Title: Teh New Hope
Description: Happy New Year!
Description: Happy New Year!
GoldenSama - January 1, 2008 10:21 AM (GMT)
The first new [SK&WS] of 2008. I promised it on the first -- and I delivered for a change.
A small spaceship flew through the jet black darkness of space, dashing in and out of various stars and small moons. That ship, while small, contained a important secret. Sitting in the middle of the ship was a round room with several large screens that displayed a variety of radars and other scanning systems. In the middle of that room sat four figures.
The first was a tall blue robot who was leaning back in his chair smoking a cigar. In the next chair was a small droid that was white and purple with a round top. The next chair was large and leather, and in it sat the ship's captain. A older man in a red uniform. His hair looked suspiciously like it could be fake. In the final chair was a teenage girl who had chocolate colored hair done in a style that looked like honey buns.
“I... wouldn't worry. We... should... be safe.” The Captain had a strange way of speaking.
“That's nice... but I didn't ask if we'd be safe or not. I asked how long do you think it will take to get there?” The Princess asked.
Suddenly the top of the small droid lifted up, revealing a girl was actually inside the droid. “It's hooot in here.”
The Captain's eyes widened. “I didn't know there were people in the droids!”
The blue droid nodded. “Oh yeah, there's a human in all droids. Of course, with me it's more just a few bits and pieces. Just what I've collected from the corpses.” He opened his chest compartment to show them what he meant.
That action was meant with a great cry of disgust by the Princess, the Captain and the other droid – Taz2-Z2.
“Bender, keep that kind of stuff to yourself.” Princess Rose ordered. “Geez... I'd like to know how I got stuck with him as a droid.”
“I'd like to know how I got the job of captain.” Captain Shatner wondered. “I mean, I'm not even from this series.”
At that moment the ship gave a violent shake, knocking those sitting around the table down to the floor, and saving the fourth wall from the conversation that was about to take place. Outside the small ship, the darkness of space was eclipsed by the darkness of a much larger space craft. This one was shaped like a triangle and it quickly out ran the small ship and floated just above it.
“Heh, that little rebel ship... nothing more than a particle compared to us.”
“Dude... reminds me of that song. You know, 'triangle man, triangle man, triangle man hates particle man. They get in a fight, triangle win, triangle man.”
“Fun songs will have to wait for later. Stormtroopers! Get ready to board that ship.”
At the airlock door of the small ship, a row of crew members were lined up with their rifles trained on the only entrance. They waited, nervous about what could come through.
“Relax. I've been in worse situations.” Captain Shatner laughed nonchalantly. “There's not a single thing that could walk through that door that would worry me.”
A loud bang rang out across the halls and suddenly the door began to hiss and smoke. A red beam was slashing through the door, cutting a new hole in it. After a few seconds of loud humming, the door fell in two halves and out of the smoke that arose a figure walked in the room slowly. He wore a black cape and a black mask and . . . a blue Hawaiian shirt.
“Who were you expecting, Samuel L. Jackson?” Darth CHoW asked with a sadistic glee in his voice. Metallic footsteps filled the entire ship for a moment as the Stormtroopers searched. Finally one of them returned to CHoW's side.
“Sir, the plans are not in the main computer.” The Stroomtrooper saluted.
This prompted CHoW to turn in place and face Captain Shatner. He grabbed the Captain by his neck and lifted him off the ground so quickly that the Captain's toupee became slanted. “What have you done with the plans you intercepted?”
“This is a diplomatic ship . . . we intercepted . . . no . . . plans.” The Captain replied.
CHoW shook his head. “If this is a diplomatic ship, where is the ambassador? And what kind of ambassador would fly around in a beat-up hunk of junk like this? And what about your diplomatic license plate? Where's all that stuff?”
“Uh... We... lost it.” Captain Shatner sweatdropped.
“Oh. In that case you can go on your way.” Darth CHoW nodded and released his grip on the Captain, letting him drop to the floor. After a moment of sputtering and brushing off his shirt and sleeves, Captain Shatner looked up at CHoW.
“Really?” The Captain asked with a bright look in his eyes.
CHoW held up his hand and suddenly Captain Shatner began to gasp for breath. After a moment, he fell to the ground and began to cough and sputter. Finally CHoW dropped his hand, allowing the Captain's lungs to work once again.
“No, Captain. Not really.” CHoW laughed with a sinister enjoyment in his voice. “Stormtroopers! Tear this ship apart until you find those plans, and bring me the Ambassador: I want her alive!”
In the depths of the ship, near one of the escape pods, Princess Rose and her two droids were huddled in the corner. Taz2-Z2 was holding a pen and pad of paper. Bender wasn't paying attention, instead listening to his iPod headphones, which were plugged into him instead of a iPod.
“Did you get the entire message?” Princess Rose asked.
“Yeah, I did... but I don't see why you don't just come with us in the escape pod.” Taz2 questioned.
The Princess sighed and bowed her head. “I can't do that. Darth CHoW will tear this ship apart and kill everyone until he captures me. I can't have their blood on my hands.
Footsteps echoed through the hallways. The Stormtroopers were coming. Princess Rose quickly ushered the two droids into a small pod on the side of the room and shut the door behind them. Just as the door slammed shut another one opened: the door to the escape pod bay.
“There she is! Get her!”
“Thanks Fred, I wouldn't have figured that out on my own.”
“You know, you don't have to be so sarcastic.”
Raising an eyebrow at the Trooper's strange behavior, an idea was hatched in the mind of the princess. She stepped forward, a mischievous smirk in her eyes. She quickly adopted a 'matter-of-fact' tone and addressed the troopers.
“Now, now you two! You'll never defeat the Rebel Alliance if you keep bickering like that! Now, you two make up! Come on, big hug! I'll hold your blasters for you.” Princess Rose nodded, encouraging the two battle-hardened warriors to embrace. Being that they weren't all hat bright, that's exactly what they did after handing over their weapons.
Halfway through the hug, one of the Troopers sighed. “Oh man.”
One seconds and two laser blasts later, and Princess Rose ran towards the door. If all of the Stormtroopers were this stupid, it wouldn't be very hard to take back the ship and save herself from being taken prisoner. She had just made it to the door when it opened with a swish, revealing two more troopers. Between them stood Darth CHoW, the scariest sight in the entire Empire.
“Sadly thanks to budget cutbacks we've had to employ some 'less-than-perfect' Stormtroopers lately. No matter, all that extra dough bought us something pretty. Come on, I'll show ya.” CHoW grinned. Princess Rose did not reply, instead she lifted the blasters to fire.
CHoW waved his hands and the twin laser guns flew from the Princess' palms and into his gloved clutches. After checking to make sure the weapons were on stun (they were) he blasted her. He looked to the troopers and sighed. “You know, I'd order you to carry her back to the ship, but the Emperor would have my head if you dropped her or something. And I've lost enough body parts, believe you me.”
Waving his arms again, Rose's unconscious form floated into the air and followed behind him. The stunned troopers, however, he did leave behind for the other troops to carry.
Tattooine was a dry and dusty planet that was basically one gigantic desert. It was also a poor planet, dominated mostly by farmers. Since crops don't grow in such a climate, they are moisture farmers – they deal in water they harvest from out of the ground. It is also rumored that a blond man in a red coat with a big gun travels the desert and brings random mischief with him wherever he goes, but that is another story for another day.
The small escape pod manned only by the bending unit and protocol droid from the Rebel ship crash landed on this awful desert planet. After the crash, the only occupants quickly climbed out and looked around, the twin suns of the planet barring down on them.
“It's too hoooooooooooooooooooot.” Taz2-Z2 complained, once again popping up her human form out of the small metal droid. She had a small pocket fan in her hand and was using it in an attempt to keep herself cool.
“Eh, I like it.” Bender replied as he looked around. “There's some skeletons over there, and some nice rocks. All we need now is booze, blackjack and some flooziebots. In fact, forget the blackjack.”
“Bender!” Taz2 scolded him. “We have an important mission to accomplish! I have to find a great Jedi Knight who for some reason has been hiding out on this planet instead of fighting the evil Empire and convince him that now, for no reason other than our asking, he should fight the very Empire he's done nothing to try to stop in years.”
The bending unit blinked. “I didn't hear a word you said.”
Taz2 sighed and slumped down, back into the small droid. She closed the lid and drove off into the desert. Apparently she had had enough of Bender and his disinterest in saving the galaxy. The path she took was a long one. The twin suns beat down on the desert ground and there was nothing but sand and rocks to see for miles in all directions.
It was only after Taz2 rolled by a small rocky ridge that she found a sign of life. Her scanners could have warned her in time, but being stuck inside a small droid with two suns hanging overhead is not fun; and she wasn't paying attention to the scanners, instead trying to fix her air conditioner.
A small creature in a brown hood and cloak jumped out from behind the rocks, holding a small rifle in his hands. He aimed and fired, sending electrical waves at Taz2 and rendering the small droid-girl unconscious.
On one of the moisture farms of the planet there sat a youth on the top of a hill of sand. Dressed in simple white clothes that don't seem to get dirty despite all of the dirt and sand everywhere was one of the planet's many residents. Like most people that age, this youth wanted badly to escape the crummy planet and do something exciting – like joining the Rebel Alliance.
“So . . . Boring!” Kimi Cakeeater complained loudly as she flopped back onto the pile of sand, staring up at the sky that was dotted with two suns. This young girl may have lived a simple farm life, but the big dreams that filled her head constantly were about to come true.
“Kimi! Kimi!”
Kimi blinked and sat up, looking around. Running her way was an woman with purple hair, large black boots and one eye. Next to her was a man with red hair and a matching jacket.
“Yo. It's me, you're Uncle Fry.”
Her Aunt narrowed her eye. “She knows who you are. She's been living with us since she was a baby!”
“Jeez Leela, so I forget some things. It's not a big deal.”
Kimi sighed, shaking her head. Her aunt and uncle were, without question, idiots. She was stuck with them, though.
“So, what do you want?” Kimi asked.
Fry shrugged. “I dunno.”
Leela elbowed him in the arm. “Look Kimi, your uncle and I need you to run an errand. Go to the Jawa's and buy us some new droids.”
Instantly Kimi groaned. Buying droids from the Jawa was even less exciting than watching the sand blow in the wind. She crossed her arms. “But I was going into the station to see my friends!”
Leela laughed. “Oh Kimi, you know all your friends have left this dirtball of a planet to fight in the Rebel Alliance. Your uncle and I wouldn't let you go, though, so you're here and completely bored and friendless, and when they get back, they'll think you're a liar because you said you wanted to go to fight too but then you didn't . . . where was I going with this?”
Kimi narrowed her eyes. “I don't know. Whatever, I'll go get the droids.”
It was not long after that when Kimi Cakeeater wound up at the Jawa Van. She had no interest in being there, so she bought the first pair of droids she happened to lay eyes on – which as coincidence would have it was the small Taz2-Z2 and the drunken Bender. The droids loaded on board her sandspeeder, Kimi took off to get home.
“Beep beep boop beep.” Taz2 said.
Kimi looked over at the droid in the backseat. “Uhh . . . what?”
“She said you smell bad.” Bender 'translated'.
“No, what I said is: you're not Ben, are you?” Taz2 translated for herself as she popped up out of the droid's top. Kimi blinked.
“Ben? No, I'm Kimi. . . . Although I do know a Ben. He lives out in the desert. My Uncle Fry says he had a job once, so he's probably a productive person and we shouldn't talk to him.”
While Kimi tried to explain her uncle's crazy philosophy on how lazy people are better than productive ones, she was still looking at the droids, and not the road. As you might expect, that is rarely a good idea. The sandspeeder crashed into something gigantic and round, denting in the front of the speeder and throwing Kimi, Taz2 and Bender into the sand.
“Urrgh... That's the third worst crash I've ever had.” Kimi groaned, rubbing her head. She looked up to see what she hit, and when she did a horrible knot got tangled in the pit of her stomach.
Sand People.
“Who do you think you are, crashing into us like that!?” A blond girl holding a large fan growled.
“What a stupid idiot . . .” A boy dressed in all black with a black hood scathed.
“Let's kill her.” A redheaded boy with exceptionally dark eyes and a odd tattoo on his head hissed like a demon.
Gaara stepped forward and raised his hands in a menacing way, while Kankuro and Temari started at the girl and her droids from the sides. It looked bad for her, but at that moment something odd happened. A hooded figure jumped off a large rock and started screaming and waving his arms.
“I AM THE BOX GHOST!”
Gaara and his companions yelped, turned on the spot and ran off into the desert. As they ran, the hooded figure turned around to Kimi and helped her up. It was then that his identity was revealed, and he was actually not a ghost of any kind, nor a box.
“Ben? Ben Spoonobi?” Kimi blinked, recognizing him.
“Yeah, that's me. And you're a long way from home, Kimi Cakeeater.” Spoonobi commented. “What brings you out so far?”
Kimi brushed the dirt off her clothes and then pointed towards the two droids. “Them. I just bought them . . . hey wait, wasn't there supposed to be some scenes between buying them and meeting you?”
Spoonobi blinked and scratched his chin, looking deep in thought. “You could be right . . . but let's try not to think about that.”
Taz2 rolled forward and threw open the hatch in the droid's head. “You're Spoonobi? I've got a message for you!”
Spoonobi raised his eyebrow and sat on one of the nearby rocks. He nodded. “Alright then. Let's hear this message.”
Taz2 returned to the depths of the droid and started typing on a keyboard. In a moment, the droid's head spun around and projected a small sapphire hologram of a girl – the same one from the spaceship.
“General Spoonobi, years ago you were a great war hero... why you stopped fighting I don't really know... but my father begs you to come to our aid now. We have nothing to offer you for your help and no reason to think you will. But this droid has information vital to the destruction of the Empire's new weapon. If you don't help us... well, we're pretty much doomed. Help us Obi-Wan Spoonobi, you're our only hope.”
Kimi blinked, her arms crossed. “Huh . . . well what do you know. I always thought you were some weirdo who lived in a rock house, turns out your a war hero.”
Spoonobi sweatdropped and rubbed the back of his neck, his eye twitching a bit. “Y-yeah . . . thanks . . . I guess. Anyway, I'm not a weirdo. I'm a Jedi Knight. Defender of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy.”
Kimi raised an eyebrow. “Yeeeeeeah. Good job.”
This time Ben fell on his face. When he regained his composure he coughed and nodded. “Okay, so maybe the whole 'defend the galaxy' thing didn't go so well . . . it was a good enough goal for your father to believe in.”
Kimi sighed. “So we're still sticking with that storyline, huh?”
Spoonobi shrugged. “Yeah, looks like it. Anyway, you must learn the ways of the Jedi if you are to accompany me to fight the Empire.”
The farmgirl shook her head. “Whoa whoa whoa! Me? No way . . . I'm in enough trouble as it is!”
Spoonobi scratched his head, a inquisitive look on his face. “But... haven't you been complaining about being stuck here instead of fighting the Empire?”
“Yeah...”
“And now you have someone – a certified, card-carrying Jedi no less – inviting you to go fight the Empire... and you're turning me down because you'll get in trouble?”
Kimi blinked. “Huh... good point.”
Spoonobi nodded. “Exactly. Now why don't we hop over to Teh Cantina and see if we can hire a pilot to take us to Aldeeran.” He smiled, as if there was no problem with this plan at all.
“Umm... okay. My speeder was pretty messed up by that sand kid... and Mos Eisley is about six miles away... so...” Kimi shifted.
“Not a problem.” Spoonobi grinned. “I have a couple of Segway scooters we can take.”
Kimi sighed and rubbed her forehead. “We're going to ride Segway scooters six miles?”
“Yep.”
In a dark room, eight imperial generals and senators sit around a round, black table. One of the men, a short man with a large mustache and beard of white, was complaining loudly.
“Until this battle station is fully operations, we are vulnerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.”
“Commander Crunch,” Across from him, a short man with red hair and a slimy-looking smirk scoffed silently. “They may be dangerous to your Starfleet, not to this battle station!”
Crunch crossed his arms. “Admiral Lucky, as long as Rebel's continue to gain support in the Imperial Senate...”
Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Crunch's speed is cut short. The doors have opened and Grand Moff Phazon, governor of the Imperial outland regions, enters the room. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Sith Lord, Darth CHoW. All the generals stand and bow before the governor as he takes his place at the head of the table, with CHoW standing behind him.
“The Imperial Senate,” Phazon grins. “Will no longer be of any concern to us. Emperor Avatar has dissolved the council, permanently.”
Crunch gasps, astounded. “Impossible! How will the Emperor maintain control without bureaucracy?”
“The regional governor now have direct control over the territories. Fear will keep the local system in line – fear of this battle station.” Phazon smirked, crossing his hands.
“What about the rebels!?” Crunch demands. “They have the plans! If they study them... they could discover a weakness!”
“Nonsense.” Lucky shook his head. “This Battle Station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.”
“'Ultimate Power'? As if. Don't think this technological terror is anything special next to the power of the Flan.” CHoW butted in.
“Don't try to scare ME with your sorcery, Chower-head. Your voodo hasn't helped you conjure up those stolen tapes, or opened a magical portal to the rebel base.....”
CHoW twitches, then he jumps forward, activates a crimson lightsaber and cut's Lucky in two. The other governors all jump back away from the now-dead leprechaun.
“I just had the carpets cleaned in here...” Phazon sighed. “Look, this bickering is pointless! Obviously CHoW is a total psychopath, but the Emperor trusts him so we'd be best to just sit back and let him find the rebel base.”
Teh Cantina sits in the middle of Mos Eisley Space Port. It was loaded to the brim with aliens of all kinds, some human in appearance and some like monsters or animals. As they started inside, a machine on the walls went off and the bartender looked up.
“Hey, no droids in here.” He snapped.
Spoonobi looked to the two, Taz2 and Bender, and sighed. “You better wait outside. We don't need any trouble.”
Bender grumbled about not being near the booze, but Taz2 shrugged, opened the hatch and climbed out of the R2 Unit. Then she closed the hatch, folded up the unit and handed it to Bender. “Hang on to that, okay?”
To which Bender replied. “What are you?”
Taz2 shrugged. “There's going to be a lot of unexplained things happen, let's not read too much into them, okay?”
The Bending Unit shrugged and left the bar. Taz2 followed behind Kimi and Spoonobi, both of whom took her advice and just didn't worry about this sort of thing. The three hurried to the bar and sat down, but quickly Spoonobi excused himself to go look for a suitable pilot, leaving Kimi and Taz2 to their selves.
For a while the two sat and chatted merrily; neither of them took notice of the two men in black coats who sat down next to them. One man had dark hair and the other had blue skin and wild blue hair. When Kimi finally looked to her left and spotted the blue-skinned man, she yelped and jumped back.
“SHARK! Holy crap, who expected a shark on a desert planet?” Kimi was shocked.
“My friend doesn't like you.” The dark-haired man growled. The shark-looking fellow pushed Kimi in the shoulder.
“I'm sorry.” Kimi whispered.
“I don't like you either.” The dark-haired man added. “You better watch out; we're wanted men! I slaughtered my entire family when I was a teenager, and he's a shark!”
“I'll be careful.” Kimi gulped.
“You'll be dead!” The dark-haired man shouted, and his shark-faced companion reached for her. Suddenly there was a buzzing sound like a bee and a bright blue blade of light sliced right through the arm of the shark-faced man, sending it flying across the room.
Obi-Wan Spoonobi was standing between Kimi and the shark-man, his lightsaber active and burning. The shark-man yelled and screamed and clutched his arm where the hand had once been. His dark-haired companion picked up the severed body part and led his partner away into the crowd.
Kimi and Taz2 both looked shocked by what they had just seen.
“WHOA! That was great! When do I get a lightsaber?” Kimi quickly asked.
Spoonobi shook his head. “After that reaction, you're not getting a lightsaber till I'm dead.”
“Careful what you wish for.” Taz2 warned prophetically.
“That was pretty sweet.”
Kimi and Taz2 exchanged glances of surprise at the new voice. A tall guy with a full head of hair had just appeared. Actually, the hair wasn't just on his head – it was everywhere. He also had a crossbow on his back.
“Ah, yes. Chewvenger here is First Mate on a ship that might suit our needs.” Spoonobi explained, introducing their guest.
“What's up?” Chewvenger asked, nodding to both girls.
Kimi rubbed her eyes. “You're a wookie!”
“What? Noooooo. No, no, no.” Chewvenger quickly replied. “Not a wookie. Funny story... we were smuggling some hair growth formula for the Hutts, when a Imperial Cruiser came too close by and knocked us into a tailspin. The crate broke and – BAM. Instantly furball. Han bet me a thousand bucks I couldn't go a year without shaving it all off.”
Taz2 shook her head. “That's pretty immature.”
“Yeah, but it's funny.” Kimi snickered.
“Erm... Chewvenger.” Spoonobi's face suddenly had a look of concern on it. “When you say 'Han'... that's not the same Han who you just tried to convince me I should hire as our space pilot, is it?”
Chewvenger sweat dropped. “Whoops... Uhh... Yeah, but just hear me out. He's a buffoon, but he's also a great pilot... and our ship is the fastest in the galaxy!”
Kimi Cakeeater kicked back on her barstool and yawned. “I'll remind you, we already HAVE a pretty good pilot.”
Spoonobi sighed. “And I'll remind YOU; we don't have a ship... plus you're not old enough to drive.”
Kimi crossed her arms. “I drove the sandspeeder!”
“You ran over those Sand Kids!”
“Only because I wasn't paying attention!”
Spoonobi, always the diplomat, sighed and tried to find some agreement. “Fine... let's meet with this Space Captain, and if you seem more reliable than him, we'll buy a ship and you can fly us there yourself. Agreed?”
Kimi sighed. “Whatever.”
Chewvenger led the droid-girl, the farm-girl and the hermit-spoon towards the far end of the bar. There sat a man with wild hair and a leather vest. Spoonobi and Kimi sat across from him at the table, while Chewvenger and Taz2 pulled up extra chairs.
“You're a pilot?” Kimi asked skeptically.
“That's right. Han Sama. And you are?” He replied.
“In need of a good pilot and a fast ship.” Spoonobi replied. He put his hands together in front of him and sat quizzical for a moment, as if sizing up the pilot and his first mate. After a pause he asked them a question. “Do you have a fast ship?”
Sama coughed and almost fell out of his chair. “Fast ship? You never heard of the Aluminum Potato?”
“No...” Spoonobi blinked.
“Aluminum Potato? Are you SERIOUS?” Kimi's jaw drop. “What part of that name is supposed to convey speed?”
Sama shook his head. “Hey kid, everyone knows aluminum is the fastest of all metals; and likewise, potatoes are considered the speediest of all fruits.”
“Potatoes are vegetables.” Kimi replied.
“No... I'm pretty sure they're fruit.” Sama insisted.
“Vegetable!”
“Fruit!”
“Vegetable!”
“Fruit!”
“VEGETABLE!”
“FRUIT!”
Taz2 shook her head. “I don't think we should let either of them drive.”
“You may be right...” Spoonobi sighed, setting his head in his hand.
Sama leaned back and put his hands behind his head lazily. “Look, I can get you wherever you need to go quicker than anybody. And since you look like nice folks... I'll only charge you 20 bigs ones.”
Kimi's jaw dropped. “Twenty bucks? Okay, that's suspiciously good.” She crossed her arms.
“What? No! Twenty THOUSAND.” Sama replied quickly.
Once again, Kimi's jaw dropped. This time no sound came out of her mouth, she was at a total loss for words. Finally she found them. “Thousand? We can get a used ship for half of that!”
“Yeah, but whose going to fly it kid, you?” Sama asked with a raised brow.
“You bet I will! I'm not a bad pilot myself, come on, we don't have to listen to this--” Kimi started to stand up, but Spoonobi put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her right back down.
“We can pay you one thousand now... and twenty-nine when we get there.” Spoonobi said in a firm voice.
“Thirty?” Chewvenger said with a grin. Sama was drooling, until Chewvenger noticed and punched him in the arm, causing him to shake his head for a minute and then come back into the conversation.
“You've got a deal. The Potato is in docking bay 94, we can leave when you're ready.” Sama nodded. Then he motioned to the other side of the bar. “Looks like the Imperials are taking an interest in your handy-work... heheh... get it? 'Handy-work'? Cause you cut off that guy's arm...”
Kimi, Taz2 and Spoonobi all looked behind them to see a Imperial trooper interviewing the dark-haired man and the now one-armed shark-person.
“We'll meet you at the docking bay.” Spoonobi said. “Come along...” He, Kimi and Taz2 quickly exited out the side door.
Sama was grinning as he turned to Chewvenger. “Did you hear that!? Thirty thousand! This is going to save my ass! Go to the ship, get her ready, and let's get out of here!”
Chewvenger nodded, grabbed his drink and headed out the same side exit that the Jedi, Droid-girl and farm-kid headed out of. Sama happily started to stroll out as well, but he was stopped by a blue-haired man in a white coat.
“Going somewhere, Han Sama?”
“Yes Legato, as a matter of fact I was just going to see your boss. Tell him I've got his money.”
Sama sits down across from Legato, who has a evil smile on his face.
“It's too late. You should have paid him when you had the chance. He put a price on your head so large, every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you. I'm just glad I found you before Cojo Fett did.” Legato smirked.
“Yeah, but this time I've got the money.” Sama explained.
“Hmm... if you give it to me, I might forget I found you.” Legato grinned.
Sama sighed. “I don't have it with me! Tell your boss --”
“You can tell him yourself. Maybe he'll just take your ship.” Legato replied.
Sama narrowed his eyes. “I'd have to be dead. Dead and buried.”
“I was hoping you'd say that...” Legato smiled, flashing a dangerous eye. “I'll enjoy this.”
“Me too.” Sama grinned; then a shot rang out and a laser fired from beneath the table, striking Legato in the head. He fell over on the table, dead.
CHoW sighed and leaned against the wall, his hands behind his head. Phazon was standing before him and he did not look amused.
“She wouldn't talk?” Phazon asked, to confirm.
“Nope.” CHoW replied. “And I tried everything. Jedi Mind Trick, offering her a dollar, telling her if she told me I'd let her go, I even offered her a double mocha with whipped cream if she told me where the rebel base was, but nothing.”
Phazon sighed and shook his head. “I knew I should have had Darth Bauer interrogate her instead. Oh well, there's other ways to make a princess talk. Set a course for her home planet.”
After a trip to gather a few supplies, Spoonobi quickly leads the girls to docking bay 94. Once there they find Chewvenger waiting for them at the gate. He waves them over hurriedly and leads them into a huge dirt pit that is docking bay. Resting in the middle of the huge hole is a large, round, beat-up, pieced-together hunk of junk that could only loosely be called a starship.
“That's it? That... that... abomination of modern machinery is your ship?” Kimi gasped, her mouth agape and her eyes lit up with disappointment and horror.
The tall figure of Han Sama comes down the boarding ramp, unamused. “She's the fastest ship in the known universe. She may not look like much, but she has speed like you wouldn't believe. I've ever made some special modifications myself.”
He rapped on the side of the Potato and a small compartment opened up to reveal a treadmill. On that treadmill was a rolled up ball of blue quills. It stirred, then unfurled to reveal a hedgehog.
A small spaceship flew through the jet black darkness of space, dashing in and out of various stars and small moons. That ship, while small, contained a important secret. Sitting in the middle of the ship was a round room with several large screens that displayed a variety of radars and other scanning systems. In the middle of that room sat four figures.
The first was a tall blue robot who was leaning back in his chair smoking a cigar. In the next chair was a small droid that was white and purple with a round top. The next chair was large and leather, and in it sat the ship's captain. A older man in a red uniform. His hair looked suspiciously like it could be fake. In the final chair was a teenage girl who had chocolate colored hair done in a style that looked like honey buns.
“I... wouldn't worry. We... should... be safe.” The Captain had a strange way of speaking.
“That's nice... but I didn't ask if we'd be safe or not. I asked how long do you think it will take to get there?” The Princess asked.
Suddenly the top of the small droid lifted up, revealing a girl was actually inside the droid. “It's hooot in here.”
The Captain's eyes widened. “I didn't know there were people in the droids!”
The blue droid nodded. “Oh yeah, there's a human in all droids. Of course, with me it's more just a few bits and pieces. Just what I've collected from the corpses.” He opened his chest compartment to show them what he meant.
That action was meant with a great cry of disgust by the Princess, the Captain and the other droid – Taz2-Z2.
“Bender, keep that kind of stuff to yourself.” Princess Rose ordered. “Geez... I'd like to know how I got stuck with him as a droid.”
“I'd like to know how I got the job of captain.” Captain Shatner wondered. “I mean, I'm not even from this series.”
At that moment the ship gave a violent shake, knocking those sitting around the table down to the floor, and saving the fourth wall from the conversation that was about to take place. Outside the small ship, the darkness of space was eclipsed by the darkness of a much larger space craft. This one was shaped like a triangle and it quickly out ran the small ship and floated just above it.
“Heh, that little rebel ship... nothing more than a particle compared to us.”
“Dude... reminds me of that song. You know, 'triangle man, triangle man, triangle man hates particle man. They get in a fight, triangle win, triangle man.”
“Fun songs will have to wait for later. Stormtroopers! Get ready to board that ship.”
At the airlock door of the small ship, a row of crew members were lined up with their rifles trained on the only entrance. They waited, nervous about what could come through.
“Relax. I've been in worse situations.” Captain Shatner laughed nonchalantly. “There's not a single thing that could walk through that door that would worry me.”
A loud bang rang out across the halls and suddenly the door began to hiss and smoke. A red beam was slashing through the door, cutting a new hole in it. After a few seconds of loud humming, the door fell in two halves and out of the smoke that arose a figure walked in the room slowly. He wore a black cape and a black mask and . . . a blue Hawaiian shirt.
“Who were you expecting, Samuel L. Jackson?” Darth CHoW asked with a sadistic glee in his voice. Metallic footsteps filled the entire ship for a moment as the Stormtroopers searched. Finally one of them returned to CHoW's side.
“Sir, the plans are not in the main computer.” The Stroomtrooper saluted.
This prompted CHoW to turn in place and face Captain Shatner. He grabbed the Captain by his neck and lifted him off the ground so quickly that the Captain's toupee became slanted. “What have you done with the plans you intercepted?”
“This is a diplomatic ship . . . we intercepted . . . no . . . plans.” The Captain replied.
CHoW shook his head. “If this is a diplomatic ship, where is the ambassador? And what kind of ambassador would fly around in a beat-up hunk of junk like this? And what about your diplomatic license plate? Where's all that stuff?”
“Uh... We... lost it.” Captain Shatner sweatdropped.
“Oh. In that case you can go on your way.” Darth CHoW nodded and released his grip on the Captain, letting him drop to the floor. After a moment of sputtering and brushing off his shirt and sleeves, Captain Shatner looked up at CHoW.
“Really?” The Captain asked with a bright look in his eyes.
CHoW held up his hand and suddenly Captain Shatner began to gasp for breath. After a moment, he fell to the ground and began to cough and sputter. Finally CHoW dropped his hand, allowing the Captain's lungs to work once again.
“No, Captain. Not really.” CHoW laughed with a sinister enjoyment in his voice. “Stormtroopers! Tear this ship apart until you find those plans, and bring me the Ambassador: I want her alive!”
In the depths of the ship, near one of the escape pods, Princess Rose and her two droids were huddled in the corner. Taz2-Z2 was holding a pen and pad of paper. Bender wasn't paying attention, instead listening to his iPod headphones, which were plugged into him instead of a iPod.
“Did you get the entire message?” Princess Rose asked.
“Yeah, I did... but I don't see why you don't just come with us in the escape pod.” Taz2 questioned.
The Princess sighed and bowed her head. “I can't do that. Darth CHoW will tear this ship apart and kill everyone until he captures me. I can't have their blood on my hands.
Footsteps echoed through the hallways. The Stormtroopers were coming. Princess Rose quickly ushered the two droids into a small pod on the side of the room and shut the door behind them. Just as the door slammed shut another one opened: the door to the escape pod bay.
“There she is! Get her!”
“Thanks Fred, I wouldn't have figured that out on my own.”
“You know, you don't have to be so sarcastic.”
Raising an eyebrow at the Trooper's strange behavior, an idea was hatched in the mind of the princess. She stepped forward, a mischievous smirk in her eyes. She quickly adopted a 'matter-of-fact' tone and addressed the troopers.
“Now, now you two! You'll never defeat the Rebel Alliance if you keep bickering like that! Now, you two make up! Come on, big hug! I'll hold your blasters for you.” Princess Rose nodded, encouraging the two battle-hardened warriors to embrace. Being that they weren't all hat bright, that's exactly what they did after handing over their weapons.
Halfway through the hug, one of the Troopers sighed. “Oh man.”
One seconds and two laser blasts later, and Princess Rose ran towards the door. If all of the Stormtroopers were this stupid, it wouldn't be very hard to take back the ship and save herself from being taken prisoner. She had just made it to the door when it opened with a swish, revealing two more troopers. Between them stood Darth CHoW, the scariest sight in the entire Empire.
“Sadly thanks to budget cutbacks we've had to employ some 'less-than-perfect' Stormtroopers lately. No matter, all that extra dough bought us something pretty. Come on, I'll show ya.” CHoW grinned. Princess Rose did not reply, instead she lifted the blasters to fire.
CHoW waved his hands and the twin laser guns flew from the Princess' palms and into his gloved clutches. After checking to make sure the weapons were on stun (they were) he blasted her. He looked to the troopers and sighed. “You know, I'd order you to carry her back to the ship, but the Emperor would have my head if you dropped her or something. And I've lost enough body parts, believe you me.”
Waving his arms again, Rose's unconscious form floated into the air and followed behind him. The stunned troopers, however, he did leave behind for the other troops to carry.
Tattooine was a dry and dusty planet that was basically one gigantic desert. It was also a poor planet, dominated mostly by farmers. Since crops don't grow in such a climate, they are moisture farmers – they deal in water they harvest from out of the ground. It is also rumored that a blond man in a red coat with a big gun travels the desert and brings random mischief with him wherever he goes, but that is another story for another day.
The small escape pod manned only by the bending unit and protocol droid from the Rebel ship crash landed on this awful desert planet. After the crash, the only occupants quickly climbed out and looked around, the twin suns of the planet barring down on them.
“It's too hoooooooooooooooooooot.” Taz2-Z2 complained, once again popping up her human form out of the small metal droid. She had a small pocket fan in her hand and was using it in an attempt to keep herself cool.
“Eh, I like it.” Bender replied as he looked around. “There's some skeletons over there, and some nice rocks. All we need now is booze, blackjack and some flooziebots. In fact, forget the blackjack.”
“Bender!” Taz2 scolded him. “We have an important mission to accomplish! I have to find a great Jedi Knight who for some reason has been hiding out on this planet instead of fighting the evil Empire and convince him that now, for no reason other than our asking, he should fight the very Empire he's done nothing to try to stop in years.”
The bending unit blinked. “I didn't hear a word you said.”
Taz2 sighed and slumped down, back into the small droid. She closed the lid and drove off into the desert. Apparently she had had enough of Bender and his disinterest in saving the galaxy. The path she took was a long one. The twin suns beat down on the desert ground and there was nothing but sand and rocks to see for miles in all directions.
It was only after Taz2 rolled by a small rocky ridge that she found a sign of life. Her scanners could have warned her in time, but being stuck inside a small droid with two suns hanging overhead is not fun; and she wasn't paying attention to the scanners, instead trying to fix her air conditioner.
A small creature in a brown hood and cloak jumped out from behind the rocks, holding a small rifle in his hands. He aimed and fired, sending electrical waves at Taz2 and rendering the small droid-girl unconscious.
On one of the moisture farms of the planet there sat a youth on the top of a hill of sand. Dressed in simple white clothes that don't seem to get dirty despite all of the dirt and sand everywhere was one of the planet's many residents. Like most people that age, this youth wanted badly to escape the crummy planet and do something exciting – like joining the Rebel Alliance.
“So . . . Boring!” Kimi Cakeeater complained loudly as she flopped back onto the pile of sand, staring up at the sky that was dotted with two suns. This young girl may have lived a simple farm life, but the big dreams that filled her head constantly were about to come true.
“Kimi! Kimi!”
Kimi blinked and sat up, looking around. Running her way was an woman with purple hair, large black boots and one eye. Next to her was a man with red hair and a matching jacket.
“Yo. It's me, you're Uncle Fry.”
Her Aunt narrowed her eye. “She knows who you are. She's been living with us since she was a baby!”
“Jeez Leela, so I forget some things. It's not a big deal.”
Kimi sighed, shaking her head. Her aunt and uncle were, without question, idiots. She was stuck with them, though.
“So, what do you want?” Kimi asked.
Fry shrugged. “I dunno.”
Leela elbowed him in the arm. “Look Kimi, your uncle and I need you to run an errand. Go to the Jawa's and buy us some new droids.”
Instantly Kimi groaned. Buying droids from the Jawa was even less exciting than watching the sand blow in the wind. She crossed her arms. “But I was going into the station to see my friends!”
Leela laughed. “Oh Kimi, you know all your friends have left this dirtball of a planet to fight in the Rebel Alliance. Your uncle and I wouldn't let you go, though, so you're here and completely bored and friendless, and when they get back, they'll think you're a liar because you said you wanted to go to fight too but then you didn't . . . where was I going with this?”
Kimi narrowed her eyes. “I don't know. Whatever, I'll go get the droids.”
It was not long after that when Kimi Cakeeater wound up at the Jawa Van. She had no interest in being there, so she bought the first pair of droids she happened to lay eyes on – which as coincidence would have it was the small Taz2-Z2 and the drunken Bender. The droids loaded on board her sandspeeder, Kimi took off to get home.
“Beep beep boop beep.” Taz2 said.
Kimi looked over at the droid in the backseat. “Uhh . . . what?”
“She said you smell bad.” Bender 'translated'.
“No, what I said is: you're not Ben, are you?” Taz2 translated for herself as she popped up out of the droid's top. Kimi blinked.
“Ben? No, I'm Kimi. . . . Although I do know a Ben. He lives out in the desert. My Uncle Fry says he had a job once, so he's probably a productive person and we shouldn't talk to him.”
While Kimi tried to explain her uncle's crazy philosophy on how lazy people are better than productive ones, she was still looking at the droids, and not the road. As you might expect, that is rarely a good idea. The sandspeeder crashed into something gigantic and round, denting in the front of the speeder and throwing Kimi, Taz2 and Bender into the sand.
“Urrgh... That's the third worst crash I've ever had.” Kimi groaned, rubbing her head. She looked up to see what she hit, and when she did a horrible knot got tangled in the pit of her stomach.
Sand People.
“Who do you think you are, crashing into us like that!?” A blond girl holding a large fan growled.
“What a stupid idiot . . .” A boy dressed in all black with a black hood scathed.
“Let's kill her.” A redheaded boy with exceptionally dark eyes and a odd tattoo on his head hissed like a demon.
Gaara stepped forward and raised his hands in a menacing way, while Kankuro and Temari started at the girl and her droids from the sides. It looked bad for her, but at that moment something odd happened. A hooded figure jumped off a large rock and started screaming and waving his arms.
“I AM THE BOX GHOST!”
Gaara and his companions yelped, turned on the spot and ran off into the desert. As they ran, the hooded figure turned around to Kimi and helped her up. It was then that his identity was revealed, and he was actually not a ghost of any kind, nor a box.
“Ben? Ben Spoonobi?” Kimi blinked, recognizing him.
“Yeah, that's me. And you're a long way from home, Kimi Cakeeater.” Spoonobi commented. “What brings you out so far?”
Kimi brushed the dirt off her clothes and then pointed towards the two droids. “Them. I just bought them . . . hey wait, wasn't there supposed to be some scenes between buying them and meeting you?”
Spoonobi blinked and scratched his chin, looking deep in thought. “You could be right . . . but let's try not to think about that.”
Taz2 rolled forward and threw open the hatch in the droid's head. “You're Spoonobi? I've got a message for you!”
Spoonobi raised his eyebrow and sat on one of the nearby rocks. He nodded. “Alright then. Let's hear this message.”
Taz2 returned to the depths of the droid and started typing on a keyboard. In a moment, the droid's head spun around and projected a small sapphire hologram of a girl – the same one from the spaceship.
“General Spoonobi, years ago you were a great war hero... why you stopped fighting I don't really know... but my father begs you to come to our aid now. We have nothing to offer you for your help and no reason to think you will. But this droid has information vital to the destruction of the Empire's new weapon. If you don't help us... well, we're pretty much doomed. Help us Obi-Wan Spoonobi, you're our only hope.”
Kimi blinked, her arms crossed. “Huh . . . well what do you know. I always thought you were some weirdo who lived in a rock house, turns out your a war hero.”
Spoonobi sweatdropped and rubbed the back of his neck, his eye twitching a bit. “Y-yeah . . . thanks . . . I guess. Anyway, I'm not a weirdo. I'm a Jedi Knight. Defender of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy.”
Kimi raised an eyebrow. “Yeeeeeeah. Good job.”
This time Ben fell on his face. When he regained his composure he coughed and nodded. “Okay, so maybe the whole 'defend the galaxy' thing didn't go so well . . . it was a good enough goal for your father to believe in.”
Kimi sighed. “So we're still sticking with that storyline, huh?”
Spoonobi shrugged. “Yeah, looks like it. Anyway, you must learn the ways of the Jedi if you are to accompany me to fight the Empire.”
The farmgirl shook her head. “Whoa whoa whoa! Me? No way . . . I'm in enough trouble as it is!”
Spoonobi scratched his head, a inquisitive look on his face. “But... haven't you been complaining about being stuck here instead of fighting the Empire?”
“Yeah...”
“And now you have someone – a certified, card-carrying Jedi no less – inviting you to go fight the Empire... and you're turning me down because you'll get in trouble?”
Kimi blinked. “Huh... good point.”
Spoonobi nodded. “Exactly. Now why don't we hop over to Teh Cantina and see if we can hire a pilot to take us to Aldeeran.” He smiled, as if there was no problem with this plan at all.
“Umm... okay. My speeder was pretty messed up by that sand kid... and Mos Eisley is about six miles away... so...” Kimi shifted.
“Not a problem.” Spoonobi grinned. “I have a couple of Segway scooters we can take.”
Kimi sighed and rubbed her forehead. “We're going to ride Segway scooters six miles?”
“Yep.”
In a dark room, eight imperial generals and senators sit around a round, black table. One of the men, a short man with a large mustache and beard of white, was complaining loudly.
“Until this battle station is fully operations, we are vulnerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.”
“Commander Crunch,” Across from him, a short man with red hair and a slimy-looking smirk scoffed silently. “They may be dangerous to your Starfleet, not to this battle station!”
Crunch crossed his arms. “Admiral Lucky, as long as Rebel's continue to gain support in the Imperial Senate...”
Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Crunch's speed is cut short. The doors have opened and Grand Moff Phazon, governor of the Imperial outland regions, enters the room. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Sith Lord, Darth CHoW. All the generals stand and bow before the governor as he takes his place at the head of the table, with CHoW standing behind him.
“The Imperial Senate,” Phazon grins. “Will no longer be of any concern to us. Emperor Avatar has dissolved the council, permanently.”
Crunch gasps, astounded. “Impossible! How will the Emperor maintain control without bureaucracy?”
“The regional governor now have direct control over the territories. Fear will keep the local system in line – fear of this battle station.” Phazon smirked, crossing his hands.
“What about the rebels!?” Crunch demands. “They have the plans! If they study them... they could discover a weakness!”
“Nonsense.” Lucky shook his head. “This Battle Station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.”
“'Ultimate Power'? As if. Don't think this technological terror is anything special next to the power of the Flan.” CHoW butted in.
“Don't try to scare ME with your sorcery, Chower-head. Your voodo hasn't helped you conjure up those stolen tapes, or opened a magical portal to the rebel base.....”
CHoW twitches, then he jumps forward, activates a crimson lightsaber and cut's Lucky in two. The other governors all jump back away from the now-dead leprechaun.
“I just had the carpets cleaned in here...” Phazon sighed. “Look, this bickering is pointless! Obviously CHoW is a total psychopath, but the Emperor trusts him so we'd be best to just sit back and let him find the rebel base.”
Teh Cantina sits in the middle of Mos Eisley Space Port. It was loaded to the brim with aliens of all kinds, some human in appearance and some like monsters or animals. As they started inside, a machine on the walls went off and the bartender looked up.
“Hey, no droids in here.” He snapped.
Spoonobi looked to the two, Taz2 and Bender, and sighed. “You better wait outside. We don't need any trouble.”
Bender grumbled about not being near the booze, but Taz2 shrugged, opened the hatch and climbed out of the R2 Unit. Then she closed the hatch, folded up the unit and handed it to Bender. “Hang on to that, okay?”
To which Bender replied. “What are you?”
Taz2 shrugged. “There's going to be a lot of unexplained things happen, let's not read too much into them, okay?”
The Bending Unit shrugged and left the bar. Taz2 followed behind Kimi and Spoonobi, both of whom took her advice and just didn't worry about this sort of thing. The three hurried to the bar and sat down, but quickly Spoonobi excused himself to go look for a suitable pilot, leaving Kimi and Taz2 to their selves.
For a while the two sat and chatted merrily; neither of them took notice of the two men in black coats who sat down next to them. One man had dark hair and the other had blue skin and wild blue hair. When Kimi finally looked to her left and spotted the blue-skinned man, she yelped and jumped back.
“SHARK! Holy crap, who expected a shark on a desert planet?” Kimi was shocked.
“My friend doesn't like you.” The dark-haired man growled. The shark-looking fellow pushed Kimi in the shoulder.
“I'm sorry.” Kimi whispered.
“I don't like you either.” The dark-haired man added. “You better watch out; we're wanted men! I slaughtered my entire family when I was a teenager, and he's a shark!”
“I'll be careful.” Kimi gulped.
“You'll be dead!” The dark-haired man shouted, and his shark-faced companion reached for her. Suddenly there was a buzzing sound like a bee and a bright blue blade of light sliced right through the arm of the shark-faced man, sending it flying across the room.
Obi-Wan Spoonobi was standing between Kimi and the shark-man, his lightsaber active and burning. The shark-man yelled and screamed and clutched his arm where the hand had once been. His dark-haired companion picked up the severed body part and led his partner away into the crowd.
Kimi and Taz2 both looked shocked by what they had just seen.
“WHOA! That was great! When do I get a lightsaber?” Kimi quickly asked.
Spoonobi shook his head. “After that reaction, you're not getting a lightsaber till I'm dead.”
“Careful what you wish for.” Taz2 warned prophetically.
“That was pretty sweet.”
Kimi and Taz2 exchanged glances of surprise at the new voice. A tall guy with a full head of hair had just appeared. Actually, the hair wasn't just on his head – it was everywhere. He also had a crossbow on his back.
“Ah, yes. Chewvenger here is First Mate on a ship that might suit our needs.” Spoonobi explained, introducing their guest.
“What's up?” Chewvenger asked, nodding to both girls.
Kimi rubbed her eyes. “You're a wookie!”
“What? Noooooo. No, no, no.” Chewvenger quickly replied. “Not a wookie. Funny story... we were smuggling some hair growth formula for the Hutts, when a Imperial Cruiser came too close by and knocked us into a tailspin. The crate broke and – BAM. Instantly furball. Han bet me a thousand bucks I couldn't go a year without shaving it all off.”
Taz2 shook her head. “That's pretty immature.”
“Yeah, but it's funny.” Kimi snickered.
“Erm... Chewvenger.” Spoonobi's face suddenly had a look of concern on it. “When you say 'Han'... that's not the same Han who you just tried to convince me I should hire as our space pilot, is it?”
Chewvenger sweat dropped. “Whoops... Uhh... Yeah, but just hear me out. He's a buffoon, but he's also a great pilot... and our ship is the fastest in the galaxy!”
Kimi Cakeeater kicked back on her barstool and yawned. “I'll remind you, we already HAVE a pretty good pilot.”
Spoonobi sighed. “And I'll remind YOU; we don't have a ship... plus you're not old enough to drive.”
Kimi crossed her arms. “I drove the sandspeeder!”
“You ran over those Sand Kids!”
“Only because I wasn't paying attention!”
Spoonobi, always the diplomat, sighed and tried to find some agreement. “Fine... let's meet with this Space Captain, and if you seem more reliable than him, we'll buy a ship and you can fly us there yourself. Agreed?”
Kimi sighed. “Whatever.”
Chewvenger led the droid-girl, the farm-girl and the hermit-spoon towards the far end of the bar. There sat a man with wild hair and a leather vest. Spoonobi and Kimi sat across from him at the table, while Chewvenger and Taz2 pulled up extra chairs.
“You're a pilot?” Kimi asked skeptically.
“That's right. Han Sama. And you are?” He replied.
“In need of a good pilot and a fast ship.” Spoonobi replied. He put his hands together in front of him and sat quizzical for a moment, as if sizing up the pilot and his first mate. After a pause he asked them a question. “Do you have a fast ship?”
Sama coughed and almost fell out of his chair. “Fast ship? You never heard of the Aluminum Potato?”
“No...” Spoonobi blinked.
“Aluminum Potato? Are you SERIOUS?” Kimi's jaw drop. “What part of that name is supposed to convey speed?”
Sama shook his head. “Hey kid, everyone knows aluminum is the fastest of all metals; and likewise, potatoes are considered the speediest of all fruits.”
“Potatoes are vegetables.” Kimi replied.
“No... I'm pretty sure they're fruit.” Sama insisted.
“Vegetable!”
“Fruit!”
“Vegetable!”
“Fruit!”
“VEGETABLE!”
“FRUIT!”
Taz2 shook her head. “I don't think we should let either of them drive.”
“You may be right...” Spoonobi sighed, setting his head in his hand.
Sama leaned back and put his hands behind his head lazily. “Look, I can get you wherever you need to go quicker than anybody. And since you look like nice folks... I'll only charge you 20 bigs ones.”
Kimi's jaw dropped. “Twenty bucks? Okay, that's suspiciously good.” She crossed her arms.
“What? No! Twenty THOUSAND.” Sama replied quickly.
Once again, Kimi's jaw dropped. This time no sound came out of her mouth, she was at a total loss for words. Finally she found them. “Thousand? We can get a used ship for half of that!”
“Yeah, but whose going to fly it kid, you?” Sama asked with a raised brow.
“You bet I will! I'm not a bad pilot myself, come on, we don't have to listen to this--” Kimi started to stand up, but Spoonobi put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her right back down.
“We can pay you one thousand now... and twenty-nine when we get there.” Spoonobi said in a firm voice.
“Thirty?” Chewvenger said with a grin. Sama was drooling, until Chewvenger noticed and punched him in the arm, causing him to shake his head for a minute and then come back into the conversation.
“You've got a deal. The Potato is in docking bay 94, we can leave when you're ready.” Sama nodded. Then he motioned to the other side of the bar. “Looks like the Imperials are taking an interest in your handy-work... heheh... get it? 'Handy-work'? Cause you cut off that guy's arm...”
Kimi, Taz2 and Spoonobi all looked behind them to see a Imperial trooper interviewing the dark-haired man and the now one-armed shark-person.
“We'll meet you at the docking bay.” Spoonobi said. “Come along...” He, Kimi and Taz2 quickly exited out the side door.
Sama was grinning as he turned to Chewvenger. “Did you hear that!? Thirty thousand! This is going to save my ass! Go to the ship, get her ready, and let's get out of here!”
Chewvenger nodded, grabbed his drink and headed out the same side exit that the Jedi, Droid-girl and farm-kid headed out of. Sama happily started to stroll out as well, but he was stopped by a blue-haired man in a white coat.
“Going somewhere, Han Sama?”
“Yes Legato, as a matter of fact I was just going to see your boss. Tell him I've got his money.”
Sama sits down across from Legato, who has a evil smile on his face.
“It's too late. You should have paid him when you had the chance. He put a price on your head so large, every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you. I'm just glad I found you before Cojo Fett did.” Legato smirked.
“Yeah, but this time I've got the money.” Sama explained.
“Hmm... if you give it to me, I might forget I found you.” Legato grinned.
Sama sighed. “I don't have it with me! Tell your boss --”
“You can tell him yourself. Maybe he'll just take your ship.” Legato replied.
Sama narrowed his eyes. “I'd have to be dead. Dead and buried.”
“I was hoping you'd say that...” Legato smiled, flashing a dangerous eye. “I'll enjoy this.”
“Me too.” Sama grinned; then a shot rang out and a laser fired from beneath the table, striking Legato in the head. He fell over on the table, dead.
CHoW sighed and leaned against the wall, his hands behind his head. Phazon was standing before him and he did not look amused.
“She wouldn't talk?” Phazon asked, to confirm.
“Nope.” CHoW replied. “And I tried everything. Jedi Mind Trick, offering her a dollar, telling her if she told me I'd let her go, I even offered her a double mocha with whipped cream if she told me where the rebel base was, but nothing.”
Phazon sighed and shook his head. “I knew I should have had Darth Bauer interrogate her instead. Oh well, there's other ways to make a princess talk. Set a course for her home planet.”
After a trip to gather a few supplies, Spoonobi quickly leads the girls to docking bay 94. Once there they find Chewvenger waiting for them at the gate. He waves them over hurriedly and leads them into a huge dirt pit that is docking bay. Resting in the middle of the huge hole is a large, round, beat-up, pieced-together hunk of junk that could only loosely be called a starship.
“That's it? That... that... abomination of modern machinery is your ship?” Kimi gasped, her mouth agape and her eyes lit up with disappointment and horror.
The tall figure of Han Sama comes down the boarding ramp, unamused. “She's the fastest ship in the known universe. She may not look like much, but she has speed like you wouldn't believe. I've ever made some special modifications myself.”
He rapped on the side of the Potato and a small compartment opened up to reveal a treadmill. On that treadmill was a rolled up ball of blue quills. It stirred, then unfurled to reveal a hedgehog.
GoldenSama - January 1, 2008 10:21 AM (GMT)
“Hey, Han! Where's my chilly dogs? I'm not powering this hunk of junk for free, ya know.”
“Yeah, yeah, I got 'em in the ice box. You'll get some for dinner IF we don't get caught by the empire.” Sama replied, then he quickly closed up the compartment and turned back to Spoonobi, Cakeeater and Taz2.
Spoonobi shook his head. “I'm starting to have second thoughts about hiring this guy.”
“Two words: Space Taxi. It'll take us longer to get there, but...” Taz2 said.
“Hey, we're a little rushed for time, so if you'll hurry aboard we'll get out of here.” Sama interrupted and quickly hurried them all onto the ship. Just as he started up the ramp behind them, a laser hit the side of the Potato's ramp next to his head. He turned around to see a trio of stormtroopers hurrying their direction.
Sama draws his blaster and pops off a couple of shot before he quickly boards the ship and closes the ramp behind him. Kimi poked her head out the window to see the troopers coming after them. Just as Han reaches his seat, Chewvenger hits a button and the ship lifts off the ground.
The Aluminum Potato takes off into the skies, avoiding a few laser blasts from the troopers as they fly into the blue sky above. After a few moments, the sky of blue becomes the blackness of space, and they leave Tatooine behind.
However, as they begin to fly into the distance, a dark shape appears behind them. A Imperial Starship, ten times the size of the Potato, has just appeared and is following them. Laser beams fire at the Potato, hitting it occasionally and tossing the funky spaceship around like a cork in a swimming pool.
Kimi, Spoonobi and Taz2 cram into the control room with Sama and Chewvenger.
“Why don't you outrun them? I thought you said this ship was fast!” Kimi complained.
“Watch your mouth kid or we'll use you as a torpedo.” Sama snapped back. “We'll be safe enough once we go into hyperspace.”
Spoonobi silently exchanged worried glances with Taz2.
The ship begins to rock even more violently as lasers hit it on a more frequent basis. Red lights begin flashing and Taz2 backs up against the wall.
“How long before we get into hyperspace?” Spoonobi asked.
“Just a few minutes. Relax!” Sama tried to calm the passengers down.
“A few MINUTES!? We'll be fried in SECONDS!” Kimi shouted back at him.
Chewvenger shook his head. “She's right Han, we're going to die. I had a good life. Getting turned into a shag carpet was a drag, but at least I can blame you for that.”
“I said relax!” Han hits a button and suddenly in the compartment below them a chilly dog tied to a string falls in front of the face of the hedgehog. He jumps up and begins chasing it, but because of the conveyor belt beneath him no matter how fast he moves he can't reach it. The stars streak by outside and the Potato flies off a thousand times faster than the Imperial Ship.
In a large room loaded with computer systems and Stormtroopers, Grand Moff Phazon stands by a giant glass window. He turns his head as a door opens and CHoW walks in, flanked by Stormtroopers. Princess Rose is also with them, handcuffs around her wrists.
“Governor Phazon. I expected you'd be the one holding ChoW's leash. Only a tyrant could employ such a foul beast.” Princess Rose snapped.
“Charming as ever. You have no idea how hard it was for me to order your execution.” Phazon quips.
“I'm surprised you had courage enough to sign the order yourself!” She replied coldly.
CHoW yawned. “And I'm surprised that I can't sense ANYTHING familiar about you. I mean, 'Master of the Force'... and yet, nothing. I'm in total darkness till the third act.”
“Princess Rose, before your execution I would like to invite you to be our guest for a special little show. A ceremony that marks the beginning of this battle station being fully operational. No star system will dare argue with Emperor Avatar now.” Phazon smirked.
The Princess shook her head. “The more you threaten, the more evil you spread... the more people who will rise up to fight you and your Emperor. You can kill me, you can quash my rebellion... but another will rise up to take our place. And another after that. The people will never stop fighting your evil until they are free from your tyranny.”
“That was dramatic. I'm bored; let's start the fireworks.” CHoW complained.
“Patience Dark Lord,” Phazon replied, then he turned his eyes to Rose. “Princess, you claim that the people will rise against us always... but after they see what this battle station can do, they will realize that being led by the Empire is better than the alternative. And since you refuse to give us the location of the rebel base... the planet we've chosen to destroy first is your own home world.”
Rose gasped. “No! We're a peaceful planet, we don't have any weapons!”
“You want another target? A military target? Then tell us where the rebels are!” Phazon demands, taking a step towards Rose. He narrows his eyes. “I'm getting tired asking you, so this will be the last time. Where is the Rebel Base?”
Rose lowers her head and softly whispers. “. . . Dantooine. They're on Dantooine.”
“See Lord CHoW, she can be reasonable. Now, let's have those fireworks.” Phazon smirked evilly.
“What!? No!” Rose gasped.
“Don't worry your highness; Dantooine is remote and isolated. Not effective for a demonstration. But we'll destroy your rebel friends soon enough.” Phazon grinned and turned to the window. CHoW put on a pair of sunglasses and grinned.
In the bowels of the Death Star, a green light begins to burn. It suddenly turns to a cone of light and fires down a long, narrow passageway. The emerald green beam flies towards the home world of the princess and strikes it the middle, causing a massive explosion that reduces the planet to dust. Rose turns away in disgust.
“WOOHOO!” CHoW yells happily. “Now THAT'S fireworks, baby!”
In the central hold area of the Aluminum Potato, Spoonobi is standing in a corner. In front of him is Kimi, who is holding a blue lightsaber. A small floating orb is soaring around her head, shooting small lasers at her. Chewvenger and Taz2 are sitting in the corner playing a chess-like game.
All at once, Spoonobi stops and takes a few steps back and sits down.
Kimi looks over to him. “Are you all right?”
Spoonobi rubs his forehead. “I felt a great disturbance in the Force. Like millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and then all at once stopped. Something terrible has happened.”
Spoonobi rubs his head again, he almost seems to be in a trance. Then he shakes his head. “You better get back to training.”
The door opens and Han Sama walks into the room.
“Well, we won't have any more troubles with those Imperial ships. Told you I'd get us out of there.” He pauses, leaning against the wall. Kimi is practicing again, Spoonobi is rubbing his head and Chewvenger and Taz2 completely ignore him still enamored in their game.
“... Don't everybody thank me at once.” Sama muttered. He walks over to Kimi's side and watches her fight the small floating droid with her lightsaber. The droid fires again and it hits her in the arm, causing her to drop her guard.
“Remember, a Jedi feels the force flowing through them. You have to control it; don't let it control you.” Spoonobi said wisely.
“Yeah, and don't forget to wear your lucky rabbit's foot and stick a four-leaf clover in your hair.” Sama rolled his eyes.
“You don't believe in the Force, do you?” Kimi asked.
“Kid, I've flown all across this galaxy. I've seen aliens, monsters and politicians. I've never seen anything that makes me think there's some magical 'force' that controls my destiny.” Sama replied, leaning back in a chair.
“It's kind of ironic that you'd be the saber-less skeptic.” Kimi nodded.
“Yeah, funny how that works out.” Sama replied.
Spoonobi smiles quietly. “Do it again Kimi. This time, wearing this.”
He plops a helmet down on her head, flipping down the blast shield so that she can't see a thing. Then he takes a step back and crosses his arms.
“... Yeah, how am I supposed to fight when I can't see?” Kimi asked.
“I once knew a girl who could move boulders with her feet; and she was blind! You can block one little laser. Use the Force.” Spoonobi told her.
“Yes, use the force. And while you're at it, see if you can use your magic to give me perfect hair.” Sama chimed in.
Kimi stands in one place, seemingly frozen. The small orb floats to her side and makes a dive at her – but amazingly, Kimi blocks it. The ball ceases fire and moves away.
“You see,” Spoonobi grinned. “You can do it.”
“I call it luck.” Sama replied.
“You don't believe in the Force... I don't believe in luck.” Spoonobi replied.
“Look,” Sama smirked. “Good against remotes is one thing. Good against the living? That's a whole other ballgame.”
A small light flashes and Chewvenger jumps up. “Yo, we're coming up on the planet now.”
Chewvenger and Sama hurry back to the control room.
“You know... I did feel something.” Kimi piped up. “Almost like I could see it.”
On the Death Star, Grand Moff Phazon and CHoW are sitting around a black table when a stormtrooper walks in and salutes them both. Then he coughs.
“Sirs... we investigated the planet Dantooine... we found the remains of a Rebel base, but it's estimated the base has been abandoned for quite some time.”
Phazon slammed his fist on the table. “She lied to us!”
CHoW kicked back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. “I told you, she'd never betray the rebels... but 'noooooooooooooo'. You just had to be right.”
Phazon threw a pen at the Sith Lord and then turned to the stormtrooper. “Have her executed. Immediately!”
In the control room of the Aluminum Potato, Han Sama and Chewvenger sit in their seats. Both are watching with anticipation as the stars streak by the windows. Sama pulls a lever and suddenly the ship comes out of hyperspace – and is bombarded by debris.
“Whoa!” Sama yelps as a chunk of rock hits the window.
“That can't be good.” Chewvenger sarcastically observes.
“What the...? Aw, Potatoes! We've come out of hyperspace into some kind of asteroid belt! Does my luck EVER improve!?” He gripes.
Kimi comes bouncing into the room, trying not to fall down from the shaking of the Aluminum Potato. “Are you drunk, or just incompetent!?”
“It's not my fault! The planet's not there!” Sama snapped back.
“What do you mean? Where is it!?” Kimi complained as she sat down behind the two.
Chewvenger shook his head. “It's gone. It's been totally blown away.”
“What? How?” Kimi gasped.
“Destroyed.” Spoonobi enters the control room and steps behind Kimi as the ship finally begins to settle down. “By the Empire.”
“Impossible! It'd take a thousand ships with more firepower than I've ever seen...” Sama trailed off as a light began to blink.
“A ship's coming in.” Chewvenger said, looking at the radar. “Imperial, from the shape of it.”
“Alright! Get ready to shoot 'em out of the skies.” Sama grinned, obviously the trigger-happy type.
There is a small explosion outside the window of the Potato. A small imperial ship shaped like |-o-| that flies by the Potato, streaking off into Space. Sama jumps onto the controls to follow it.
“That's a short range fighter... it can't have gotten out here on it's own.” Spoonobi muttered.
Kimi shrugged. “It might have gotten lost.”
“Well, wherever it came from, it won't be around to tell anyone about us.” Sama promised as he took aim.
“Hey!” Kimi pointed out the window. “Looks like it's heading for that small moon.”
“I can get him first.” Sama bragged.
As they follow the TIE Fighter, they come closer and closer to the small moon... which is slowly looking more and more like metal. Spoonobi's eyes widen.
“That's no moon. It's a space station.” Spoonobi warns.
“Now whose the drunk one? That's way too big to be a space station.” Sama replies.
“... I'm getting a baaaad feeling about this.” Kimi gulped.
“Yeah... yeah, I think you're right.” Sama said as they came even closer. “Full reverse! 'Venger, lock in auxiliary power!”
The Potato shudders and as it does the TIE Fighter ahead of them accelerates towards the gargantuan battle station.
“Why are we still moving towards it?” Kimi asked, a hint of worry mixed among the annoyance in her voice.
“We're caught in a tractor beam!” Chewvenger yelled out.
“Can't you do anything!?” Kimi asked again, sounding even more annoyed.
“There's nothin' I can do about it. I'm in full power. I'm going to have to shut down... they're not getting me without a fight!” Sama declared.
Spoonobi puts a hand on his shoulder. “You can't win. However, there is... another way.”
“Yes?” Phazon answered a intercom buzz to some surprising news.
“Sir, we've captured a ship that was heading towards Alderaan. It matches the marks of a ship that blasted it's way out of Tatooine earlier.”
CHoW grinned. “Sounds like the stolen plans found me. Hehehe... they're obviously trying to return them to the Princess. She may be useful still. Better stall that execution, eh boss?”
Phazon narrowed his eyes. “Very well. Then YOU can check it out, can't you?” He grinned.
CHoW glared.
When CHoW arrived in the hanger he found the Aluminum Potato surrounded by thirty stormtroopers, all with their rifles trained on the ship. The officer ran up to CHoW and saluted.
“Sir. We checked the ship, there was no one on board. According to the log, the crew abandoned ship right after takeoff.”
“Did you find a R2 unit?” CHoW demanded.
“No sir. If there was one on board, she must have also jettisoned.”
“Send a scanning crew on board. Search every inch of that ship.” CHoW paused. “I sense something... a presence I haven't felt since...”
CHoW quickly turns and exits the hanger. He is suddenly no longer in a joking mood.
The officer takes a few stormtroopers with him and they hurry onto the Potato. There is a faint sound of blasters.
Inside the Aluminum Potato, Spoonobi stands over the fallen Stormtroopers. He seems to be deep in thought. Meanwhile, Han Sama leans against the wall, while Kimi Cakeeater and Taz2-Z2 are in the center of the hallway. Chewvenger is against the far wall.
“Boy, it's lucky you had those hidden compartments in the floor.” Kimi nodded.
“Yeah... I use them for smuggling. Never thought I'd be smuggling myself. This is ridiculous! Even if I could take off, we'd be blasted apart in minutes – and those tractor beams are a pain.” Sama complained.
“I'll disable the tractor beam.” Spoonobi suddenly said, looking up.
“Damn fool. I knew you'd say something like that.” Sama sighed.
“Who's the more foolish... the fool with a plan, or the fool who calls a guy with a lightsaber a fool?”
“Good point.” Sama gulped. He shakes his head and mutters to himself. Chewvenger just shrugs.
A officer in a small office overlooking the hanger is listening to his iPod, while another officer is watching the Potato through the window. Suddenly a transmission comes in from one of the stormtroopers who went aboard the ship.
“Hey, we're having some transmission problems. You guys mind bringing us a new one?”
The officer yawns. “Yeah, on the way.” He grabs a transmitter from the desk, but as he approaches the door and it opens, he comes face to face with the fuzzy Chewvenger, who is holding a crossbow. He fires and quickly takes the officer down. The other officer jumps up to signal for help, but a stormtrooper enters the room and blasts him.
Another stormtrooper enters the room and takes off her helmet to reveal herself as Kimi Cakeeater. “YEAH, just shoot some GUNS why don'tcha? We're not trying to be QUIET or anything!”
“All the yelling helps.” The trooper who shot took off his helmet, revealing that he is Han Sama.
“Enough.” Spoonobi enters the room, followed by Taz2 who is now in her droid costume again. “See if you can get anything off the computers.”
“Okay!” Taz2 nods, she drives over to a computer, lowers the hood of the droid uniform and then plugs a small metal tube into the side of the computer. “... Yep! The main computer to the tractor beams are on the seventh floor. If you get up there and pull the plug, we can get out of here.”
Spoonobi nods. “I don't need any help. You should all stay put.”
“Whatever you say. I've done more than I bargained for already.” Sama groans as he plops down in the officer's chair and picks up his iPod.
“I want to come too.” Kimi quickly said, stepping forward.
“Patience, Kimi. Your time will come... for now, you must guard Taz2.” Spoonobi rejected the idea of her coming along.
“But Sama can--”
“If Taz2 is captured, we lose our only weapon. By now, it's clear to me that the secret plans she carries must be for this Battle Station. If we don't deliver the plans, other star systems will be destroyed.” Spoonobi pats her on the head and then hurries out the door.
Kimi crosses her arms and sighed.
“Man... where'd you dig up that weirdo?” Chewvenger asks.
“Ben's a great man.” Kimi defended.
“Great at getting us into trouble.” Sama quipped.
Kimi shot back: “I didn't hear you coming up with any ideas.”
“Pft. Anything's better than hanging around here.” Sama complained.
“She's here!” Taz2 suddenly yelled loudly, attracting the attention of the others to her.
“Who?” Kimi blinked.
“Princess Rose!” Taz2 replied happily.
“The Princess!?” Kimi gasped.
Sama's ears perked up. “Princess? Whoa, whoa, whoa... somebody fill me in.”
Chewvenger groaned. “Oi. No getting any ideas. Last time we tried to save a princess we almost got killed... although the ending was funny.” He chuckled.
“That transmission said 'Princess has been kidnapped by Bowser',” Sama complained. “How was I to know 'Princess' was the name of a friggin' cat?!”
“Well this Princess is human.” Taz2 exclaimed. “I know her! She's in trouble, and she needs our help!”
“Where is she?” Sama asked, looking hopeful.
“Detention Block level A; super-high security division.” Taz2 replied sheepishly.
Sama's face fell. “DETENTION BLOCK? Well, so much for THAT idea.”
“What do you mean?” Kimi demanded. “You were all gun-ho for a adventure a minute ago!”
“Marching into a detention center isn't my idea of an adventure. Sounds more like suicide.” Sama replied bitterly.
“But they're going to kill her!” Kimi snapped back.
“And that's a shame, but my motto is: 'better her than me'.” Sama shook his head.
“Yep, so, let's not discuss this any more.” Chewvenger gulped; he did not want to march off on a suicide mission, which is why he knew he had to change the subject.
“She's a princess! Rich, powerful, you'd get a huge reward for saving her!” Kimi replied.
“Huge reward, you say?” Sama spun back around in his chair. “Like... a crate of Orange Cream Soda!?”
Kimi blinked. “um... sure.”
“HOT DAMN!” Sama jumped up. “Let's go! A suicide mission is a small price to pay for the delicious flavor of Orange Cream Soda!”
“HAN!” Chewvenger slapped him in the back of the head. “Hate to point this out, but I hate being killed even more so I will... her planet is the one that blew up. She's no longer rich and has no power.”
Sama sighed and sat back down. “Bummer.”
Taz2 pleased: “So you're just going to sit here while a noble, cute princess who just had her entire planet blown up is executed?”
Sama paused, Chewvenger held his breath... then the smuggler sighed.
“I know I'll likely die, or be eaten, or in some other way get killed for this decision... but, let's go rescue her.” He jumped up.
“You had to throw 'cute' in there, didn't you?” Chewvenger crossed his arms. Taz2 sticks out her tongue. Kimi, meanwhile, grabs a pair of handcuffs.
“Hey... 'venger, put these on.” Kimi starts towards him. He jumps back and gets a serious look on his face.
“Oh no! No handcuffs for me!” He growled.
“Don't worry 'venger, I think I know what she has in mind.” Sama replied.
Chewvenger shot him a dark look. “That makes me worry even more.”
“Obi-Wan Spoonobi? Surely he must be dead by now.” Grand Moff Phazon was sitting at his desk when CHoW burst in the room and explained the presence he'd felt from the Potato.
“No... he's alive. And I owe him one for the time he brought my pregnant wife to a remote planet where she died, and then he cut off my arms and legs and left me in a river of burning magma while flames ate away at my skin.” CHoW replied.
Phazon blinked. “That's... um... wow. Okay, so... Yeeeeah... good luck with all THAT.”
Two stormtroopers escort Chewvenger down the hallway, while the purple R2 Unit follows behind them. They arrive in the detention security area where the guards quickly jump up. One of the guards has tall black hair and the other is blond.
“Where are you taking this... thing.” The blond guard asked.
“Prisoner transfer, from, um... upstairs.” A stormtrooper says in Kimi's voice.
“I wasn't notified.” Imperial Officer Vegeta replies. “I'll have to check it with upstairs.”
“Um... no, no, our R2 unit can confirm it.” Sama the Stormtrooper says.
The blond looks at the R2 Unit. “Is that true?”
“Yep.” Taz2 replies.
“Hey... wasn't Lord CHoW talking about a purple R2 earlier?” Vegeta asked the other officer.
“Yeah...” The blond replied.
“OF COURSE! I'm... er... his little sister.” Taz2 quickly lied. “So you better let us through, or I'll tell him you disobeyed his orders.”
Vegeta and the blond both gulp and quickly unlock the door. “We'll just... leave you in command.” They both hurry out of the room.
Sama removes his helmet and sits at the chair, reading a chart. “Looks like this princess is in cell... huh, 1-A. That's original. Anyway, you go get her, I'll wait here.”
Kimi nods and runs down the hallway until she comes to 1-A... which for some reason is at the very back of the cell block. She opens the door and enters to find the pink-clad princess sitting on her bench.
“Aren't you kind of short for a stormtrooper?” Princess Rose asked.
“Oh, the uniform!” Kimi took off her helmet. “I'm Kimi Cakeeater, I'm here to rescue you! I'm with Taz2 and Ben Spoonobi and a couple of bums we met in a bar.”
“BEN SPOONOBI!?” Princess Rose gasped and ran across the room in lightning speed. “Where is he!?”
Officer Vegeta opened the door to Grand Moff Phazon's room, where the Moff and the Sith Lord were still debating the presence of Spoonobi.
“Sorry to intrude sir, but... well, that droid you were talking about was very rude to me, and I find it wrong that a mere droid would threaten me, a officer.” He said in a very matter-of-fact manner.
“What are you talking about?” CHoW blinked.
“That purple droid... the one you keep blabbing about... your sister...” Vegeta replied.
“WHAT!? A PURPLE DROID!?” CHoW roared and jumped forward. “Where? WHERE!?”
Vegeta gulped and back up. “T-The detention center... she said...”
“The Princess!?” Phazon jumped up and glared, making Vegeta even more nervous.
“Obi-Wan is here, and The Force is with him.” CHoW growled. “I'm going after him!”
Back in the detention center, Han Sama and Chewvenger are playing cards on the desk when the door opens. It's Darth CHoW, looking furious.
“SWEET POTATOES!” Sama yelped as he jumped across the room.
Just as he jumped back, the Princess and Kimi emerged from the hallway.
“Where's Spoonobi!?” Princess Rose asked. Then she spotted CHoW. “Oh... probably shouldn't have said that.”
CHoW glared. “SPOONOBI IS HERE! And you, who are you punks!?”
Sama jumped up. “Hey droid-girl, any way out of here?”
“Garbage hatch.” Taz2 replied instantly, since she IS carrying the plans for the whole base.
Sama aimed his blaster at the wall, blew a hole in the barred hatch and then waved to the others to go for it. Kimi and Princess Rose ran over and dove through, followed by Taz2 who was forced to abandon her robot suit and return it to her pocket once more. Chewvenger shook his head, but Han pushed him in. He turned to jump, but CHoW spoke up.
“Hold on! You can't just run away!” He growled.
“Then you should have stopped us.” Sama stuck out his tongue and jumped into the garbage hatch. As he tumbled down he realized this might not have been his cleanest get away. Then, in fitting punishment for even thinking of such a lame pun, he landed right in a pile of sludge.
“Well, this is great.” Princess Rose said, looking around as she wiped some sludge from her shoe. “Whose bright idea was it to wind up in a trash compactor!?”
“Would you rather be back in your cell?” Sama crossed his arms.
“It could be worse.” Princess Rose sighed, leaning against the wall. Something moves through the sludge at their feet.
“It's worse.” Sama sighs.
“Something is alive in here.” Kimi gulps, taking a step back.
“And it's not friendly...” Chewvenger backs up.
“Hey, I'm very friendly. If you've got booze.” From out of the sludge rose a tall robot.
“B-Bender? What happened to you?” TAz2 asked.
“Eh, after you all forgot about me on Tatooine I got captured by the Empire. They tortured me, that was fun, but when they found out I didn't have the plans they just threw me away. I was lying in some sludge... I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.” Bender crossed his arms.
“Oh. Well, that's not so bad.” Sama blinked.
“Can you get us out of here?” Princess Rose asked.
Bender sighed. “Humans always asking for favors... yeah, okay.”
He walked over to the door, twisted the knob, and it opened. Sama fell over with a sweat drop and Kimi's jaw almost hit her feet.
“The door... was... unlocked.” Kimi was very quiet from this revelation.
All at once, a giant monster burst forth from beneath the sludge. It looks like a squid, but much bigger and with one gigantic red eye in in middle of it's head.
“WHOA!” Kimi yelped and jumped back. She grabbed her blasted and shot the monster in the eye, causing it to roar wildly. Everyone quickly ran out the door into the hallway.
Once in the hall, Chewvenger panted. “That... was... messed... up.”
“At least it's dead.” Sama replied, then he shot into the garbage door just to make sure. Princess Rose grabbed his gun.
“They'll hear you! Listen, I don't know who you are, or where you came from, but from now on, you do as I tell you. Okay?” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Look, your worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight; I take orders from one person: ME!”
“It's amazing you're still alive.” She replied.
GoldenSama - January 1, 2008 10:22 AM (GMT)
In a deep trench of the Death Star's inner core, a officer and two troopers are standing around gabbing about spaceships. Unknown to them, behind their backs Ben Spoonobi moves through a small pathway to a computer, which he quickly sticks a magnet to the side off; powering down the tractor beams.
Not long later, Kimi Cakeeater, Taz2-Z2, Han Sama, Chewvenger, Princess Rose and Bender arrive in a small corridor. They look down below them through a window to see the hunk-o-junk spaceship.
“We're almost there.” Kimi sighed in relief.
Princess Rose taps Sama on the shoulder. “You came in THAT? You're braver than I thought.”
“Nice! Come on.” Sama shot a dirty look and then the group ran off down the hallway. As they run, they cross a corner to see a group of twenty Imperial stormtroopers standing in the next room.
“... From now on, you're not allowed to led us anywhere.” Kimi snapped to Sama.
The group spun around and ran down the hall as the stormtroopers followed behind them, shooting randomly. Sama and Chewvenger stop, spin around and start shooting back at them, making the troopers run backwards. Now they begin chasing them while Kimi, Rose, Taz2 and Bender run down a different path.
“They certainly are brave!” Princess Rose noted.
“What good does it do us if they get killed?” Kimi shook her head.
Sama chases the stormtroopers down a long sub hallway. He is yelling and brandishing his laser pistol. The troops reach a dead end and are forced to turn and fight. Han stops a few feet from them and assumes a defensive position. The troops begin to raise their laser guns.
Soon all ten troopers are moving into an attack position in front of the starpirate and his first mate. Han's determined look begins to fade as the troops begin to advance. Sama jumps backward as they fire at him and Chewvenger grabs a grenade from his belt and tosses it at them; the explosion destroys them all.
Kimi, Rose, Taz2 and Bender came to the end of the hallway to find a startling reality – they are stuck on a narrow metal platform above a large drop. Behind them, stormtroopers hurry in their direction. Kimi hits a button on the controls by the door and it slams shut; but it slowly starts to open as the troopers use a similar button on the other side. In desperation, Kimi shoots the controls!
“That was great!” Princess Rose exclaimed.
“Except those controls also extend the bridge, and now we're trapped.” Taz2 coughed.
“Whoops...” Kimi coughed. “Times like this, I wish I could fly.”
Bender yawned. “Well, I can't help.”
“Wait, couldn't you extend your arms --”
“Nope.”
“-- and make a bridge...”
“Nope.”
“... By letting us walk on your back?”
Bender crossed his arms and looked at the Princess. “No way pinky. Not happening.”
Taz2 kicked the droid in the shin, pulled his head off and threw it to the other side of the bridge. Bender grumbled as his body extended his arms to get the head, and the three girls quickly jumped on the droid's back and crossed the gap. Bender pulled himself to the other side and screwed his head back into place.
“That was just rude.” Bender complains.
Ben Spoonobi hides in the shadows of a narrow passageway as several stormtroopers rush past him in the main hallway. He checks to make sure they're gone, then he runs down the hallway. As he does that, however, Darth CHoW appears on the far end.
He charged down the hallway after Spoonobi like a bat out of a belfry. As he reaches him, he activates a red lightsaber.
“Obi-Wan Spoonobi.” CHoW calls with anger in his voice.
Spoonobi slowly turns around, a blue saber cracking in his own hands. “Hello, Darth.”
“We meet again at last. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.” CHoW scoffed.
“Only a master of odd smells and ugly helmets.” Spoonobi quickly retorts.
The two stand staring at one another for several long moments. Then Spoonobi charged forward and drove a vicious slash at the helmet of the Sith Lord, but the strike was easily dodged and CHoW replied with a slash of his own, this one from the side.
Spoonobi blocked it, spun around and thrust his blade at the Dark Lord's chest; but CHoW avoided it with easy and slashed downward; Spoonobi blocked it and the two sabers hissed and cracked as the two warriors moved apart.
“Your powers are weak.” CHoW snapped.
“You can't win.” Spoonobi replied. “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
Han Sama and Chewvenger, their weapons in hand, lean back against a wall surveying the Hanger Bay. They watch the stormtroopers making rounds.
“Oi... looks like a rerun of the show we just lived through.” Sama groaned. Chewvenger shook his head and muttered something. A moment later, Kimi, Princess Rose, Taz2-Z2 and Bender run up to join them.
“What kept you?” Chewvenger asked.
“We ran into some old friends.” Taz2 shuddered.
“Is the ship okay?” Kimi asked, glancing at the Potato.
“Seems so. If we can get to it... just got to hope Mr. Jedi got the tractor beams disable.” Sama replied.
“It's our best chance.” Princess Rose noted.
“Our only chance.” Sama shook his head.
Meanwhile, CHoW and Ben Spoonobi continue their duel. As they cross their lightsabers together, lightning flashes with every impact. Troopers look on in interest as the Jedi Master and the Dark Lord of the Sith fight a stunning duel, full of colorful blocks and wild slashes. Suddenly, Kimi spots it from her vantage point.
“Look!” She yells loudly. The troopers instant turn around at the sound of her voice and start blasting. Princess Rose grabs a blaster from Han and starts shooting, while Chewvenger and the starpilot also blast away at the troopers. Taz2 and Bender hurry aboard the Potato to get things ready for takeoff.
Kimi watches as Spoonobi looks their way, watching the troops now converging on the Potato. He realizes he must make a choice, and he acts quickly. CHoW, however, uses his distraction to slash at him – but Spoonobi manages to deflect the blow and turn around swiftly.
He looks to Kimi and smiles, then he lifts his sword away from the red blade it faces and holds it skywards. CHoW waste no time in cutting him down, but as the cloak of old Spoonobi falls to the ground in two halves, his body is nowhere to be found. CHoW seems puzzled and kicks at the cloak.
“NO!” Kimi screams, which only puts extra focus on her from the Stormtroopers. Sama shakes his head and nods to Chewvenger, who picks up the farm girl and carries her onto the Potato. Sama closes the ramp and the door and runs to the control room to take a seat beside the Princess and the droids, who are already there.
“Let's hope the Jedi got those tractor beams disabled, or this will be the world's shortest flight.” He flips a few switches and the Potato takes off. Laser beams shoot from behind them, but the ship manages to escape away from the Death Star.
Or it would seem. Several TIE Fighters follow the Potato and open fire. Han curses under his breath and runs to one of the mounted guns, looking over his shoulder. “Hey Kimi, I could use some help!”
Kimi, still in shock over the death of Spoonobi, shakes her head and hurries to the other forward gun across a narrow hallway from Han.
The Potato flies away as the TIE's gain on it, but as the two pilots mount the guns they are quickly able to shoot them down. With a few small explosions, the Potato emerges victorious and sails away into the stars.
“Did they escape?” Phazon turns in his chair to face Darth CHoW, who was kneeling before his table.
“They have just made the jump into hyperspace.”
Phazon takes a deep breath. “You're sure the homing beacon is secure on the ship? We're taking an awful risk. Emperor's favorite servant or not, if this doesn't pay off, you're in for some serious consequences.”
“It will work.” CHoW reassures him.
Sama enters the Central Area of the Potato with a smile as he removes his gloves. Chewvenger is busy doing all the real work, checking the ship for damage. Han sits across from The Princess with his smirk in tact.
“Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.”
“That seems easy enough to do – considering they let us escape. It's the only way to explain how easily we got away.” Princess Rose rebutted.
“Easy? That was easy? I'd hate to see your idea of a BAD day.” Sama gulped.
Princess Rose rolled her eyes. “Their tracking us.”
“Not this ship, sister.” Sama replied at once.
Frustrated, Rose shook her head. “At least Taz2 still has the information.”
Sama raises an eyebrow. “What's so important, anyway?”
Rose looks back to him. “She's carrying a complete schematic of that battle station. I just hope when all is said and done, we can find some weakness.” She smirked. “It's not over yet.”
“It is for me! Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess.” Sama replied.
“That isn't what you said in the Death Star.” Chewvenger reminded him with a grin.
Sama glared. “That was before I met her. I expect to get well paid for this.”
Rose glares back with a even more intense glare; one so powerful it turns Sama's to mush. “If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive.” She angrily gets up and starts out of the room, just as Kimi walks in.
“Your friend is quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything... or anyone.”
Kimi blinks. “I care! I care about lots of things.”
Kimi shakes her head and sits in the co-pilot seat. “What did you say to get her so worked up?”
“Eh, something about not caring about her rebellion or her... which, in retrospective, might have been a tad harsh.” Sama coughed.
Kimi looks out the window and tries not to laugh. “That's... pretty bad.”
“Yeah... still... she's got a lot of spirit.” Sama admitted.
“OH NO.” Chewvenger, from behind them, groaned very loudly. “You can't seriously be thinking...”
Sama raises an eyebrow. “I don't know. What do you think? Do you think a princess and a guy like me...”
“No.” Chewvenger replied.
“Not a chance.” Kimi added.
“There's no possible way.” Taz2 chimed in.
“Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah... oh, you're serious?” Bender grinned.
“Not even if you were about to be frozen in carbonite.” Princess Rose stuck her head back in the room to say.
“Alright, alright! Just shuddap!” Sama snapped.
The Aluminum Potato finally makes it to the remote planet Yavin. It lands at a old native temple that has been converted into a military base, and the crew is met by the rebel alliance.
As they land, a tall man who is the commander of the rebel forces quickly runs over to join them.
“Excellent!” Vidit announces. “You're safe, Princess! When we heard about your planet, we feared the worst...”
“We don't have time to grieve, Commander. The Empire has tracked us here by now.” She shot a glance at Sama. “You must get Taz2 to a debriefing room so she can go over the plans with you all. We'll have to prepare for battle.”
In the Control Room of the Death Star, Grand Moff Phazon and Darth CHoW are talking when suddenly a intercom call interrupts them.
“Yes?” Phazon asks.
“We are approaching the planet Yavin. The rebel base is located there. We will soon arrive.”
“Excellent.”
In the rebel base located in the old temple, a briefing is underway. Commander Vidit stands at the front of the room with Princess Rose and Taz2 behind him. A giant hologram of the Death Star is above his head as he begins explaining.
“The battle station is heavily shielded and carries fire power that can blow up an entire planet. It's defenses are designed to repel a large-scale assault... however, a small one-man fighter may be able to slip through.”
“Pardon me, Commander, but what good is a fighter against THAT?” A pilot – Captain Tinmanti – asks with a raised brow.
“Well, the Empire doesn't consider a small ship a threat. Probably because they can blow up planets and it's the equivalent of a mosquito killing a dinosaur. Still, an analysis of the plans provided by Princess Rose shows a weakness... all we need is for a brave pilot to fly through a narrow passageway, lined with gun torrents. Outrun the numerous fighters that are likely to be there, and then drop a missile into a small, thermal vent that's only two meters wide, while traveling just under the speed of light.”
Captain Tinmanti blinked. “You must be crazy.”
“Naw, I could do that.” Kimi boasted. Tinmanti shot her a skeptic look. She replied by sticking out her tongue. “I COULD! Just try me.”
Vidit nods. “Alright. You'll go in with our squad. Now, let's get this show on the road, people.”
Near a X-Wing, Kimi is loaded up some supplies as she gets ready for the assault. A row of gleaming starships sit behind her as she watches the supplies and last-minute armaments being loaded onto all of the ships, including her own. She looks over to see Han and Chewvenger loading up.
“So, you're really just going to leave?” Kimi said with her hands on her hips.
“What good's a reward if you're not around to use it?” Sama replied.
Kimi shook her head. “Take care of yourself... I guess that's what you're best at!” She then stormed off angrily, until she found Commander Vidit and Princess Rose going on the last minute plans.
“What's wrong?” Rose asked, seeing the upset expression.
“Ben's dead, Han's a jerk and I'm about to go on what could be a suicide mission.” Kimi sighed gloomily. “Not exactly what I had in mind when I'd lay in the sand and dream about fighting the Empire.”
“Not as glamorous as it sounds, is it?” Commander Vidit shook his head. “Still, what you're doing is important. And as for it being a suicide mission... well, fail and we're all dead anyway, so don't let it bother you.”
Kimi gulped. “Gee... thanks.”
High in the skies, the rebel alliance's fleet of X-Wings flies towards the gigantic metal monster in the distance. The moon-sized Death Star takes most of the pilots by surprise, but they continue on none the less.
In the pit of her X-Wing, Kimi is thinking about the last twenty four hours. The daring rescue mission, the loss of her mentor and the surprising reaction of her so-called friends.
“You okay?” Taz2 asked, now once again in her droid suit and sitting in the rear of Kimi's X-Wing.
“Yeah... let's get busy.” Kimi nodded.
The X-Wing and the rest of it's squadron flew towards the Death Star. Naturally they were met by fierce resistance. Several TIE Fighters flew out to meet them, sending emerald beams of death their way. They retaliated with their crimson lasers of righteousness and in the air several small explosions burst out as both the rebel and imperial ships were downed above the moon-sized battle station.
Kimi managed to find her fair share of scrapes. A pair of TIE's almost corner her, but Tinmanti, the pilot from the briefing, flew in and knocked one of them away. Another pilot called N the Sailor managed to destroy one in front of her, opening the way for her to U-Turn and take out the second that had followed her.
A short time later, she locked onto a TIE Fighter and took the shot, blowing the enemy out of the sky with a burst of flames. As it fell, a new TIE rose up in front of her and almost got a shot – but she managed to swirve out of the way and take out one of it's comrades.
“Cakeeater, get to the Narrow Passageway and go for the shot.” Vidit called over the radio. His own X-Wing flew over her head and took a few shots at one of the TIE's in her way.
“Roger!” She yelled back over her intercom as she swirled over to the right and took towards the beginning of a very long, narrow path that led to the reactor's vent.
“... Prepare my TIE.” Phazon ordered.
“Yeah, might as well get mine ready too.” CHoW yawned.
Phazon glared. “You could show a little interest in destroying the Rebels!”
CHoW shook his head. “Why? I killed Spoonobi. Emperor Avatar will be so pleased he'll probably give me a promotion... I might even get your job.”
Phazon ignored the comment. “Get to YOUR TIE, now.”
In the air, Kimi's X-Wing flew closer and closer to the reactor vent. However, as she flew, a oddly-shaped TIE appeared on her tail. It didn't look good.
Meanwhile, in the skies above, a second oddly-shaped TIE appeared. This one was piloted by Grand Moff Phazon and it was heading right towards the masses of X-Wings. With a few shots, he dispatched two of the X-Wings in the skies.
“I don't remember that...” A pilot named Lucas blinked as he saw the X-Wings explode.
Phazon's TIE began to fast approach. Commander Vidit flew up in his X-Wing and took a few shots, but the Grand Moff made evasive moves and dodged them; then he returned fire with earnest. The two Commanders exchanged shots a few more times as they flew by one another again and again above the battle station.
Kimi, meanwhile, was almost there. She turned on her computer, but heard a familiar voice.
“Trust your feelings.” Spoonobi's voice whispered.
She closed her eyes and turned off the computer. “Well... almost time.”
Then a shot hit her ship – and damaged Taz2's droid outfit! “Heeeeeeeeeeey!” She yelled loudly.
Kimi checked behind her to see the other unusually shaped TIE. She sensed suddenly the presence of CHoW, and knew he was the pilot behind her. She narrowed her eyes and clenched her fists.
CHoW, meanwhile, was as nonchalant as he had been for the entire time, save his battle with Spoonobi. “Heh... just have to blow up this kid and then the planet....” He paused. “Though, for some reason, I feel like this kid is... familiar.”
CHoW shrugged and opened fire once more. Kimi took another evasive move and managed to avoid getting herself killed, but with Taz2 damaged and her target coming up faster and faster by the second, things did not look good.
Then, a explosion! Above, Vidit had blasted one of Phazon's engines and the Grand Moff was forced to retreat. Kimi grinned at the good luck, but what grimaced when she realized that Vidit was too far to blast CHoW away as well.
Then she heard a voice on the radio: “Yeeeeeeehaw! Full speed ahead, 'Venger! We get to be heroes!”
A blast of red rang out and the TIE belonging to CHoW flipped upside-down a good thirty times. CHoW yelled loudly as he sailed away from the Death Star, spinning like a top. “Oh man, I'm going to get dizzy – and that's never good when you wear a helmet!”
“Hey kid, what are you waiting for, let's start the fireworks and go home.” Sama called over the comlink. Kimi didn't need telling twice – she squeezed the trigger, released the missile and watched it fly right into the vent of the Death Star.
“Alright people, back to base!” Commander Vidit ordered as the team turned and flew back towards Yavin.
Then, this happened:
And as the flames and sparks drifted down from the stars, two small TIE Fighters floated away into the darkness. One was a very angry Governor, and the other a still laid-back Darth CHoW.
The temple was decorated with banners, white lilies and streamers covered everything. Confetti was thrown in the air and all of the Rebel troops were gathered in one room, standing on either side of a small red carpet that led to a set of stone steps.
On those steps stood Princess Rose, now in a glorious white gown, and beside her was Taz2 who had discarded her droid outfit after the damages done by the laser hit. Bender was nowhere to be seen, since Rose wore her crown and he wasn't allowed near the expensive jewelry.
Commander Vidit, Captain Tinmanti and N the Sailor all sat in the front row, eating Hero Sandwiches which, as we all know, are made by Gourmet Sidekicks.
On the opposite end of the carpet stood three figures. Kimi Cakeeater, farm-girl turned rebel hero. Han Sama, the smuggler with the heart (or at least, screenname) of gold. And Chewvenger, the fuzzy smuggler who seemed to be enjoying his new found hero status.
“Now this is going to be good for the wall.” Chewvenger grinned.
“I guess a medal works... I mean, it won't help me pay off my debt to the Hutts, and sparks didn't exactly fly between the Princess and I... but I'm sure neither of those issues will be addressed in the future. This is a 'happily-ever-after' moment, for sure.” Sama ranted, mostly talking to himself since no one else was paying attention.
Kimi was in thought. A few days ago, her Uncle Fry had been complaining that she didn't do her share of work. Which he only complained about because when she didn't do it, his wife – Leela – made him do it. Now her Aunt and Uncle were probably dead, and she was a rebel hero and a Jedi-in training. Of course, her mentor was dead and he was the last known Jedi alive... which meant her training would be hard.
“Meh, I'll find a Jedi Teacher somewhere. Maybe I'll check Myspace.” Kimi shrugged.
The three walked down the carpet as music played and horns blew, and one by one they each received a shiny medal from Princess Rose, who was grinning brightly to them all.
And then, a most unexpected thing happened.
A bucket of water splashed down on Kimi's face and she jumped up to see shapes standing above her. “Muh...? Aunt Leela? Uncle Fry?”
“I'm not your Uncle, I'm your sidekick.” Sama replied, scratching his head.
“I think she's out of it.” Crystal Rose the Flan-I said as she stared down at the semi-conscious super hero.
“Well wake her up! I want a full report of what happened!” Spoony demanded.
Kimi sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Buh...? Ben! You're alive!” She jumped up and hugged Spoony, which caused him to sweat drop.
“If you think this will make me forget you used my car as a club in that last fight, think again.” Spoony growled.
“Kimi-chan, you okay?” Sama asked as she separated from the Spoon.
“Han! You're here too, eh? Oh, and so is the Princess... does that mean all your arguing was actually attraction after all?”
Sama blinked and looked to Crystal, who shrugged her shoulders, obviously as confused as he was.
“Kimi... I think you were having a dream.” Sama told her. “You took a pretty hard fall... you know, after Rowen threw you into, you know, the sidewalk.”
Kimi blinked. “What... I don't remember a Rowen?... Hey... wait...” She blinked again and it all came back to her. Teh City, the Flan, the cake; the whole show. “I guess it was just a dream.” She reflected.
“Yep.” Sama nodded.
“... Speaking of dreams, am I dreaming, or weren't we supposed to be fighting some kind of Birthday Gnome?” Spoony asked.
“Somebody role credits.” Sama quickly said.
TEH END.
A Special Thanks to George Lucas, who, surprisingly, has yet to sue me. Thanks George. I'm totally broke, by the way.
On the first of February, you'll be treated to part two – Teh Empire Strikes Back. Where Cojo, Joha, AGOI and HA's characters will all be introduced! Now, it's almost 5:30 AM... I need sleep.
Happy New Year!
AGodofIrony - January 1, 2008 11:09 AM (GMT)
A winner is you.
That was just...wow...Pure awesomeness! The references, the cameos, the characters! It's just sheer...wow!
I can't wait for the next installment, and, just...WOW!
I'm not sure what else to say, it's just amazing!
That was just...wow...Pure awesomeness! The references, the cameos, the characters! It's just sheer...wow!
I can't wait for the next installment, and, just...WOW!
I'm not sure what else to say, it's just amazing!
The Vidit of Light - January 1, 2008 11:38 AM (GMT)
Very nice, very nice. And thanks for the part! I'll have to see about thinking of traits so as to appear in SW&WS outside of Kimi's dreams, though. :LOL:
Crystal Rose - January 1, 2008 04:25 PM (GMT)
XD You win.
Wow! There is just so much to talk about! Everything was funny (seriously, I burst out in laughter more than usual) and it wasn't that confusing to follow since I've never seen Star Wars (I had to ask Tazzy a couple things though XD). Perfectly done! It was definately worth the wait!!!
I can't wait until next month now!!!
Wow! There is just so much to talk about! Everything was funny (seriously, I burst out in laughter more than usual) and it wasn't that confusing to follow since I've never seen Star Wars (I had to ask Tazzy a couple things though XD). Perfectly done! It was definately worth the wait!!!
I can't wait until next month now!!!
Tazzy Porqupine - January 1, 2008 04:35 PM (GMT)
'Triangle man, triangle man, triangle man hates particle man..."
XD
This.... this is simply amazing!!!! XD And nice way to tie everything together at the end...priceless.
XD
This.... this is simply amazing!!!! XD And nice way to tie everything together at the end...priceless.
| QUOTE |
| “OH NO.” Chewvenger, from behind them, groaned very loudly. “You can't seriously be thinking...” Sama raises an eyebrow. “I don't know. What do you think? Do you think a princess and a guy like me...” “No.” Chewvenger replied. “Not a chance.” Kimi added. “There's no possible way.” Taz2 chimed in. “Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah... oh, you're serious?” Bender grinned. “Not even if you were about to be frozen in carbonite.” Princess Rose stuck her head back in the room to say. “Alright, alright! Just shuddap!” Sama snapped. |
I laughed out loud at this part XD
Awesome job yet again, Sama!!! :D I can't wait until February!
Dark Phazon - January 1, 2008 06:16 PM (GMT)
:o
CR's never seen Star Wars?
Anyway! Hilarious story! And Bender's awesome. XD
CR's never seen Star Wars?
Anyway! Hilarious story! And Bender's awesome. XD
Crystal Rose - January 1, 2008 06:38 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Dark Phazon @ Jan 1 2008, 01:16 PM) |
| :o CR's never seen Star Wars? Anyway! Hilarious story! And Bender's awesome. XD |
XD Nope, never seen it
Tazzy says i'm sheltered XD
But after reading this it makes me want to watch it!
GoldenSama - January 1, 2008 06:46 PM (GMT)
Spork: ^_^ Many thanks, my friend. I tried to load it with cameos and stuff like that. I was going to make a list, like actual credits... but I wrote everything from the appearance of Commander Crunch and Senator Lucky to the end yesterday, so... yeah. XD I'm glad you liked it my friend -- see you in Dagobah! :p
Vidit: Yes, glad you enjoyed it! :p You will have a part in SK&WS, I just haven't introduced you yet. But I figured I'd throw you in here for fun.
Crystal: I'm very glad you liked it and it made you laugh, but... :OO You've never seen Star Wars? You should check it out sometime! It's worth it. Start with 4. XD
Tazzy: XD You got the triangle man song! I figured that one would go overlooked. ^^ I'm happy that you liked it. Heh, yeah, "Not even if you were about to be frozen in carbonite!" is one of my favorite lines, too. XD Just cause... well, you know!
DP: ^^ I'm glad it was funny to you! Heh, I had to add Bender. He's the greatest!
Vidit: Yes, glad you enjoyed it! :p You will have a part in SK&WS, I just haven't introduced you yet. But I figured I'd throw you in here for fun.
Crystal: I'm very glad you liked it and it made you laugh, but... :OO You've never seen Star Wars? You should check it out sometime! It's worth it. Start with 4. XD
Tazzy: XD You got the triangle man song! I figured that one would go overlooked. ^^ I'm happy that you liked it. Heh, yeah, "Not even if you were about to be frozen in carbonite!" is one of my favorite lines, too. XD Just cause... well, you know!
DP: ^^ I'm glad it was funny to you! Heh, I had to add Bender. He's the greatest!
tailsonic15 - January 1, 2008 10:54 PM (GMT)
Sporky's post....stole mah wordz...
All in all, this was fantasic. I was wondering about references in the beginning, and was thinking that the TIE fighters would become the TIE fighters from that Family Guy Speciall.
Rating: OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME / 5
All in all, this was fantasic. I was wondering about references in the beginning, and was thinking that the TIE fighters would become the TIE fighters from that Family Guy Speciall.
Rating: OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME / 5
Avenger29 - January 2, 2008 02:42 AM (GMT)
I CALL BS.
And, by BS, I mean, Brilliant Stuff.
And, by BS, I mean, Brilliant Stuff.
Kimiko - January 2, 2008 01:14 PM (GMT)
Triangle Man, Triangle Man
Triangle Man hate Particle Man
They have a fight, Triangle Wins
Triangle Man~
I love that song. XD
And I love THIS! So choice, Sama! Such a vivid dream... maybe Rowen should throw Kimi into sidewalks more often!
Triangle Man hate Particle Man
They have a fight, Triangle Wins
Triangle Man~
I love that song. XD
And I love THIS! So choice, Sama! Such a vivid dream... maybe Rowen should throw Kimi into sidewalks more often!
Clown Prince of Crime - January 2, 2008 02:56 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (GoldenSama @ Jan 1 2008, 10:46 AM) |
| Start with 4. XD |
I actually started with 1, myself. I never saw Star Wars until a few years ago, but I feel that seeing everything in chronological order makes the ending to episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) more emotional. Or at least that's what I think... you can only experience something for the first time once, afterall. Heh, anyway, I actually wanted to be different from everyone else, so I purposely didn't watch episodes 4, 5, and 6 until I had seen 1, 2, and 3 first. ^_^;
Oh, ya, and make sure to check out the Clone Wars cartoon series (both seasons) in-between watching 2 (Attack of the Clones) and 3 (Revenge of the Sith).
Anywho, this was nicely done, GS. And... wow, it was LONG! XD So much so that I'm surprised you're going to parody episode 5 and 6. Well, 6 is assumed even though you didn't mention it.
Oh, and my favorite exchange of dialogue:
| QUOTE (GoldenSama @ Jan 1 2008, 02:21 AM) |
| Kimi crossed her arms. “I drove the sandspeeder!” “You ran over those Sand Kids!” “Only because I wasn't paying attention!” |
The Vidit of Light - January 2, 2008 08:54 PM (GMT)
“Not as glamorous as it sounds, is it?” Commander Vidit shook his head. “Still, what you're doing is important. And as for it being a suicide mission... well, fail and we're all dead anyway, so don't let it bother you.”
Yeah, kudos for that line, too. That may be along the lines of something I'd actually say in that situation. :LOL:
And still more kudos for the exact quotes of lines from the movie.
And finally, even more kudos for Sonic being the power source of the "Aluminum Potato". :LOL:
Yeah, kudos for that line, too. That may be along the lines of something I'd actually say in that situation. :LOL:
And still more kudos for the exact quotes of lines from the movie.
And finally, even more kudos for Sonic being the power source of the "Aluminum Potato". :LOL:
GoldenSama - January 2, 2008 09:48 PM (GMT)
TS: Thanks! ^_^ I'm not sure what you mean by the TIE Fighters from the Family Guy special, because I only caught the latter-half of that episode. I'm glad you enjoyed this!
Avenger: Hahah, thanks man. Glad you liked it.
Kimi: Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man
XD That is a great song. Glad you liked the story! The dream shall continue!
Spoons: Really? I guess it would be cool to see it all in order. I watched it in release order rather than canonical order on account of I first saw it when I was ten and there was no I, II and III. I guess it'd be pretty awesome to watch them the other way. XD
Anyway, glad you liked this! Heheh, the Sandspeeder is out of control!
Vidit: I used the script from BlueHarvest as a reference for this, so I could get the lines correct. XD I'm glad I captured your character well -- I have some ideas for his actual SK&WS appearance, but as I'm still stuck on another storyline for now, I'll PM you about those later.
Avenger: Hahah, thanks man. Glad you liked it.
Kimi: Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man
XD That is a great song. Glad you liked the story! The dream shall continue!
Spoons: Really? I guess it would be cool to see it all in order. I watched it in release order rather than canonical order on account of I first saw it when I was ten and there was no I, II and III. I guess it'd be pretty awesome to watch them the other way. XD
Anyway, glad you liked this! Heheh, the Sandspeeder is out of control!
Vidit: I used the script from BlueHarvest as a reference for this, so I could get the lines correct. XD I'm glad I captured your character well -- I have some ideas for his actual SK&WS appearance, but as I'm still stuck on another storyline for now, I'll PM you about those later.
tailsonic15 - January 3, 2008 03:38 AM (GMT)
Sama, Peter was telling the star wars story, you know that much. Him and Chris were under attack in a ship. They were shooting at TIE fighters! These were not normal TIE fighters. They were THAI fighters.
*has just sounded like peter* Think of it from peter when he's not listening. He often gets words confused with another, and thus, Thai fighters!
^^p I probably didn't make sense. If someone else could explain more clearly, then....
*has just sounded like peter* Think of it from peter when he's not listening. He often gets words confused with another, and thus, Thai fighters!
^^p I probably didn't make sense. If someone else could explain more clearly, then....
Clown Prince of Crime - January 3, 2008 04:11 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (GoldenSama @ Jan 2 2008, 01:48 PM) |
| Really? I guess it would be cool to see it all in order. I watched it in release order rather than canonical order on account of I first saw it when I was ten and there was no I, II and III. I guess it'd be pretty awesome to watch them the other way. XD |
Ya, it is. I mean, I always knew about Star Wars, but I'd never actually seen it. So when I found out that they were going to start making everything that happens before the original trilogy, I decided that I should watch it all in chronological order... and it's pretty awesome to do it that way if you've never seen Star Wars before. XD
Anywho, again, nicely done, GS! And nice references to and cameos from Trigun, though I did expect something like that. XD
Actually, I noticed you had a LOT of cameos from other anime/cartoons. Like, more than the usual for SK&WS. XD I started half expecting the weird monster in the trash compactor to turn out to be Dr. Zoidberg! XD
The Vidit of Light - January 5, 2008 06:50 AM (GMT)
Just for the heck of it, maybe I could try piecing together something of a "cast list" for this fic...even though TSC and BaI may need attention now, and I have to hit the sack, so not tonight. :heh:
GoldenSama - January 5, 2008 07:00 AM (GMT)
That's 'cause Trigun is awesome supreme. <3
I thank you Spoony! I have to say, Zoidberg as the garbage monster is a perfect idea... no matter how many good ones I come up with, there's always one really great opportunity I miss -- that was totally it! XD
Vidit, a cast list is a good idea! I actually have one -- but it's incomplete because I stopped updating during my last second rush to get all this done. If you'd like to make one, that'd be cool! And if not, I'll see if I can make one tomorrow.
I thank you Spoony! I have to say, Zoidberg as the garbage monster is a perfect idea... no matter how many good ones I come up with, there's always one really great opportunity I miss -- that was totally it! XD
Vidit, a cast list is a good idea! I actually have one -- but it's incomplete because I stopped updating during my last second rush to get all this done. If you'd like to make one, that'd be cool! And if not, I'll see if I can make one tomorrow.
The Vidit of Light - January 6, 2008 07:16 AM (GMT)
Alright...let me see if I can make a cast list, incomplete as it may be...
Leia-C_R
Chewie-Avenger
Luke-Kimi
Han-GS
Darth Vader-BR
Moff Tarkin-DP
Various imperial high-ranking officers-Cereal mascots (the members of L.A.S.O.O.F.)
Obi-Wan-Spoony
R2D2-Tazzy
Rebel pilots (one of them Biggs, perhaps)-tinmanti, Sailor N
General Dodonna/Wedge Antilles (mix?)-TVoL
C3PO-Bender
Captain Antilles-William Shatner XD
Palpatine-Avatar
Owen Lars-Fry
Beru Lars-Leela
Leia-C_R
Chewie-Avenger
Luke-Kimi
Han-GS
Darth Vader-BR
Moff Tarkin-DP
Various imperial high-ranking officers-Cereal mascots (the members of L.A.S.O.O.F.)
Obi-Wan-Spoony
R2D2-Tazzy
Rebel pilots (one of them Biggs, perhaps)-tinmanti, Sailor N
General Dodonna/Wedge Antilles (mix?)-TVoL
C3PO-Bender
Captain Antilles-William Shatner XD
Palpatine-Avatar
Owen Lars-Fry
Beru Lars-Leela