would have normally occurred, but his shoulder was cut so deeply that he could no longer move his arm. Worse still, that was the same arm that he used to hold his Keyblade… a situation that could spell disaster.
Avenger wanted to help his fellow Custard-User, but unfortunately he could not. His leg was injured and there was no way he could move from his spot. With his Ki blasts, he could still shoot at the sabers and keep himself – and The Professor – safe from being killed; it would not help much in stopping ChoW.
“… Hmm… I should have expected you two to cause me trouble.” CHoW hissed. “And yet, in the end, I still win.”
“WHAT!?”
After stopping Colonel Sanders’ charade, the first order or business was to locate the two people who would be most excited about the truth behind ‘Mustang’s Rule’. A flan-telepathic message from Crystal to her former-apprentice was all it took to lure Kimi and Sama to the Mayor’s Building in no time.
“You know what’s ironic?” Sama pondered as he scratched his chin and looked around the now-vacant office. “Kimi and I had all these plans to storm in here and demand our jobs back, and now we don’t even have to.”
“Sama. . .” Kimi growled, clenching her fists. “Haven’t you realized it’s never a good idea to say things like that? Who knows what could happen! I’ve said it before, and I’ll have to repeat myself: WATCH SOME CARTOONS BEFORE YOU SPEAK!”
Being punched in the shoulder by the ex-super hero, Sama winced and rubbed his sore arm. He had no way of knowing that at that very moment, one of their sometimes-foes was clutching his own shoulder, which hurt even worse. Unfortunately, niether Sama or Kimi would be able to help the Professor. They would soon discover they had their own problems.
“Don’t have to demand your jobs back? Now, I don’t recall agreeing to THAT.”
Instantly everyone in the room turned around. In the corner, by an open doorway, stood Roy Mustang. An anxious Joha and an equally nerveous Hawkeye both readied their weapons, but Roy held up a hand and motioned for them to lower them.
“Relax. I’m the genuine article. I was tied up in the basement . . . but Armstrong found me.” Mustang explained.
“And how do we know it’s the REAL you?” Kimi demanded.
“No need to worry.” Armstrong entered the room, right on cue. “The first thing THIS Mustang asked me when I untied the gag on his mouth was ‘Did you pass the skirt law yet?’”
“Yeah, that’s him.” Hawkeye sighed.
“No doubt about it.” Joha shook her head.
Mustang muttered something, but he kept it low and to himself, not wanting to aggravate the situation. Then, a coy smile crossed his face and he turned to look at Kimi and Sama. “Now . . . as for the two of you. You seem to believe that, because Sanders impersonated me, it instantly means your buddy Spoon is in charge again.”
“We were kind of hoping, yeah.” Kimi let out a sigh, not liking where this was going.
“UNFORTUNATELY,” Mustang said, but he didn’t sound like he thought it was unfortunate at all. “You have no way of proving whether or not Sanders was the Mustang in the actual election . . . if he attacked me and took my place AFTER the vote, I’m still in charge. And, naturally, that’s what happened.”
Sama tapped his foot. “Can you prove that?”
“The real question is . . . can you DISprove it?” Mustang smirked in response.
“Aww, Potatoes!”
“I’m a fair man . . . so I’ll make you a perfectly reasonable deal.” There was something about the way Mustang said that, that proved there would be nothing fair and reasonable about his ‘deal’. “You two are Spoony’s heroes . . . if you can defeat MY choices for super heroes, then I’ll step down and let that Spoon take his job back. If my heroes win . . . I’m in charge.”
[. . .]
“This is a joke, right?”
Ed Elric had his arms crossed in front of his chest and his blonde eyebrow raised. He and Alphonse were standing next to one another, and in front of Mustang. About ten feet away stood Kimi and Sama, and around them were the Flan-I and the Guardian. None of them were aware of the situation at Foodstuff Forest, all of them were waiting on baited breath the duel to begin.
“Ed, Al . . . you need to defeat Kimi and Sama. Then I’ll get to keep this cushy new job.” Mustang grinned.
“What in our history makes you think I give a damn?” Ed asked in his usual, oh-so-polite attitude.
To that, Mustang had but one answer. He knew better than to pull rank, because Ed didn’t respect the military. He also knew that Ed might take his request if he was promised that Roy would ‘owe him one’, but Mustang knew from experience that was a dangerous posistion to put himself in. Luckily, the coy Colonel did have one trick up his sleeve.
“If they win, Spoony gets his job back. Last I checked, that Spoon guy was awfully friendly with a certain mechanic . . .” The look of horror in Ed’s eyes was all the confirmation Mustang needed. He knew full well that Ed would not be able to resist this challenge, not when it meant dealing a blow to who he considered his number one romantic rival.
“Al, let’s break some skulls.” Ed grinned.
“Brother . . . why do you always let the Colonel manipulate us into doing his dirty work?”
With no choice, Kimi and Sama shared a mutual sigh and walked out onto the battlefield.
Mustang snapped his fingers and sent a flare straight up into the night sky, causing a stark orange trail to illuminate an otherwise black-as-tar evening. Ed clapped his hands and quickly passed left over right, turning his automail hand into a long, pointed blade. Alphonse charged forward with his arms ready to throw powerful blows.
Kimi shot forward like a dart, flew up and aimed a sideways kick right at Al’s head. Being that his head was no more than a empty helmet, it was knocked clean off and flew high into the sky above. Al yelped and reached up to where his head had been only moments ago.
The head spun around and around, and as it did, Ed slashed viciously at both Kimi and her sidekick. Kimi flew up to avoid it and Sama jumped backwards. Then with a loud clang the helmet of the younger Elric crashed down upon the elder brother’s head. The sheer force of the steel clanging down on his noggin was enough to render Edward dizzy and confused.
Mustang’s jaw dropped in amazement. He muttered something and then, at length, he accepted his defeat. At least, for the moment. Roy Mustang is a man who craves power, and it would likely not be the last time he tried to realize his dreams.
“Psh . . . Alchemists trying to out-hero us. The nerve.” Kimi crossed her arms.
“Yeah . . . but I have to admit, I respect those two for being able to do alchemy. I tried it once.” Sama admitted.
“How’d that turn out?” Kimi raised an eyebrow.
“Eh, on a scale of one to ten, I was about a half.” Sama shrugged.
“Oh, so as well as everyone else, then?”
“Yeah. . . HEY!”
While the superhero picked on her sidekick, and the Flan-I trio chatted about the recent events, none of them were aware of what was happening at Foodstuff Forest . . . where the next act was about to unfold.
After rendering The Professor unable to attack, and Avenger unable to move, things had become very bad for the followers of Custard. Jimi and Hammah were still tied up on the floor, able to do nothing more than watch events unfold. The Professor had tried to heal his shoulder, but being unable to wield his keyblade, the spells were useless.
Avenger had kept the group alive by hurling small Ki Blasts at the flansabers that floated menacingly around them until now. However, his powers were weakening after so long . . . it was all he could do to keep going.
“Give it up.” CHoW snickered from his spot atop the raised platform in the room. “Even if you manage to block me much longer, which I doubt you can . . . the timer has almost run out: Rowen will be set free, and then you will be completely out of luck.”
Glancing at the clock that floated above the petrified villain, The Spork knew it to be true. Rowen had only a few minutes to go before his body turned back from stone, and then . . . well, he knew that they would be defeated. It was a hopeless situation, but one in which neither of the two active Custard-users would surrender to.
“Pffft . . . I’d rather be turned into a Wookie than surrender to you, helmet-head.” Avenger growled up at the menacing, yet usually-comical villain.
“A shame . . . you’ll both have to die then.” CHoW shook his head and raised his hands; the manipulated sabers began to spin around. It made things far more dangerous than before, and it also decreased Avenger’s chances of being able to stop the blades with his Ki alone.
ZVARRI!
There was a clash of lightning throughout the room! The twin blades that spun towards The Spork and the Vengeful Custard-I were knocked right out of the air. CHoW jumped up in surprised, and his eyes twisted into anger when he saw the source of the lightning.
“. . . Hmm, I wondered if I’d ever have to fight you myself.” The Great Spoon stepped out of the shadows, holding a de-activated saber in his hand, while the other one cracked with flan lightning.
CHoW narrowed his eyes. “My Teacher’s Teacher . . . how lucky am I? I get to destroy the clones of those idiots, their creator, the only Custard-I who exists outside the Spork’s lab . . . and now, I get to kill you as well.”
Spoony clenched his fist tight around the base of his blade. “We shall see.” With the slightest twitch of his thumb, a green beam shot out. At the end of the flan was a unusual shape . . . rather than a normal blade’s tip, the Spoon’s saber looked like a spoon.
CHoW said nothing. His saber was active in seconds; and then he leapt at Spoony. He slashed his blade at the Spoon’s head, but Spoony blocked it with his own blade. CHoW thrust a slice at Spoony’s waste – but Teh City’s founder managed to counter than by making a small shield of flan energy. CHoW blasted lightning from the tips of his fingers, showering the room in an eerie blue light.
Spoony scooped up the lightning with the spoon portion of his flansaber, then his free hand glowed with a yellow light. A glove of flan energy covered his hand and he grabbed the end of his Spoonsaber and pulled it back. Then, he let go all at once – sending the stolen lightning flying like a clump of mashed potatoes in a food fight.
CHoW was struck dead on in the chest and his own dark lightning twisted around his body, crackling and popping. CHoW let out a scream as steam jumped from his skin and he fell to his knees.
“It’s over, CHoW. Give up.” The Spoon aimed his saber at CHoW’s helmet, a threat that if the villain tried anything else, his scheme --- and his life – would come to a mutual end.
“Ah, but nothing be over yet.”
Spoony shuddered. He had forgotten one key person. Turning his head, he saw the still frozen Rowen . . . and floating above him was not a clock, but a gnome. THE gnome.
“Tick, tock . . . I spent your birthday recharging my powers, Mr. Spoon. Why? Why waste a perfectly good chance to wreck your existance? Well, in truth I was weak . . . I needed time to heal. Luckily, by choosing to save my powers, I’m now at full strength . . . and the clock has struck Midnight. Your birthday is over.”
A look of horror crossed Spoony’s face at what happened next.
“But now, it’s a new birthday . . . his.” The Gnome was pointing directly below him, at the frozen Rowen. With a snap of his fingers, the stone melted away from Rowen’s body.
Instead, he was enveloped in a crimson shine. When the light faded away, Rowen had his arms crossed in front of his chest. His cape fluttered behind him, and over his elbows and knees he now wore metal bracers with long, razor-like spikes. Flames seemed to appear behind him, and when he finally opened his eyes and looked up, there was a fierce glow about him.
“Happy Birthday to me.”
The Blues Brothers... MC Hammer... and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... where else can you go to see all three spoofed in a matter of paragraphs? :p
I'm back, and even crazier than before. I pledge to bring you new SK&WS... and a ton of it... all winter long. Cojo, Joha, Kimi, Tazzy... all of your birthday's will be addressed soon enough with stories, and when they have come to and end... that is when the next arc will begin.