[Sama Says
] The awesome title artwork done by Kimi-chan! Speaking of Kimi, there actually is something to this whole “Kimi Regime”. I mean, I had promised this would be done in January... 2008.
I'm only ten months behind schedule!
I originally hoped this would all be one big story, but... this looks like it's going to be quite large when it's finally done, so I decided to break it into chapters. :3
So, um, enjoy. :3
“... Craaaaap.” Sama complained. The Ghostly Kimi shook her head, but just as the mouth's of the Giant Phantom Clown were within swallowing distance, a flash of red light struck the monster clown through the head; and it dissolved away into dust.
Blinking, Kimi looked up – and then her jaw dropped. Sama sweatdropped himself.
Standing in front of them was the Man in the Crimson Cape. “We meet again... for the last time!”
“Oxymoron!” Sama shouted.
Crimson Cape ignored Sama, unsure if he was talking about what had been said, or just trying to insult him. Instead, he reached into the folds of his cape and withdrew the small padlock he had stolen from the underseas laboratory months earlier.
“You two can't possibly understand what's going on... which is why I'm going to have to get rid of you – permanently.” Crimson Cape snapped his fingers and suddenly Kimi flashed with light; a second later, her spirit and body had been rejoined – Cape had teleported her body from the ground below and healed the super hero.
“... Seems odd that if you're going to try to kill us, you'd give me back the ability to beat people senseless, but whatever.” Kimi shrugged.
“I won't kill you... just get rid of you!” Crimson Cape grabbed the top of the padlock, snapped it open, and red light engulfed the train...... as the light enveloped the train and the two heroes themselves, each was forced to close their eyes. Even with them shut, the blinding red light still seemed to seep through their eye lids – in fact, it felt like the light was going through their very bodies.
After only seconds of being completely engulfed by the radiate red, the two felt the strange sensations leave them and the harsh glow dispersed as well. Kimi looked around for the Man in the Crimson Cape, but he was gone as well.
“How come this crap NEVER stops!?” Kimi complained.
“I don't know – but we're in a flying train that isn't flying anymore, so maybe we can wax philosophically LATER!?” Sama was panicking – but crashing into the ground in a train sounded a little too painful for his tastes.
“Silly Scared Sama,” Kimi snickered. “Between the flying and the super strength, I can land this train on a dime. Or even a nickel!”
The sidekick blinked a few times. “... Isn't a nickel bigger than a dime?”
Kimi didn't pay attention to what Sama was saying, instead she jumped up and caught the roof of the train, trying to hold it up. By flying up and applying pressure to the roof of the train she hoped to slow it down enough for them to survive the inevitable crash. Sama looked around, nervously, but after a moment in which the train started to slow, he gave a relieved sigh.
“Maybe we will be oka--”
Before he could finish that thought, the train crashed into something. They were still up too high for it to be the ground, although it was just as much of a jolt. The train smashed apart into pieces and both Kimi and Sama were thrown out of the wreckage. It was apparent right away that the ground they had hit was made of metal.
“Ouch ka bibble...” Sama moaned, rubbing his sore nose. Kimi sat up from where she'd fallen, a few feet away from him, and looked around in every direction. As she looked about, she noticed something; all around them was nothing but sky – they were still in mid-air.
Well, not in every direction. There was a massive metal tower just behind them. It was some kind of control tower for whatever it was they'd crashed on – which turned out to be a colossal flying warship. Huge towers spiraled out from behind the control tower, all the way down the back of the massive ship. The warship had to go on for at least two miles, and several missile turrets, gattling guns and other war-machines were jetting out from the great complex.
“Uh... Kimi... we might have trouble.” Sama swallowed. Kimi turned her head to look over at him, and before she could question his sudden fright, she saw what had paled him up.
The doors of the massive tower had opened and several gigantic, man-shaped robots walked out. They were over nine feet tall, glowing red eyes and mouths that had rows of metallic teeth as sharp as knives. They had razor blade-like claws that extended almost a full foot off their hands. 'Friendly-looking' they were not.
“It just never stops.” Kimi complained, hanging her head.
“Yeah, but you have to admit, things never get dull.” Sama tried to cheer her up.
When the super hero lifted her head, there was a smile in place on her lips; and a devilish gleam in her eyes. “Well, I HAVE been itching to break some crap since that clown tried to make me his lunch.”
Sama grinned too; a army of tricked-out robots might sound scary, but to any professional super hero (or sidekick) they were just fodder for the mashing. He turned his head to Kimi, who nodded her head towards the right. Sama knew what that meant, so he turned towards the left.
“3, 2, 1: Let's Go!”
In a flash, the two went to work. For all the times they've been known to be lazy, preoccupied or just plain too silly to be viewed as 'super heroes', it was moments like this that proved that they were the best out there.
Kimi shot towards a group of robots with incredible speed, putting a fist in front of her as she flew, she tore right through several of the robots, turning them to scrap. Spinning around, she kicked the head from another robot and it smashed into the robot behind it, destroying that one too. She darted to another one and unleashed a furious flurry of fist-work, pulverizing the robot into bits in a matter of seconds.
As a circle of robots advanced on her, Kimi screamed as loudly as she could – a Sonic Scream that turned the fearsome, fatal machines into piles of bolts and screws and wires. They hadn't even gotten close enough to so much as scratch the superhero.
On the left side of the battleship, Sama was also tearing the robots to pieces. Green and Blue lights flashed as he used his superior speed (and flansabers) to rip through a horde of robots, cutting them up as easily as if they'd been made from butter. He threw his sabers and they spun around, making large circles as more and more robots were felled. While his hand's were free, Sama unleashed a wave of emerald lightning that took down several more of the killing machines.
Catching his sabers in a jump, he landed back-to-back with Kimi; the two had worked their way back to where they had been standing originally. The army of vicious robots had been pulverized, shredded, broken and battered.
“Oh yeah, we're cool.” Kimi grinned, looking out at the smoking heaps of scrap that had once been their enemies.
The ship gave a horrible lurch. The debris from the robots and the train was tossed around, into the air and all over the ship. Kimi and Sama lost their footing fast and both took a tumble, winding up in a large pile of broken parts. Eventually Kimi's head popped up from beneath the robot wreckage, and a second later so did Sama's.
“I taste oil...” Sama made a soured face.
“Better oil than blood.” Kimi shrugged, pulling a broken spark plug out of her hair. “Any idea how we just had an earthquake when we're in the air?”
“Not a clue...” Sama's face suddenly turned white as a fresh paper. “... That guy might know, though.”
Kimi turned her head and then dropped her jaw. The doors of the giant tower had opened, and a man had walked out. His arms were crossed and his face was completely hidden from view, but they could see enough to know this guy wasn't the friendly type.
He was at least a foot taller than Sama, dressed in black armor that glistened in the sun. He had red boots and a tattered scarlet belt and cape. He wore black shoulder pads, giant scarlet spikes protruded from them. He also wore a helmet that covered his face, with three giant crimson spikes coming from it. Although this man wasn't one of the usual faces of their Rogue's Gallery, there was something oddly familiar feeling about him.
“... You must be the ones I was warned about.” The armored man growled.
“Um... we're just...” Kimi trailed off.
“... Traveling chicken salesmen.” Sama finished, earning him a annoyed glance from Kimi.
The armored man scoffed and shook his head. “Traveling chicken salesmen? I might have believed that...”
“REALLY?” Sama asked, sounding as shock as Kimi now looked.
“... I MIGHT have, if you HADN'T JUST DESTROYED TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY KILLBOTS!” The armored man roared. While his voice had elevated in volume, he did not seem to be that mad. In fact, after a moment to regroup his composure, he laughed.
“I am General LunCH, Commander of the Leader's Dark Wing Squadron.” He introduced himself in a sinister voice.
Kimi and Sama both blinked several times, and then the two turned to one another. At length, Kimi sighed. “An alternate dimension. Wow. That Crimson Cape guy was reeeeal original with his schemes. We've only done this a hundred freakin' times!”
“Well, look on the bright side...” Sama started to say, but Kimi made a threatening gesture and he decided it was best he refrain from speaking anymore.
LunCH stepped forward, his eyes moving subtly as he studied the two of them. They way they looked, their attitudes... it was all too similar to be a coincidence. LunCH couldn't be sure if this was some trick, or if the day she had spoken of had finally arrived.
“Yes, there is no doubt. You are Kimi and Sama. I was told this day would come, though I've never had much trust in anything that woman says. I see now, she was right.” LunCH was rambling on, another similarity to someone our heroes know extremely well.
“Yeah, yeah. Geez, do the bad guys ALWAYS have to foreshadow and leave cryptic clues about crap the reader can't possibly figure out yet!?” Kimi grumbled, crossing her arms and trying to mask her smile with fake-annoyance.
Unfortunately, after a long pause, her smile started to fade. Sama scratched his neck.
“... Looks like the fourth wall cheat doesn't work in this dimension. That's gonna be a pain in the ass.” Sama groaned, dropping his arms back at his sides and once-more gripping his twin flansabers.
Kimi yawned, covering her mouth and ignoring LunCH entirely. “Darn, I was hoping that tower would fall on 'im; save myself some time and aggravation. Oh well.”
LunCH was devoid of any visible sign of emotion, so it was impossible to tell if their antics were riling him up. It might seem like Kimi and Sama's nonstop back-and-forth is all for show – but they had learned over the years that whenever the villains lost their cool, it made beating them a lot quicker.
Unfortunately, as LunCH remained stoic, Kimi and Sama exchanged glances and suddenly the two wiped away the looks of complacency and replaced them with gravely serious scowls.
“Kimi... no fourth wall trick and this guy isn't the least bit annoyed by us.” Sama gulped.
“Yeah . . .” Kimi's trailed off, and as she did she took a battle stance. “ . . . We might actually have a challenge this time.”
Sama paused and mused about those words. “I don't know about all that, I mean --” Of course, whatever else he said was drowned out in the noise. Kimi shot forward, jumping right at LunCH and closing the gap between them in an eye's blink.
Her first connected squarely with the dead-center of his chest. There was a pause, and even the wind seemed to stop blowing. Kimi's fist had impacted LunCH with as much force as the super hero could muster – and that usually amounts to enough to wreck giant structures with ease.
However, LunCH did not fly backwards. He did not fall to his knees in pain. He didn't even recoil in the slightest.
Kimi, however, felt her eyes water up and seconds later she jumped back, clutching her hand and cursing; all of which prompted an over-sized sweatdrop from her now white-as-a-ghost sidekick.
“Hmm... is it too cliché to compare that to a bee sting?” LunCH pondered aloud in sarcastic glory.
“That... That can't be good.” Sama gulped, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly filled with a lot of dread.
Kimi was still reeling in pain. One downside of having super strength and endurance is that she hadn't really had to deal with pain since she got her full powers. Oh, she'd felt pain sometimes. Blocking a flansaber with her bare hands burnt, being thrown through a skyscraper made her sore – but this level of pain was something she'd forgotten.
LunCH smirked beneath his spiked helmet, narrowing his dark eyes. “That did not hurt. I'll show you real pain.”
Kimi groaned. “UGH, could your lines BE any more generic!?”
Generic lines aside, the armored giant jumped forward and batted Kimi aside with a flick of his arm. She flew across the hull of the ship, crashing into the ground and skidding for a long distance; but doing so with such speed that as she crashed into Sama's legs he had no time to dodge and he too fell flat on his bum.
“Crap! This guy doesn't move much, but he's tough.” Sama complained, wiping a bit of blood away from his nose.
“Pft. He's just a mass of steroids and steel, I can take him!” Kimi jumped up, ignoring the pain in her ribs and clenched her fists.
“At least give me a chance!” Sama declared, whipping his twin sabers from his belt and charging forward. The green and blue blades flashed to life as he reached LunCH and quickly Sama brought them done on the armored-foes head, shoulders and chest.
After about the seventh time Sama whacked him, it occurred to him that LunCH hadn't budged in the slightest the entire time, and there wasn't so much as a red-hot spot on his armor. Pausing (with a large sweat drop) Sama sighed. “Um... So, wanna get a pizza?”
LunCH replied with his fist; uppercutting Sama viciously on the chin and sending the sidekick sprawling backwards, eventually landing at Kimi's feet.
As he wiped the blood from his face and climbed back to his feet, the sidekick sputtered. “I guess I should have shocked him...”
“Relax bushy-head, I've got a plan this time.” Kimi replied, flexing her fingers and re-clenching her fists. “Although it's funny you should mention shocking him.”
She flew over to her her sidekick, leaned in and whispered something to him. Sama jumped back, his eyes as wide as baseballs. “Are you NUTS?”
“Just do it, okay?” Kimi rolled her eyes, flying forward and cracking her knuckles. Her eyes narrowed at the armored enemy. Whatever she had planned, Sama looked worried about it, LunCH seemed as stoic as ever and Kimi was confident.
Shooting forward once again, Kimi put her hands out in front of her, balling up her fists. Behind her, Sama sighed and followed her orders – he held out his hands and sent forth a wave of electricity – right at Kimi!
In an instant, Kimi was glowing with a harsh emerald shine, suddenly blasted with several volts of electricity. It was painful, but she was able to use her super-human endurance to keep from being too injured. Gritting her teeth, Kimi slammed her fists into LunCH and the electricity flashed from her like a bomb.
LunCH was thrown backwards and landed on his side, smoke rising from his armor. Kimi too was thrown to the ground, groaning in pain.
“AH! Oh my God, I killed Kimi! ... That can't be good for the series.” Sama whimpered for a second and then jumped to Kimi's side. She groaned again, and then sat up; her hair was throughly poofy and Sama was afraid he was about to be hit.
“That... was a really bad idea.” Kimi admitted as she stumbled back to her feet, with a little help from Sama.
“Are you okay?” Sama questioned as Kimi leaned against him. After a moment, she shook her head and stood up straight.
“Depends; did I get him?” Kimi asked, popping her neck and trying to recoup her barrings. She had hit LunCH at almost super-sonic speeds, using her full strength – and the giant current of lightning had only added to the strength of impact.
“You kidding? There's no way he'll get up after tha... um...” Sama had been wearing a confident grin, but that melted away, along with all the color in his face. A very pale and suddenly shaking Sama pointing, and Kimi suddenly had the urge to break something. Which is actually a good thing when you're in the middle of a life-and-death battle.
Turning around, Kimi saw that LunCH was not down for the count. He wasn't standing strong, though. He had scampered to his feet and was now stumbling around, trying to get back to a good stance.
“Stupid... heavy... armor...” LunCH complained as he tried to get his barrings. Whenever he'd stand up, he'd lose his balance and have to run a bit to catch his fall. As he did, he stumbled all across the side of the ship.
As she watched him stagger about like a drunk chipmunk on a pirate ship, Kimi suddenly got an idea. She noticed that LunCH was staggering near the edge of the airship, and the railing that had once been on that side was gone; ripped apart when the train had smashed into the flying fortress.
“... We're going again, Sama.” Kimi said suddenly, becoming very serious.
Sama's jaw dropped, blinking and then rubbing his eyes. “'Scoose me? By that do you mean the whole lightning-fist-flying thing? The thing that almost knocked you out?”
“Sama, in all our years of being friends, how many arguments have you won?”
“You could get hurt!”
“HOW MANY?”
“... Four.”
“Four? No. It's three; and that's me being generous.”
“Oh, come on! I won the pizza bagel argument!”
“I think you have your dreams confused with reality.”
“No way, I totally won that argument!”
“You did not-- OH! What the hell are we doing talking about this right now for!? You hit me with your full force lightning, or I hit you with my full force foot!”
Sama sighed; he knew when he was beaten. It was perhaps the second weirdest argument they had ever had, but he didn't have time to think about that right now.
While LunCH continued to stumble, trying to find a way to stand back up with the overwhelming weight of his armor, Kimi floated back up and then dove once more.
The superhero was speeding right at the armored fiend, and behind her a reluctant sidekick charged up as much power as he thought was appropriate – and then, knowing she'd complain if he didn't, he added a little bit extra.
Two seconds before Kimi connected with LunCH, Sama's lightning reached her feet. By the time her fists hit the jet-black armor, she was glowing with emerald rays once more. There was an explosion and a massive shock wave; and LunCH was thrown off the side of the battleship; Kimi fell off too, now completely unconscious.
If he'd had more time, Sama probably would have muttered a 'who didn't see that coming', but he simply did not have that kind of time. He jumped right off the side of the ship, but Kimi already had a head-start on falling as it was.
Oddly enough, Kimi seemed to be falling faster than LunCH. Sama didn't have the time (or the physics background) to try to explain why. One thing he did have, though, was a lot of hours logged watching anime and playing games. That's probably where his next idea came from.
Putting his hands behind him, he blasted with the full strength of his lightning, hoping to use it as rocket exhaust to close the gap between he and Kimi. Unfortunately, the giant blast of lightning he'd expected turn out to be a small fizzle and a few sparks.
“Aww, Potatooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes!” Sama yelled as he fell; he'd used too much energy on the blasts before and had nothing left to turn himself into a missile with.
There was still one thing he could do. Glancing at the space between he and Kimi, Sama noticed that LunCH was still floating between them. He didn't question why, he just decided to use the unconscious armored psychopath as a kind of midway point; he'd jump onto LunCH and springboard from him to Kimi.
“Alright Sama, time to shine! Just grab Kimi, spin around and land on your feet before you both get smashed to death on the ground and you'll totally score some cool points!” Sama psyched himself up.
The plan worked! At least, the very first part of it did. Sama managed to jump onto LunCH, but after that point his luck gave out. LunCH, as it turns out, was still awake – and he quickly smashed his foot into Sama's stomach.
“Ooofh! I think my stomach just flew into my throat.” The sidekick muttered.
“You two really are a pain in the ass!” LunCH growled at him. “But you're also a lot more pathetic than I expected. Do you have any idea why your attacks were so ineffective?”
Sama just whimpered in response. He was in too much pain, and too worried about the fast-approaching ground, to really care.
“It's my Special Ability . . . my armor can 'Return Fire'. Every punch, every kick, every swing of your strange sword and every volt... My armor has copied it all, and now, you get to feel it.”
“That... really sucks.” Sama groaned; and then a massive blast of energy burnt out of LunCH's foot and filled Sama's body. He screamed for a second, but quickly passed out. The armored General spun around and kicked Sama off his foot, launching a spiraling Sama right towards Kimi.
The two crashed together and spiraled out of control, falling into a thick forest a few miles away from where LunCH was about to crash – a deep, clear lake. Hugging his knees to his chest, LunCH curled up and cannonballed into the lake.
He slowed down and eventually landed on the bottom of the lake, next to a giant metal face . . .
“Oww...”
Opening her eyes, Kimi found herself staring up at what looked like a misshapen hole, pouring light down from behind a blanket of darkness. After her eyes adjusted, and she snapped fully back to consciousness, she realized the 'blanket of darkness' was actually a canopy of several trees high above her head.
The hole was where several branches had been snapped off when something crashed through the canopy. Judging from the itchy sticks and leaves she was lying on, she had a pretty good guess as to what that something actually was.
“Ka bibble.” Sama whimpered from her right. Casting a glance in his direction, Kimi found that he too had survived – he was just buried beneath the debris from the treetops.
Pushing a large branch off of herself, Kimi sat up and rubbed her head. The last thing she'd remembered was flying towards LunCH at sub-supersonic speeds, engulfed in a blast of lightning. Though, given she was now in a forest, she doubted she'd won the fight.
After digging her sidekick out from the trees and waiting for him to regain his senses, she heard the story. Learning that LunCH's armor had absorbed their every attack only put her in a foul mood.
“Great, just great! We've got to beat a psycho CHoWannabe, and he can absorb anything we throw at him!” Kimi didn't take losing very well. While she brooded, she also came up with a question.
“Hang on... if he absorbs everything, then why did he stumble around so much when she did the combo?” Kimi pondered aloud.
Sama shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe when we combined your physical strength with my Flan energy, it was too much for him to absorb all of it. Maybe a little bit got through.”
Kimi sighed and leaned back, floating a few feet above the ground and staring up at the hole in the forest foliage. She was still a little annoyed by this new world that they'd ended up in, but she knew there was a way home – after all, they'd done this kind of thing before.
A lot.
“Hey Sama, you still have that cake taped to your wallet?” Kimi asked, suddenly changing the subject to food.
Sama shook his head. “Sorry, doing that so much ruined my old wallet, so I just sort of stopped...”
Kimi groaned in annoyance, but said nothing for a moment. Eventually she did come up with something. “Well, let's look for some food in this forest. There's got to be something.”
Her sidekick nodded, climbing to his feet he started to look around. Quickly, Sama scampered around the area they'd landed in. His right hand glowed a faint green – he had not recovered much of his energy, he needed more light than just the hole in the treetops.
“There's some moss on this tree.” Sama suggested.
“Did you land on your head?” Kimi blinked.
“Why?” The sidekick tilted his head.
“. . . Just keep looking.” The superhero sighed.
After a few minutes of searching, Sama ran over with a smile on his face. “I found some eggs!” He cheered.
“Eggs? Alright! Fry 'em up with that saber!” Kimi grinned, clapping her hands together.
Suddenly there was a loud 'squawk' and a massive bird-like creature swooped down and clawed at Sama's face. The sidekick yelped loudly and fell backwards, and the creature took back the egg. Just as it flew away, Kimi got a good look at the creature – it looked like a panda with the wings and talon of a hawk.
“Weird world.” Kimi shook her head, then she glanced down to Sama. “You alright?”
“Yeah, I'm good.” Sama replied, he had a few scratches but it wasn't too bad. He shrugged: “I'll go look for something else...”
Re-activating his lighted-hand, Sama once again disappeared into the forest around Kimi for a few minutes. When he reemerged, he was holding a large red mushroom in one hand, and a equally large green one in the other.
“Wild mushrooms? Isn't that dangerous?” Kimi raised an eyebrow.
Sama shrugged. “This is all I can find. I mean, I could try hunting, but I'm too much of an animal lover to want to do that.”
Kimi shook her head. “Naw, no hunting. I suppose if I can eat a flansaber, I can handle some funky mushroom.”
The two shrugged and both took a bite out of their respective mushrooms. After a few seconds, both were chewing, happily surprised at the taste.
“This isn't so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!” Sama yelped mid-sentence, suddenly as his body shot up a few extra feet and he smashed his head against a branch.
Kimi winced as another poor tree was crumpled because of them; but she didn't feel too bad about it. Actually, she didn't feel bad at all – not about the tree; her wounds! All the soreness was gone instantly, as if the mushroom had given her a second wind.
“This seems... familiar.” Kimi blinked, though that was all she said on the issue.
“... Can I try that green one? I think I just gave myself a concussion.”
LunCH was still standing in the middle of the lake, but something had changed. Where there was once water there was now nothing more than earth. LunCH's magical armor had absorbed every last drop of the lake's water.
As he walked out on the shore, he lifted his arm and blasted the lake's water back out of his armor and restored it to the lake where it had been before his unexpected fall. As he finished refilling the lake, he turned around to find three people standing before him.
“General, it's always good to see you; I trust this hunt will be great fun.” The first of the three was a tall man who wore a white business suit; although something was odd about it. The suit had small slits on the side to keep it from restricting movement. The man also carried a gigantic steel drum on his back – the instrument kind.
“With all respect, General; I don't work in groups and I don't need these two.” The second was a woman with a brown ponytail and red eye makeup. A skull-shaped pin clasped her cape around her shoulders; both the cape and her clothing was gray.
The third was a tall man in a tan cloak with dark hair and a thin goatee. He wore fingerless gloves over his hands and did not say a word the entire time. His eyes were closed and there was something 'off' about this guy.
LunCH shook his head. “The three of you are the top FINDERS in the realm. The very best I've ever worked with. Today, though, I'm sending you on the hunt of a lifetime.”
“Who is the target?” The quiet one finally spoke, in a quiet, somber voice.
General LunCH replied: “They are. The two who Shalashama warned us about. They have finally arrived; and now I turn to the three of you. The targets for this hunt are two obnoxious, wise-assed, little punks named Super Kimi and Wonder Sama.”
WHO, AND WHAT ARE FINDERS?
WHERE EXACTLY ARE OUR HEROES, ANYWAY?
WHEN WILL THIS START MAKING SENSE?
WHY DO YOU THINK IT WILL?
THE ANSWER TO SOME OF THESE QUESTION MIGHT BE GIVEN IN THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTER OF LORDS OF THE SKIES, MAYBE! This post has been edited by GoldenSama on Jan 22 2009, 03:01 PM
[Lords Of The Skies], Dun Dun-a Dun Dun-uh Dun Dun-ah!
Awesomeness Sama! Simply awesomeness!!! 
Yep, our heroes are toast without the fourth wall. 
