Deep space. A ship slowly floats by, with a few fighters flying around in front of it, firing at a few other fighters of appearently alien design.

On the side of the grey ship, with its blue-streamed engines, the words "PILLAR OF AUTUMN" are written.


On the bridge of that ship, a teenage guy in a uniform with a very serious look on his face is pacing about, talking to someone unseen. He paces between the members of the crew at their stations, peering at their screens, one of which displays what looks like a giant, hollow bowl-trimming. The pacing man/boy's voice, earnest and determined, speaks out.


"C_R, I need to know-did we lose them?"

A female voice sounds out from a computer core.

"I think we both know the answer to that, captain."

The captain sighs. "We made a blind jump, how did they-"

"Get here first? The Custard ships have always been faster. As for
tracking us all the way from Reach-for-a-Fork? At light speed my maneuvering options were limited."


"We were running dark, yes?"

"Until we decelerated. No one could have missed the hole we tore in
subspace. They were waiting for us on the far side of the planet."

"So where do we stand?"

"Our fighters are mopping up the last of the recon picket now, nothing
serious. But I've isolated approach signatures from multiple CCS class battle
groups...make it three capital ships per group - and in about ninety seconds
they'll be all over us."

"Well that's it then. Bring the ship back up to combat alert alpha. I
want everyone at their stations."

"Everyone, sir? GASP! You know, for being an alledged military genius, you sure make obvious calls? You know, for being so obsessed with honor and all that, doesn't it bother you that we were the only ship that RETREATED from battle?"

The captain is clearly not amused. "You would have rather we made a suicidal charge at a fleet that would have torn us to pieces in seconds?"

Just then, a 1-foot-tall, pink-colored hologram of a teenage girl appears in front of the captain, glaring at him.


"We seem to be about to do that anyway, sir. What's the difference? Are we just going to let THEM come to US now? Hmm?"

The captain maintains a calm composure. "Don't worry. I have a plan. Now get EVERYONE ready for battle. Let's give our old friends a warm welcome."

C_R shrugs, and says:

"I've already begun."

Meanwhile, aboard the ship, everyone is already getting ready. Marines are setting up baricades, chaplains are making their rounds, fighter craft are getting warmed up, and on the intercom, C_R's voice can be heard broadcasting throughout the entire ship. "Attention all combat personnel! Please
report to your action stations."

A boy/man with a bad haircut and a goofy composure speaks out in the best manner he can: "You heard the lady, move like you got a purpose."

C_R broadcasts again: "This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. As if you couldn't guess."

Meanwhile, the bad-haired soldier, a sergeant, paces up and down between two lines of marines.

"Well..." he says"uhh...guys..."


Four different speeches go through his head:

"Keep your eyes downrange, fingers on your triggers, and we all go home in
one piece! AmIrightMarines?!?!


Once again, it is our job to finish what the flyboys started. We are leaving
this ship platoon, and engaging the Custard on solid ground. When we meet the
enemy, we will rip their skulls from their spine, and toss 'em away, laughin'! Am I right, marines?


Men, here is where we show those split-chin dessert-head freaks that
they could not have picked a worse enemy than the human race. We are going to
blow the heck out of those dumb desserts until we don't have anything left to shoot
'em with! And then, we are going to strangle them with their own-living-filling!
Am I right, marines?



Men, we led those dumb dessert dishes out to the middle of nowhere to keep 'em from
gettin' their squishy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled onto somethin' they're
so hot for, that they're scramblin' over each other to get it. Well, I don't
care if it's God's own personal anti-fattening machine, or a giant hoola
hoop, we're not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly
full of lead, and a pool of their own fillings to drown in! Am I right, marines?

However, none of those things come out of his mouth. Instead, nervous as he is with the eyes of his squad on him, he says: "Well, guys...uhh...we're going to fight now...so...uhh...don't get shot. Uhh...am I right marines?"


The squad stands there, dumbfounded for a moment at the "inspirational speech" they have just been given. Finally, one of them, just one, speaks out:

"Uhh...sir, yes...sir, sergent Sama?"

Sama sweatdrops, and simply dismisses them.

"Now move it out double time."

C_R's voice comes over the intercom again: "Attention all personnel, we are reengaging the enemy. External and internal contact imminent."

Sama, inspiration hitting him, speaks to his squad again: "All you greenhorns who wanted to see Custard up close, this is gonna
be your lucky day."

One of the marines speaks back at him.

"But I want flan instead!"

"Uhhh..." Sama thinks fast. "Double ration of flan for you men tonight if you fight twice as hard!"

They break into cheers, and all resolve to do so. Sama grins to himself.

In a room with a cryro statis pod, two men are viewing its contents.

"Wow! Sir!"
"Right. Let's thaw her out."

"Okay, bringing low level systems online. Cracking the case in thirty
seconds. Body temperature rising. Blowing the pins in five."

The pod opens, and out of it, slowly, steps a person wearing heavy battle armor. However, unlike the protaganist from the series I'm ripping off here, we can see that person's face. Her brown hair flows down in two "quills" to the small of her back. She stretches, yawns, and grabs a helmet.

"Whatdaya want? That nap was nice! Hey, why's the alarm going off?"
she says, looking up.

One of the men faceplants in his right palm.

The girl in armor nods in realization.
"Oh yeah! The war. Surrvival of the human race thingy. All that stuff. I forgot. Say, anyway I can get my shows in my cryro-pod?"

Before one of the men can answer her, another soldier, a marine, rushes in.


"Ma'am!" he says, addressing the girl. "The captain needs you on the bridge ASAP. Better follow me."

The girl shrugs her shoulders. "Sure, whatever, I guess."

When they get to the bridge, admist more marines and other personal preparing for battle, the captain, standing next to C_R's hologram regards the girl in armor, who has put her helmet on by now. Despite this, the captain recognizes her.

"Good to see you, Kimi." he says. "Things aren't going well. C_R did
her best but we didn't shake them."

Kimi, however, is looking unamused. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, captain Vidit, same old, same old. Yeesh, can't you talk about something besides army stuff for five seconds? Did you tape my shows?"

Vidit is unamused. "Kimi, I told you, we don't get them aboard a military vessel. And if you would address me with a bit more respect, that would kind of, you know-"

Kimi is already looking at the screens on the bridge displaying various tactical information.

"These shows are boring!" she says.

Vidit shakes his head.
"Kimi! Please! Pay attention!"

Kimi turns back to him.

"Fine, fine, don't lose yourself."

Vidit sighs in frustration and looks toward C_R, who begins to brief Kimi:

"A dozen Custard superior battle ships against a single Halcyon-Class
Cruiser with those odds I'm content with three...make that four kills. Sleep
well?"

Kimi glances at Vidit. "Yeah, except when Vidit here decided to have you wake me up."

Vidit sighs yet again. Of all the Spartans, why did HE have to be stuck with the one with an attitude?

Suddenly, a large explosion rocks the bridge.

"Report." Vidit says.

C_R speaks up quickly:

"It must have been one of their boarding parties, I guess an antimatter charge."

An officer at a console addresses C_R and Vidit: "Fire control for the main cannon is offline!"

C_R looks worried, and addresses Vidit: "Captain, the cannon was my last offensive option. For dessert, they sure are destructive. They need to cool down! If I had a solid form, I'd give them a huggle."

Vidit sighs again. "Nice as that may be, C_R, I'm afraid that it wouldn't do any good. All right, then, I'm initiating Cole Protocol Article Two. We're
abandoning the Autumn. That means you too, Crystal_Rose."

C_R looks at TVoL with a half-concerned, half-sarcastic expression.
"While you do what, go down with the ship?"

TVoL chuckles.

"In a manner of speaking. The object we found-that dish-rim thing-I'm gonna try and land the Autumn on it. Somehow, it looks like it actually has an atmosphere."

C_R regards Vidit with both concern and earnesty: "With all due respect, sir," she says ,"this war has enough dead heroes. And you kind of already dropped the "death before dishonor" routine when we ran from Reach-out-for-a-Fork.

Vidit gets annoyed.


"What we did was NOT dishonorable. There was nothing more we could have done there! Must you attempt to discredit my honor at every turn!?!?"

By this time, C_R and Kimi are both looking at Vidit with expressions that say both "Wow, that's overreacting" and "chill out" at the same time. Vidit takes a deep breath and calms down.


"I appreciate your concern, C_R," he says, "but its not up to me, protocol is
clear. Destruction or capture of the shipboard AI is absolutely unacceptable,
and that means you're leaving the ship. Lock in a selection of emergency landing
zones, upload them to the main pilot's navicomputer and then sort yourself for hard transfer."

C_R, if for no other reason then to make TVoL feel better, salutes.

"Aye aye, sir."

TVoL tuns to Kimi.
"Which is where you come in, Kimi. Get C_R off this ship. Keep her
safe from the enemy. If they capture her they'll learn everything: force
deployment, weapons research, Earth."

Kimi turns toward C_R.

"AIs can pick up TV signals, right?"

C_R shakes her head. As Kimi begins to protest, C_R simply ignores her and addresses TVoL:

"The Autumn will continue evasive maneuvers until you initiate a
landing sequence. I'd suggest my subroutines handle
the final approach."

"Excellent work, Crystal_Rose. Thank You. Are you ready?" TVoL replies.

C_R sighs, and looks around at the bridge. She had called the Pillar of Autumn her home, not just the ship itself, buts its systems, its circuits, its consoles, since the start of the war.

"Yank me." She finally said.

"Oh, fine." Kimi said, pulling out C_R's computer chip and inserting it into her helmet's disk drive/computer chip slot.

"God be with you, Kimi." Vidit said, looking Kimi right in the eyes, before turning toward the main pilot's chair, walking over to it, and, after the pilot himself got up, sitting down.

Meanwhile, C_R had been getting used to the computer system of Kimi's armor.

"You know." she said. "Your armor's systems aren't too different from the Pillar's."

Kimi quickly spoke up: "Yeah, well, don't mess with them TOO much. Because, you know, I kind of need full control of my armor otherwise I'll not be able to fight at super-Kimi level, and considering the missions I get sent on, that'll probably, you know, get me killed."

C_R, agreeing, simply said "Okay."

Vidit took out his personal sidearm and held it out toward Kimi.

"I don't keep it loaded, you'll have to find ammo as you go." he said.

Kimi looked at the weapon in disgust.

"A gun?" she asked. "You give me super strength, super endurance, super agility, etc., and you expect me to use a GUN?"

Vidit was not amused.

"Yes." he simply said.

"Fine." Kimi said, taking the pistol and holstering it.

"Hey!" she said, as she holstered the gun. "Utility belt!"

TVoL facepalmed.

"Just get going." he said.


"Fine, fine..." Kimi muttered, walking off.

"Alright, Kimi, follow my guidance. To get to the escape pods, you need to-"


"Let's go this way!" Kimi said, and started running.

"Kimi, wait!" C_R said.

"HEY!" Kimi replied. "How come your still so close to me if I have enhanced running speed? You shouldn't be able to keep up with me!"

"I'm in your HELMET, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Kimi said. She was not watching where she was going, however, and was running straight into a firefight...

"Covering Fire!" a marine yelled from behind some crates, firing across the hallway he was in.

The custard soldiers (yes, soldiers made out of and/or somehow physically infused with custard), returned fire in earnest, but suddenly saw Kimi sprinting toward them like an overzealous WoW player who had been AFK as his guild had planned a raid.


"WATCH OUT, KIMI!!!" C_R yelled, but it was too late. Kimi bowled into the crates that the custard troops were hiding behind, sending them flying and scattering custard everywhere.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!" Kimi yelled back at the crates.

It's going to be a long mission. C_R mused to herself.

In the meantime, the marines Kimi had just rushed by looked back after her.

"What was that?" one asked.

"I think that was one of those Spartans, you know, those cybernetically enhanced, superstrong, superfast, elite soldiers." said the other.

"THAT kind of behavior was what passes for an elite supersoldier in the United Earth Space Corps., when we're fighting for our very survival?!" the first of the two asked.

"Yep." said the second.

They looked at each other.

"Hold me." they said in unison to each other.


Meanwhile, C_R was trying to get Kimi to be a bit more careful: "Keep your head down, there's two of us in here now, remember?" she asked.

"My armor. My choices. YOU NO ARGUE!" Kimi replied.

Meanwhile, TVoL's voice was head over the intercom: "Attention all hands, this is the captain.
Prepare to abandon ship. Land on that weird thing that looks like the rim of a dessert plate. No, I have not gone totally insane. It has an atmosphere. No, I am not on some sort of mind-blowing substance. If you can make it, you may have a better chance there then aboard the Pillar. Combat team, repel boarders until top personnel are
away. God be with us all! TVoL out."



Finally, Kimi made it to a lifepod.

"One last lifeboat." C_R said. "Quick, get aboard before it launches."

Kimi rushed in, and ran to the front of the escape craft.

"Okay, I'm here, let's go!" she said.


"Aye aye, ma'am." said the pilot. "We're disengaged. Goin' for minimum safe
distance."

Meanwhile, over in another seat, a marine was losing his nerve. "We're gonna make it aren't we, sir? I don't wanna die out here. Are we gonna die, sarge?"

Sama, sitting nearby, was only looking at that marine nervously.

"Umm...of course not, marine. Look! A Spartan's here to help us!"

The marine looked at Kimi.

"You the same girl who ran through those crates?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm." Kimi nodded.

The marine buried his face in his hands and began to sob.

Kimi rolled her eyes. "People just don't understand heroes like me." she whispered.

C_R simply ignored Kimi's remark: "Look." she said, referring to the plate-ring.

"What is that thing, lieutenant? It looks...weird." Sama asked the pilot.

"Dessert if I know," the pilot answered. "but captain said we're landing on it."

"Military genius indeed." C_R remarked. "I knew it!" she continued, noticing something else. "The Autumn is accelerating. Vidit is going in manually. My GOSH, how'd he get to the rank of captain as a TEENAGER, anyway?!"

"Heads up, everyone, this is it." the pilot said. "We're entering the ring's
atmosphere in five."

Sama gulped, and put a cardboard box marked "HAPPY BOX" in crayon on his head.

"Sure you wouldn't rather take a seat?" C_R asked Kimi.

"We'll be fine." Kimi replied with a grin under her helmet that C_R, being inside said helmet's systems, could see.


It's going to be a VERY long mission. C_R thought to herself. At least I'm not stuck with that "HAPPY BOX" guy.


Mankind struggles for surrvival against an army of custard...a mysterious dinner-plate ring in space...Master Chief Petty Officer Kimiko-117...Sergeant Major Sama...this is.... FLAN: SK&WS "Evolved".

I hope I didn't offend anyone. Comments? How many of you can recognize what I'm parodying here? It should be fairly obvious. Hope you like it! ^_^

Dude....no way...

A Halo parody for Sk and WS?

And I thought the Star Wars one was going to be an amazing parody! Keep it going man!

Okay, because I'm bored, I'll post a little more. For anyone who isn't familiar, this wouldn't be the next chapter, but it would be something...well, I ripped off Halo's intro before, and now, I'll rip off Halo 2's!



Fade up, to see the broken remnants of the Alpha Flanbowl (the ring-object mentioned earlier); a Custard assault carrier flies into view, and we track with it. A huge Custard fleet has arrived at the wreckage of Flanbowl, and with them a massive, incredibly complex hemisphere structure.


Inside it, Custard fighters swoop and join formation, and a huge crowd of Custard soldiers gathers. There are all types of Custard troops: big ones, small ones, yellow ones, white ones, but occasionally, there are also cereal mascots among them.

Inside a council chamber, an armored figure stands before a trio of other people.

One of whom has on a white labcoat and carries a keyblade.

The second has a Darth Vader suit and a blue Hawaiian shirt.

The third is clad in black and silver armor, is present only by hologram, and is the only female member of the trio the mentioned armored figure is standing before.

"There was only one ship." said figure says, earnestly.

"One? Are you sure, Avenger?" Teh Spork says.

"Yes. They called it...the Pillar of Autumn."

"JUST ONE!" CHoW cries out. "They took out your WHOLE FLEET with ONE SHIP! What the-how the-why was it not destroyed, with the rest of their fleet?"

"It fled, as we creamed their planet."

Flashback: Reach-for-a-Fork is being covered with cream under Custard bombardment; the Pillar of Autumn lifts from orbit and rockets away, attempting to escape the massive Custard fleet.

"But I followed with all the ships in my command." Avenger says.

Flashback: A Custard cruiser arrives at Alpha Halo, slowing and joining the relatively small fleet gathered there.

Teh Spork speaks again. "When you first saw Flanbowl, were you blinded by its sheer awsomeness?"

"Blinded?"

"Paralyzed? Dumbstruck? Hungry? Thirsty? Stupefied? Awe-"


"No." Avenger interrupts.

"Yet the humans were able to evade your ships," Blackfire scolds, "land on the sacred bowl-ring, and desecrate it with their filthy, unfashonable, sister-attracting footsteps?"
she claims and/or asks.


Avenger is looking worried, but goes on the offensive:

"You know, what are those rumors I hear about you hooking up with one of the humans, Blackfire? One of their soldiers, no less! What was his name, Sa-"

"SILENCE!" Blackfire yells, but a blush is coming to her cheeks. "He can, uhh...give me human military secrets! Besides, you can't PROVE anything!"

CHoW turns towards Blackfire. "But didn't you just admit that-"

"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!!!" Blackfire cries out.

CHoW shrugs, and turns back to Avenger.

"So...what were you doing here again?"

Avenger sees an opportunity, and quickly says:
"Oh, you were commending me for being a hero of teh Custard people. But we were
done, so I'll just get going-"

"HOLD IT!" Sporky commands. "You may have Blackfire on the defensive, and CHoW may have lost interest, but I still remember that you are in HUGE trouble here! So, why didn't you keep the humans off Flanbowl?!"

"Noble heirarchs" Avenger begins, realizing that Sporky has him,"...surely you understand that once the-the other dessert attacked..."

Various cereal mascots watching from the sidelines members begin to shout.

"SHATUP!!!" CHoW commands them.


"You were right to focus your attention on the Flan, themselves," Teh Sporky professor continues, "but this demon, this 'Master Kimi'..."

Flashback:
The far side of Alpha Flanbowl explodes as the Pillar of Autumn's fusion drives go critical.

"By the time I learned Kimiko's intent...there was nothing I could do." Avenger says, struggling to get the words out.

The council becomes angry again, and we see the Darth Rowen, chuckling to himself at Avenger's plight.

Blackfire (her hologram, at least) leans over toward Teh Spork:

"Spork," she says, "this is boring! Punish this guy, or something! I have better things to do! I mean, I think I'll find Sa-I mean, a person of HIGH importance on Earth, and I need time to plan how to kidnap him. End this meeting!"

Teh Spork rolls his eyes, raises a hand to silence the protesting cereal mascots, then speaks to Avenger.

"You are one of our most cherished silverware pieces. As I am Teh Spork, jOO are Teh Knife. Long have you led your fleet with honor and distinction, but your inability to safeguard Flanbowl...was a colossal failure."

Lucky, a Custard council member, stands up from his seat.

"Nay, lads, that it wasn't! It was 'eresy 'twas, I tell ya!"

He draws a few stares, then slowly, sighs, and sits down.


Avenger speaks up: "I will continue my campaign against the humans."

"No!" Irony says. "You will not. Granted, you've proven your military skill and personal valor time and time again, but because of this one slip-up, we're putting Blackfire in charge of the invasion of Earth, even though she has NO military experience whatsoever and will probably get PWNZ0R'D."

"Hey!" Blackfire shouts. "I was Grand Ruler of Tamaran when the Drenthax were invading!"

"And you didn't even fight them when they landed on Tamaran. In fact, their entire invasion was a hoax you staged in an attempt to marry off your sister to some weird...thing." Irony counters.

"Still-" Blackfire insists,"Who are the humans going to have commanding Earth's defense? Like, TVoL or someone? I can beat that goody-two shoes dweeb any day! I mean, c'mon, what can a teen guy do to me?"

"Sama." Irony says.

Blackfire simply glares at him, but cannot think of a good response. Her hologram flickers away.

A pair of animal cracker (foodstuffs) guards move to take Avenger's arms; he stands up straight and makes to push them away. They back off.


"Soon the great dessert feast shall begin." Irony says.

The animal crackers escort Avenger from the Custard Council Chamber.

"But when it does" Irony continues, "the weight of your INCOMPETENCE will stay your feet, and you shall be left behind."
---

The Custard...tension in their ranks...Blackfire in charge of a Custard military operation. Cojo as the Custard's newest aspiring leader...

That would be, as I'd call it...Flanbowl 2.


More comments? Good? Bad? Funny? Boring? Anybody?

That was...That was...wow...

I don't know to much about Halo, aside from the handful of parodies I've seen and what I've gathered from Cojo during SW2, but I still thought this was pretty darn good!

Nicely done Vidit!

Pretty cool Vidit :3 I liked it despite knowing not too much about Halo! I hope to see more soon!

I take it that nobody here is disappointed with their roles?


Either way, that's enough support for me! I shall continue with this!

Next up: What happened after Kimi boarded the escape craft?


And now, a trailer for what may be to come.


A shot of a floating, glowing TVish thing.

Spoony: Greetings! I am 343 Guilty Spoon, monitor of installation 04!

We see a shot of Flanbowl.

C_R: Flanbowl is a weapon...of galactic-scale...umm...flaning...

A human fighter craft shoots out of a crashed Pillar of Autunm, and heads out into space, as the Pilliar, and Flanbowl itself, explodes behind her.

Kimi: Alright...I'm ready for a rest.

C_R: Kimi, I think we need to return to a base...

Cut to a shot of Avenger, chained via energy restraints, as Rowen holds a stick with one end of boiling custard on it.
A massive custard crowd is watching them.

Custard troops: Heretic! Heretic!

Rowen: The price of breaking our alliance! Let him be an example!

Rowen advances on Avenger with the boiling custard.

Cut to a shot of Earth, surrounded by orbital defense platforms and ships.

Alarms sound, as Custard ships-fifteen of them-pitiful compared to the Earth defense grid and fleet, approaches.

TVoL: Something's not right here...the fleet that destroyed Reach-for-a-Fork was fifty times this size...

C_R: Getting rid of Blackfire would be sure to mess up the Custard leadership.

Cut to a shot of Kimi beating the crud out of Blackfire. Being chased away, then diving into some water in an attempt to escape.

Tentacles grab her.

HA's voice: This is not your grave, human...but you are welcome in it!

Kimi: Crud...weirdos always hang out on these DANG rings!

Cut to a shot of Rowen, trying to force Joha put on object into a beam of green light.

Rowen: Come on, flowerchild! Put the index in the beam! I don't have all day.

Avenger's voice: Rowen, stop! Oracle, tell us Flanbowl's true purpose!

Spoony: Certainly! You see*gets hit by Rowen* Wait, you rever me as an oracle of infallible wisdom up unitl now, and now that I may actually say something that contradicts your ideas, you hate me?!

Rowen:...shut up.

Avenger: Fine, don't listen to him! Let's just fight!

A shot of Earth again, but this time, a massive battle involving human and Custard ships rages around it.

Sporky's voice: Your planet will BURN, until its surface is but BURNT CUSTARD, and not even your demon will surrvive to creed, blackened, from her hole, to mar the glory of our great dessert feast!

Joha: Okay...that was kind of...weird.

Cut to a shot of the African desert. Kimi is standing on a plain, watching a small group of Custard cruisers hovering around a MASSIVE circular installation that was appearently buried underground.

TVoL: I can only spare a handful of ships, but what I can spare is at your disposal, for the attack on Teh Spork's battle group, commander Mojohanna.

The installation opens, and a huge stream of energy begins to collect above it.

C_R: This. Is the way the world ends.

Kimi: I have to stop this, don't I? Awww, MAN! TVoL, or Sama, or SOMEBODY, better tape my shows!

Sama: If we don't?

Fire appears in Kimi's eyes.

Kimi: Then I'll cause a little apocalypse of my own after averting THIS one.

Sama: Meep.



Flanbowl

*insert cool Gregorian chant music here*

Yeah, not a lot of jokes in the preview.